rephrase a humorous statement to make it more accurate

If you retire with canines you are prone to commence the next day laden with wingless blood-sucking insects of the order Siphonaptera.

While sugary confections provide supereminence, it must be admitted that fermented grain provides greater celerity.

Pulchritude does not extend beyond the profundity of the epidermis.

Habitual or customary performance of what you advise in your homilies is itself advisable.

It is quite possible to coax a thoroughbred or a quarterhorse or even an Arabian to approach a water source but it may not be appropriate to the level of thirst the animal has at that time, or perhaps the water is brackish, or maybe it’s frozen, or maybe the animal’s mouth has been stapled or wired shut. In any case, don’t be overly concerned if the animal doesn’t drink any of the water.

What goes up, but not so far up that it is no longer affected by Earth’s gravity, must come down, assuming there are no other forces acting upon it that could prevent it from coming down.

Finding yourself in a particular geographical location is the result of movement. The vector of travel is unimportant.

This thread is accumulating a buttload of replies, assuming that buttload, an ill-defined quantifier at best, conveys a large number or amount.

Oftentimes, the written word can do far more damage than a length of sharpened steel

That is not indicative of our forming a closed curve, interlocking phalanges and producing a song in Gullah meaning be present in this place.

WTF???

Something about singing Kumbayah around a campfire?

It is actually both the heat and the humidity, the latter exacerbating the former.

Fat asses to squeeze at / Ain’t nothing to sneeze at.

Only those with a mediocre and unexciting/non-stimulating demeanor, intellect and personality can generally be said to not qualitiatively vary with any noticeability.

To the vast majority of the world, humans were created by a Divine Power. They have in turnabout envisioned this power anthropomorphically.

Timely intervention in both recognizing and repairing an obvious degeneration of a given object’s structural integrity largely prevents the onset of accelerated deterioriation that would ultimately require extraordinary emergency measures to halt further destruction and to achieve stabilization; conservative estimates have calculated that delayed aid usually correlates between “an eightfold to tenfold increase” as being “not atypical.”

Mission not quite yet accomplished.

I do not fully comprehend the nature of the more colloquial phrase that this lengthy description corresponds with, though I am of a beleif that it is somehow related to sitting in a circle, singing Kum bay ah, though I am a little bit uncertain as how to spell Kum Bay Ah.

Profitting from people’s ignorance since 1973.

in addition to sitting in a cricle and singing Kum Bay Ah, there may also be an element of hand holding which I had neglected to mention on my first post on the topic of closed curve, phlange interlocking Gullah songs

People of an agreeable nature will fail to win any contest in which they are competing.

All the news that’s fit to print, as permitted by the increasingly restrictive nature of profit oriented and consumer fear driven conglomerate-media entities.

…and with varying degrees of reliability regarding content and authority as evidenced by recent scandals.