Rescued PA miners must return to the mineshaft

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I thought this was funny…I’m sure a right wing one will pop up shortly, given the talent among the Dopers…

Left Objects to Inappropriate Mine Rescue

A Committee composed of Senators Daschle, Clinton, and Feinstein have announced that the rescue of the Pennsylvania coal miners has been repealed, and the miners will, by recommendation of the Committee, be placed back
in the mine. The Senators noted the following violations in the rescue process:

  1. Heavy diesel equipment was moved to the rescue site without concern for possible air pollution.

  2. Water was pumped out of the mine without first determining if it was polluted, or providing an environmentally safe catchment area for the water.

  3. Numerous holes were drilled in the ground during the rescue, without first performing an Environmental Impact study.

  4. No effort was made to ensure racial, ethnic, and sexual diversity of the rescue workers.

  5. The Governor of Pennsylvania was heard to “Thank God” during a live television broadcast of the rescue, violating the separation of church and state.

  6. Several people at this public, government supported, rescue mentioned praying.

  7. The trapped miners did not represent a diversified cross section of American society.

  8. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Hillary Clinton were not given
    sufficient time to make speeches at the site.

  9. The Senate was not given sufficient time to determine whether or not any Republican office holder owned stock in the coal company, thus being responsible for the conspiracy that caused the mine to flood.

And Number 1: No one mentioned that Al Gore invented mine rescues.

“Once a diversified group of miners has been chosen and placed back into the mine shaft, the holes will be sealed, the water will be returned to the mine, and the rescue will then be undertaken again, in an environmentally and politically correct manner”, the Committee noted.

Credit Chuck Muth’s News and Views.

2

The republicans may agree about their return. Those guys are Union members. Also, by their accounting, 82 miners were trapped. From photos of the rescue, all appear to be dark skinned. Senator Helms has requested that they be returned so he has chance to blame the gays and lesbians for their predicament. Also, Bush has personally asked that each miner bring with him a large glowing package labeled “To Yucca Mountain”

3

The Mine Shaft? I thought that was shut down in the early '80s, at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic . . .

4

They also pumped water out of the mine without first checking for any rare species of mine-shaft-dwelling fish that might have depended on the water for survival.

Also, the drained water created a wetlands, and the wetlands must be restored before any further rescue efforts can begin.

5

I don’t suppose it would be polite at this point to wonder if that article was protected by copyright, would it?

6

I thought crediting the source at the end would be enough. I have reported my OP to the moderators…asking them to deal with it as they see fit.

7

I wonder if they were at any point transported over any state lines in order to be taken to debauched drunken celebrations of their rescue?

8

I would certainly hope so…If not, let’s get a group and head to PA!

9

You could get arrested for that, Spit!