Remarried Dopers: How long did you wait?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Poll to follow, just because, you know, I like polls. But really, discuss the following:

  1. From the date that your first divorce was finalized, or your spouse passed away, or you faked your own death and ran away to another country – whatever officially terminated your first marriage – how long was it before you said vows again?

  2. How long was it before you started officially dating again?

  3. Was your dating/engagement period longer or shorter the second time?

  4. Were you more or less nervous about the decision to marry the second time around?

  5. Were you more or less nervous standing at the alter (or equivalent) the second time around?

  6. How did your second spouse feel about the fact that you’d been married before?

  7. How did/does your second marriage compare to the first in general?

Also, for people who have remarried more than once, please discuss the various experiences you’ve had each time around.

2

I was young, in my 20’s when I first married, it lasted barely 6 years, and was not a healthy environment for either one of us. . . I’m in my mid-30’s and have gone through quite a bit…but I dated pretty quickly, but wasn’t a man-whore by any means. Then, I found my current SO and we clicked. Similar histories, tho she had never been married, she and I have similar likes, but are not exactly the same people thank Og.
She is secure in who she is, I am secure in who I am and as a man and a woman who know what they want, have been around the block enough to know what we don’t want - we consider ourselves lucky to be in this situation. Meaning we can decide openly and lovingly how we want to build our lives, and let that dictate how we move on from day to day. One huge thing is that we want children, and we are not getting any younger, so it’ll probably happen soon.

To me it is about knowing yourself, and knowing your maturity level and security level, all else is just fun and games. Oh, one more thing, you MUST have fun in your lives, I know it sounds slightly cliche but it’s very true. Keeps the spark going.

3

If only I had enough time in the edit window to “alter” that to say “altar” instead.

<rimshot>

4

My first marriage ended after four years. I actually knew my future wife when it happened, but I had never considered seeing her.

  1. Not sure of when it was final. I started dating my second wife when my first got a legal separation. Our first date was June 12, 1981, so it was probably a week before that. We married on August 28, 1982, so it’s a year and three months.

  2. The date was about a month after my first wife left me.

  3. Shorter. First marriage, we were together for a couple of years before we married.

  4. About the same.

  5. I wasn’t nervous either time.

  6. She knew it about it when we met. When it ended, a mutual friend suggested we would be perfect together. She didn’t have a problem with being married, but doesn’t like me to talk about my first wife.

  7. Longer and more loving. Plus we had a daughter.

5
  1. I started dating about 3 months after I kicked my ex out.
  2. My first date with my current husband was about 2 days after I met him and almost a year after our split. We moved in together about 2 months after that and married 18 months after we started dating.
  3. Longer.
  4. Less nervous the second time - but I waited longer and I was more myself. I had no business making decision one what was for dinner at the point in time that I decided to get married the first time.
  5. More. Second husband is a joker. I was right to be nervous. When the JP asked if he did his answer was “Ahhhh, ummmmm” for what seemed like minutes. The JP leaned forward and whispered “It’s just a formality son, you’ve already signed the papers you’re married no matter what you say” I think my laughter drowned out his yes :slight_smile:
  6. Doesn’t bother him and he’s a great step father.
  7. I’m a better wife this time around. It’s been 17 years now and while things are not perfect they are pretty damn great :slight_smile:
6

  1. From the date that your first divorce was finalized, or your spouse passed away, or you faked your own death and ran away to another country – whatever officially terminated your first marriage – how long was it before you said vows again? It was about 5.5 years

  2. How long was it before you started officially dating again? I** dated while I was separated because my husband ran away with a friend of mine and from the minute that happened, it.was.over.**

  3. Was your dating/engagement period longer or shorter the second time? Shorter. About eight months from first date to marriage. (Sadly, the second marriage didn’t last, either.)

  4. Were you more or less nervous about the decision to marry the second time around? Less.

  5. Were you more or less nervous standing at the alter (or equivalent) the second time around? No.

  6. How did your second spouse feel about the fact that you’d been married before? He also had been married before, so he didn’t care. He is now on his third wife.

  7. How did/does your second marriage compare to the first in general?** It was much better than the first and lasted twice as long.**

Also, for people who have remarried more than once, please discuss the various experiences you’ve had each time around.

7

I waited 20 years to remarry (wish I’d waited longer). I was already dating during the one year waiting period while we were separated. It was a longer dating period the second time too. I wasn’t nervous either time, really.

8

  1. 10 months, but I’d physically left the ex a year and a half prior to the finalization.

  2. I went on my first date two weeks after leaving my ex. Our marriage had been sexless for quite a long time prior to that and I was itching to get OUT.

  3. First time: married after 4 months of dating
    Second: dated a year, engaged 3 months, then married

  4. Not nervous either time, really.

  5. Not nervous either time

  6. He was married before as well and it didn’t bother him at all.

  7. Only about a million times better. We are more compatible in every way.

9

First marriage, dated 7 years, married for 10. I am out of the game after one round forever for lots of reasons. I am just not the marrying type and it has nothing to do with sex. I never cheated on my wife. I just don’t believe in too many compromises in life and I have big plans. I don’t want to be carrying any dead weight and I don’t want anyone to carry me should I become one. After all this time, I really and truly still don’t understand the concept.

10

1) From the date that your first divorce was finalized, or your spouse passed away, or you faked your own death and ran away to another country – whatever officially terminated your first marriage – how long was it before you said vows again?

First marriage: A little over two years.

Second marriage: A little over 3 years.

2) How long was it before you started officially dating again?

Um… six months maybe?

3) Was your dating/engagement period longer or shorter the second time?

About the same, I think. Apparently it takes me about 2 years to make up my mind.

4) Were you more or less nervous about the decision to marry the second time around?

More nervous the second time, as a matter of fact I was standing in the church and a voice in the back of my head was screaming DON’T DO IT !!! In retrospect, I should have listened.

The third time I was completely at ease.

5) Were you more or less nervous standing at the alter (or equivalent) the second time around?

See #4. The third time, we got married at the judge’s house out in the country so no altar was involved.

**6) How did your second spouse feel about the fact that you’d been married before? **

Second one had also been married before, he didn’t care. Third one had also been married before, he didn’t care either.

7) How did/does your second marriage compare to the first in general?

Less violence but more uncontrolled spending. The third one is heavenly.
**
Also, for people who have remarried more than once, please discuss the various experiences you’ve had each time around.**

Dear lord, you don’t want much do you ?? Maybe I will write more later. :stuck_out_tongue:

11

If I may answer for my husband (since this is my first marriage)… keep in mind that they were emotionally divorced for a decade, and separated for six months, before the divorce was complete.

  1. 13 months

  2. A week

  3. Shorter

  4. Possibly more… the first time around he was a starry-eyed kid

  5. Probably equal. He was very happy on our wedding day.

  6. No harm no foul, he’s marrying me now, and he’s housebroken!

  7. “Being married to you is how I’d hoped life would be.”

12

One day. Seriously: divorce was final on March 31, got remarried on April 1.

13
  1. From the date that your first divorce was finalized, or your spouse passed away, or you faked your own death and ran away to another country – whatever officially terminated your first marriage – how long was it before you said vows again?

Divorce finalized Oct 25th, 2008; remarried November 22, 2008.

  1. How long was it before you started officially dating again?

I didn’t “officially date” at all.

  1. Was your dating/engagement period longer or shorter the second time?

Although not divorced, only separated, I was “engaged” for a couple of years prior to marriage.

  1. Were you more or less nervous about the decision to marry the second time around?

Less for sure (married first time at 21, second time at 52) I knew more about what a good marriage should entail. I’d also worked through many personal issues and was more confident about how I should be treated.

  1. Were you more or less nervous standing at the alter (or equivalent) the second time around?

Far more nervous at the alter the second time. I think in part because at my first wedding the guests were not “paparazzi-like” with digital cameras - and I hadn’t expected all the flashes as we entered the chapel.

  1. How did your second spouse feel about the fact that you’d been married before?

He has also been married before - twice. He says the first marriage was for his parents (they wouldn’t allow him to live with a woman - it was still sinful back then); the second time he married for his children (he had custody of an infant son and wanted a mother figure to help raise him - she also brought children to the marriage); and married the third time for himself.

  1. How did/does your second marriage compare to the first in general?

I had no idea that marriage could be this wonderful, honest, deeply committed and comfortable. We are dedicated to being kind to one another, being honest about our feelings, and recognizing at a gut-level that no one is perfect.

That and my current husband does not have the personal torture of addiction colouring his every thought and action.

14

1) From the date that your first divorce was finalized…how long was it before you said vows again? 4 months. And it was scandalous in my ex’s social circles. Clearly I had been seeing this woman before I’d filed the divorce. Interestingly, my ex was the one who defended my honor–she knows the concept of cheating makes me physically ill, and there’s no way I’d be able to do it even within a horrible, dead & rotting marriage.

**2) How long was it before you started officially dating again?**Filed in May, dating in August, finalized later in August.

**3) Was your dating/engagement period longer or shorter the second time?**1st time: 10 years. 2nd time 4 months.

**4) Were you more or less nervous about the decision to marry the second time around?**Much less. 1st time it was “the next logical step.” 2nd time was obviously right

**5) Were you more or less nervous standing at the altar (or equivalent) the second time around?**Less

6) How did your second spouse feel about the fact that you’d been married before? Dunno. She liked me and my kids so she must not have been too worked up about it. Wasn’t her first rodeo either though.

**7) How did/does your second marriage compare to the first in general?**It doesn’t. It’s perfect. Almost creepy perfect. Coming up on two years now we still get moments of disbelief of how good we are together.

15

So, Asimovian - any reason for the interest? :slight_smile:

16

Despite my mother and my girlfriend’s mother thinking that the possibility of us getting married in Vegas over Christmas sounds positively delightful, no, we’re not quite there yet. But I do think about what it will be like to make that decision again, and I thought it would be interesting to gain the perspective of those who have already done it.

You, by the way, are a smartass. :slight_smile:

17

{Picture of innocence} Smartass? Moi? {/POI}

You know we’re all just living vicariously through you crazy kids, right? :smiley:

18

  1. From the date that your first divorce was finalized, or your spouse passed away, or you faked your own death and ran away to another country – whatever officially terminated your first marriage – how long was it before you said vows again? Five months

  2. How long was it before you started officially dating again? Well, I was dating before I was officially divorced. We’d been separated for a long time prior, so close to two years of that.

  3. Was your dating/engagement period longer or shorter the second time? Hmmm…about the same. I’d known him (online only) for more than a decade, though. Not in a romantic way - I worked online from about 96 or so and he was a guy that sometimes popped up on my ICQ, and because he was in a vastly different time zone, we talked maybe once or twice a month. He was just some guy I knew from alt.atheism.

  4. Were you more or less nervous about the decision to marry the second time around? More. I got horrifically drunk just after.

  5. Were you more or less nervous standing at the alter (or equivalent) the second time around? No - saying the vows didn’t make me nervous either time, oddly.

  6. How did your second spouse feel about the fact that you’d been married before? Didn’t matter - he’d had a defacto for a very long time prior. We were early 30s, it wasn’t like we were new to the game.

  7. How did/does your second marriage compare to the first in general? It’s amazingly awesome and wonderful compared to the crappy hell my first marriage was. HE is amazingly awesome and wonderful. Cannot imagine life without him.

Also, for people who have remarried more than once, please discuss the various experiences you’ve had each time around. N/A