See, that’s exactly the sort of thing I was looking for - though I am puzzled why some pages say ‘Adult Children Anonymous’ and others ‘Adult Children of Alcoholics’. Sadly, it looks like the nearest physical meeting would be 50 miles away.
I have advised him to get professional confirmation on the autism diagnosis, two days ago. He did not acknowledge the suggestion in a subsequent email, so … I think he’s back in the mode of “there are no immediate problems, therefore I need do nothing.”
I think the two groups often meet together. It’s a much smaller org than AA, naturally.
A quick search revealed this online forum he/you could try http://www.12stepforums.net/acoa.html
I’ve never been there and don’t endorse it, just saying you might check it out.
Next time he starts methodically listing his frustrations of the week to me without prompting, I’ll see if I can direct him that way. Sadly his internet access is limited to the public library and my house.
My understanding is that it isn’t recognized in the DSM V but it still is in the DSM IV. Different states have adopted different standards and not all recognize DSM V. What those standards are and how you’re diagnosed would play a big part in determining what services are available and what protections you have under insurance laws. But without a legitimate diagnosis, you get nothing.
Could you say more about “failure to thrive adult” as your therapist means it?
I got curious and looked online, and the first dozen or so references I found say this term means physical weakness and feebleness in typically elderly people, often precipitated by multiple chronic illnesses and the like. What is your therapist talking about more specifically?
I haven’t really looked at this, but coincidentally(?) I ran across this today:
Given his life history as you’ve told it, he’s never had the opportunity to learn long-term living skills. Between caring for the grandparents since he had a teenager’s coping ability (make it go away for now) and having no role model, he’s actually done an amazing job of keeping things going so far. Hell, I was fifty years old when I started caring for my elderly father, and I was doing the same thing. Acknowledging that will give him an enormously improved self-image.
The first thing he needs right now is understanding that he has the right to his own healthy, happy life. Getting serious help with the grandparents will be a major step; perhaps you could transfer your help to them so he has more breathing space to deal with other issues. The major factor that helped me through was that while I was putting Dad first, my sister did the same for me. That’s my usual advice for others in her situation: take care of the caregiver.
Good luck to him and you.
Sorry, there seems to be a temporal misalignment - His grandmother died when he was in junior high, he took care of his ailing grandfather in high school. His grandparents have both been dead for more than fifteen years at this point. He has no one to take care of except himself, since his mother is institutionalized. I only mentioned the grandparents to give people an idea of his early life.
There’s the Society of Grownups.
Smells like a scam, seems to be located in a particular city in Massachusetts, and even if it’s not a scam, costs money.
From this and the other stuff you’ve posted, he probably could apply for some sort of state assistance in the form of “will never get a regular job, but could do something, and will then still need some state assistance.”
But getting him to apply for that assistance is the big thing.
I don’t think anything like that exists on the state level here. And he can hold down a job as long as nothing goes wrong. There always seems to be something that comes up that makes him demonstrably unreliable to his employer, or it’s a part-time customer service job that makes him miserable.
He lost his previous job because his girlfriend (who worked at the same location) broke up with him and he would break down crying whenever he saw her (especially with her new boyfriend). He sought treatment for depression, and the anxiety caused by the otherwise horrible work environment (seriously, his office sounded like a bunch of gossipy, bitchy high schoolers), and then he had difficulty adjusting to the side effects of his medicines, ending up being regularly late for work or having to call in sick. His work cut him some slack because of the Family Medical Leave Act, I believe it was, but he ultimately exhausted all the leave to which he was entitled under that. He’d started to get on an even keel with the medicine and adjusting to the breakup after a year or so, but that’s when his employer had had enough and fired him.