My mom does this all the time with DD. Well, not specific instructions, which I have to say, I would probably end up being very, very rude about.
But my daughter prefers boys’ clothing and it is a colossal waste of money to buy her anything even remotely girly. Still, Grandma persists and, yes, those items usually go straight to the donation bag. She wanted to make my daughter some dresses for school and even trotted out the line, “She wouldn’t even wear a dress if Grandma made it?!” <sad face>. No, no she would not. Save your money, lady!
Anyhow, I feel your pain. I have no good advice, but loads of empathy.
Oooooh, I’d have steamy ears over this one, I really would. I just don’t do well with authority, especially people who have no reason (other than having more money than I) to assume such authority over me. I don’t get bent out of shape about gifts in odd styles (I have one aunt-in-law who’s overly fond of the matching warm-up suits. My preschooler looks like an extra from* The Sopranos*), and I’ll even dress her up in the fugly stuff if I know we’re going to see the giftgiver. But to dictate when the child must wear it? Nuh-uh. Not unless it’s your wedding and the child is standing up in it.
I’d ignore the instructions completely and see what she does. I’d probably rehearse a few Miss Manners approved responses. They don’t have to be snarky or fake, but they do have to be firm.
The clueless: “Dress? Oh, yes, that Ariel dress up outfit! It’s at home with the rest of the costumes for dress up play. I found this adorable little houndstooth skirt at Kohl’s, isn’t it sweet? Girlchild and I love classic Ivy League looks.” (Bonus: telling your aunt where you like to shop may steer her to more appropriate fashion choices in the future.)
The pointed: “I was certain you were joking when you said that; I knew you would never be so rude really.”
The practical: “That dress? Oh, I had already purchased the cute little coordinating outfits. We’ll find another time to wear the Ariel dress.” (Refrain from mentioning it might be to make mud pies in.)
I wouldn’t bring a single thing up until she does, mind. Maybe if you don’t mention it, she won’t. But if she does mention it, don’t waver and don’t be put on the defensive. Your kids, your fashion choices.
And this is one of those things where, if you don’t nip it in the bud now, it will only continue and escalate as your kids get older. Someday she’s going to come back after an afternoon at the mall and your 9 year old will have her ears double pierced and be wearing a pair of sweats with “Juicy” written on the ass* if you don’t watch it.
*Or insert fashion nightmare of your choice.
Absolutely. But that sort of thing was obviously not what I was referring to.
fessie–It sounds like your kids and your house look perfectly fine and appropriate. I’m definitely skeeved out by people who’s kids’ things are too perfect too! Chaotic is good.
Thanks Green Bean, you’re nice.
tee-hee, I just thought of something terribly mischievous that I can do. My Aunt doesn’t yet know that I just signed on as an Independent Consultant for one of those home party companies. I now sell sex toys! Hey, girl’s gotta make a living (my girlfriends encouraged me to go for it, these parties are going to be SO much fun!).
Can you imagine the cow if I dropped that bomb at my Aunt’s party
The only time that’s acceptable is when the recipient is a bridesmaid or whatever the guys are called… have I mentioned before that I’m tremendously grateful to be from a culture where nobody will EVER stuff me into a pink dress with a bow on the ass?
A little social excuse that can be used: tell her that fessiegirl couldn’t possibly wear something that hadn’t been laundered yet. You just never know what might irritate her delicate skin. Preferably in front of other members of the family. :D:D
Auntie couldn’t very well object without looking like a manipulative ass who really doesn’t give a flip about your daughter.
Your aunt is out of line in implying that you don’t dress your children well. Tastes change, and these days there are so many styles for children that it’s hard to buy for young people. Unless I get specific instructions or unless I actually go shopping with a relative and see what he/she likes, I don’t buy clothes for young 'uns.
There isn’t any real reason to hurt your aunt or to try and shock her though, she means to help-- giving her the benefit of doubt. If she insists that they change into the clothes she offered, just say no and smile. You can tell her they’ll wear them another day. If she doesn’t relent, repeat the “no” until she gets it. Keep smiling.
We have two or three people that love to buy my son clothes. I am fine with it. Knock yourselves out. My oldest sister gets him about 5 outfits for his birthday, and 5 more for Christmas. I usually love everything she buys. They are some of his best clothes. My niece(sisters daughter) picks him out some nice stuff too.
Then there is my MIL. Actually she is a Step-Mother in law, and has only been in the family as long as I have. She has given us the weirdest stuff, from stained rummage sale clothes**, to a track suit that was 2 sizes too small from Kohl’s. When I tried to exchange that one I found out she had only paid $3 for it with all her discounts. She had six kids of her own and is perfectly lucid, so why she thought my average sized 4 year old would be wearing a 2T was a bit odd as well. I just gave up with her. I try and return some stuff, or exchange it. I just tuck other stuff away, until it is too small, if it isn’t already.
So, out of the blue this year she actually got it right and got him a nice little thermal shirt, in the right size. She may see him wear somthing she bought for the first time! We always thank her(them, Grandpa too), but I don’t let anyone dictate what we dress him in, even if we like the clothes.
** I shop at rummage sales all the time, and have never brought home anything as worn out or as stained as the outfit she gave us, all wrapped up as a gift, once. **
I am pretty sure she means camouflage clothes, since they were mentioned in the OP.
My son has a few camouflage items, but he doesn’t wear them to church or anything. In fact I don’t think he has even worn them to school. I don’t mind them that much, but when that is all a kid wears, like a lot of little hunter’s* kids around here do, then it gets pretty annoying.
*In Wisconsin camouflage clothes are more a sign of being a hunter than that you have anything to do with the military.
Ok, but … is that normal wear for kids too then? Normal enough that not wearing any or putting your kids in it would be noticed or commented on negatively?
ETA: I looked over the OP about ten times and I FINALLY saw the camoflage pants, about 2/3 of the way down.
Well, I second the laundering of the clothing before wearing. It is a good idea too. Makes me glad we have rules on the kids’ clothing: No licensed characters. I enforce that even for gifts. If given that outfit for my daughter, I would thank the giver, perhaps explain that we launder clothing before wearing, and it would never be worn by my daughter, but I would never tell the giver that. If showing up to an event that she ordered the clothing to be worn to, I would not say anything unless confronted, and if confronted, I would just say that she wore what she pleased to that day.
Fortunately for me, the people who do give my children clothing have been choosing very nice outfits that suit them, and one gifter, not a family member but a close friend of the family, her gifts often become my daughter’s favorite clothes. Perhaps she is so good about picking appropriate gift clothes because her SIL subjected her daughter to what they saw as dreadful clothing gifts for years. Personally, I thought the gift clothes they found dreadful were darling, but not something one would wear unless playing dress up. Frilly, pink, and embroidered, they looked like they belonged to another time or place.Having met her many times, I would lay money that the SIL did have malice in her heart.
Oh yes, kids wear it a lot. The little boy I was a nanny for wore every color of camouflage clothes, and almost nothing else. He was about 5 when he started wearing a lot of it. The only time the got him out of it was for church. His sister had a lot of it too, and even some pink and baby blue camo stuff.
I have a couple observations, as discussion points, for what they’re worth:
So what does your daughter and son think of the clothes from the aunt? You don’t mention if they like them. Maybe they want to wear them. Kids I know, including my own, tended to LOVE the stuff I hated, to the extent they’d want to sleep in them.
Why would her clothing gifts have to match, just because they are twins? I’d have hated matching outfits. Ugh.
You disparage Huckabee’s matching outfits but describe in detail how the clothing you picked out will match even your husband and your outfits! Confusing sentiments at best, there.
Did you accept the aunt’s $500 check? Did you get bedding for the kids? If so, you’ve already sold out and shown you will kowtow to the aunt’s demands. Why be surprised now if she continues to make demands? If you accepted the money but did not buy bedding, shame on you. If you refused the money and stood on your principles, kudos to you.
The “trick up [your] sleeve” sounds pretty passive-aggressive. Be honest with your aunt. Or are you afraid she will stop giving you those gifts and money?
While I would not give a gift with conditions, they do exist. They’re called “conditional gifts.” It’s an agreement - you agree to accept the gift provided you do whatever condition is attached. These gifts should not be accepted if you do not intend to complete your end of the agreement. That’s just dishonest.
I wondered about that too (I, too, hate cutesy matchy twin stuff) but I think what was meant was that they were different levels of dressiness - you know, like a ball gown for the girl and a sweatsuit for the boy.
Of course, I could be wrong.
If Aunt Mavis handed my child a dress and said “This is for you to wear to <upcoming event>”, I’d just dismissively say “Oh, I’ve already got her an outfit for that. Thanks for the dress, though, she’ll get lots of wear out of it. I’ll be sure to send you a photo of her in it”.
Do you think it’s possible she wants a photo of the 2 girls in matching outfits? One of my sisters did that with her daughter and mine, then dragged them to Olan Mills or some such place. Just a thought.
roflmao!
Hey, girl’s gotta make a living (my girlfriends encouraged me to go for it, these parties are going to be SO much fun!).