I’m down at the airport this morning, having had a very good time spending time off-planet with friends who are also pilots plus friends and spouses of pilots. We’re all feeling quite mellow and full from the buffet breakfast at one of our stops. OK, it’s getting on towards 11 am and we say our good-byes and head out to our ground transportation to get on with our day.
That’s when we realize there is some sort of parade going on down Main Street (yes, that’s really the street the airport is on). Not just a couple of folks, but a massive wad of humanity filling the two lanes from side to side and then some, all densely packed. Reports from the air (this is an airport, after all, no problem getting an arial traffic report) indicate the mob extends over at least a mile of road.
Ya know, if these assholes had been WALKING at least it wouldn’t have been so bad, but they are STOPPING. For minutes at a time, before creeping forward again. At each stop there’s this call-and-response thing going on, and singing in some foreign language. Some of these people are carrying banners.
Turns out it’s a “religious pilgrammage” OK. I never thought Indiana was of any particular relgious significance to anyone other than, perhaps, native tribes which these people most certainly aren’t - I’m guessing Polish, maybe, or something else slavic judging by the writing on some of the banners.
OK… so a bunch of us go up and say “hey, is this going to be awhile? Can we maybe get through here?” Some dude in an orange safety vest says yeah, we can let you through.
So, all dozen plus of us get into cars and line up.
These “pilgrims” just look at us and keep walking. So help me, a couple of goofs walk up next to the hood of my car and tell me to back up. Well, after a minute or two a bunch of them start to get the idea that the two cars, the pickup truck, and the three SUV’s would like to get through here, please.
Well, the crowd parts slightly - except now, instead of just stopping, they’re starting to ooze sideways. Women start shouting YOU CAN’T DO THIS! WE’RE ON A RELIGIOUS PILGRAMAGE YOU ASSHOLES! GO TO HELL! YOU’LL BURN IN HELL FOR THIS! YOU’RE A WITCH! YOU’RE EVIL! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!
There’s a couple police officers trying to tell these paragons of Christianity - these people with banners of Jesus swearing and cursing at people - that yes, you really DO have to let the heathens through and no, they can NOT form a blockade across the road.
One woman gloms onto the side of my car, screaming into my open window about how dare I interrupt her religious experience. I said “Lady, we’ve been waiting 40 minutes to get out and your pilgrammage moved all of 25 feet! We ain’t all pilgrims here and it would have been nice if you had given us some warning so we could have left BEFORE you showed up!”
“You witch. You evil witch. We do this every year. You’re doing this delibrately!”
"What? You can’t call the airport and say “By the way, we’re going to stop traffic for 4 hours today?”
“We don’t need to ask your goddamned permission.” indignant sniff “If you were a CHRISTIAN you’d be with us you goddamned witch.”
WTF? “Lady, that there place behind me is an AIRPORT. A fucking AIRPORT. What makes you think ANYONE there is from around here? We’ve got 3 fucking planes from Canada sitting out there and one from Mexico and I tell you those folks are pissed as hell to come all this way and find YOUR sorry ass in the way - how the FUCK are they supposed to know about this?”
“YOU’RE A WITCH YOU’RE A WITCH YOU’RE --”
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY CAR OR I’LL RUN YOU OVER, BITCH!!!"
Which is about when the cop stepped up and had to physically pry her off the car. While more screaming and hollering were going on. I realized the guy in the car behind me had his gun out when the part of the mob banging on his car and swearing at him started to fall back.
Anyhow, FINALLY got out onto the side of the road they weren’t supposed to be on. I’m seeing cars ahead of me getting banged on, spat on, cops prying people off them…
WHAT THE FUCK??? Is this a “religious pilgrammage” or a goddamn riot in progress? Who the fuck ARE these people who feel they can, without warning, shut down the main road through town whenever the hell they feel like it? I’m guessing they’re some brand of Catholic but I’ve NEVER heard of any “religous pilgrammage” that occurs on August 12 in fucking Indiana, United States that requires shutting down traffic and/or threatening bystanders.
Yes, the police were routing traffic around this little boondoogle - but did anyone think to fucking WARN those of us who would be effectively TRAPPED while this little fucking dog-and-pony show ambled it’s way along? They took FOUR FUCKING HOURS to go ONE FUCKING MILE!!! And they weren’t going to move faster for jack shit. I asked about what if some emergency happens and police/fire/EMS needs to get through. One fuckwad said “God won’t let it happen, and if it did, they’ll just have to wait because we’re having a pilgrammage”. Yeah, the cops dealing with these shitheads were REAL happy to hear that!
And if they WEREN’T going to let us through why the FUCK did they say they would? These assholes WANTED trouble. OK, boys and girls, let’s get the tire irons, baseball bats, and weaponry and have us a party with the little fuckhead pseudoChristians who think it’s OK to swear and condemn to hell those who just happen to have gotten caught in their little fucking parade!
Fuckwads like these give REAL Christians a bad name.