Are you sure it might not be a cutesy policy of that particular restaurant (e.g. at least 15 pieces of flair?)
Your 9 year old is unable to understand when someone is joking? The waiter said it was a joke and you, her parent, instead of saying “honey, he’s only kidding” fed into the hysteria and possibly got him fired?
Sorry to single you out. I guess I’m the odd one out because the OP and many of the people responding sound kind of uptight.
Thanks to all who’ve explained – it meant nothing to me (male, but not American, and never seen the cinematic offerings concerned). All that “Underhill” conveyed to me initially, was Frodo’s alias when travelling on perilous business; whence the thought, “No, Middle-Earth doesn’t do Christmas – can’t be anything about that”.
I initially told her the server was joking, and that I’m sure he wouldn’t bring her anything with nuts. At that point he did say he was joking as well. But she’s always been nervous about her food allergies, and didn’t trust the guy, and what had been a nice trip to a restaurant turned into a problem. So yeah, I thought the way to solve it was to get a new server, not to tell my 9 year old “Just eat what he brings you even though he made a joke about giving you the food that could possibly kill you.” Since, you know, it’s a good thing to teach kids with food allergies that they should kick up a fuss if someone tries to feed them something that isn’t safe for them. I’m a little offended that you’d consider teaching my daughter to be careful of the food she eats “hysteria”.
I made no request that he get fired. I told the manager he joked about my daughter’s food allergies, and now she’s nervous, could we please have a new server. I’m not going to pretend I really give a shit what happened to him as a result though.
Just a curious question.
To the people who have a problem with a server(s) bringing a bit of humor or wit into the meal…Have you ever been a server?
Edited to say…
To the person with the daughter with nut allergies. If my child had nut allergies and the consumption of same could put her at serious risk…I probably wouldn’t trust her health to an 18, 19, or 20 year old back in a kitchen listening to a blaring radio to prepare her food the correct way. JMHO
We had a waiter at one place who told us that he was training this here young woman, so if we had any questions we should ask him. Next time he came around, I said “I have a question for you: why is the sky blue?” And he proceeded to summarized the principle of Rayleigh scattering.
Fair enough; I apologize for the offense. I don’t have a child with food allergies and going out to dinner with my parents - mostly my dad- was always a big old joke fest so I guess I just don’t relate.
It’s not the bad joke that’s a problem, it’s the harassing behavior from the waiter demanding that the patron he’s supposed to serve laugh at his bad joke. If a waiter wants to go on some kind of manipulative power trip instead of doing their job, I’ll damn well rub their face in it. If I want to eat a meal and not laugh, whether it’s because I’m tired, just heard about a death in the family, or just choose not to, I damn well expect to be able to. It’s not like there’s a shortage of places that I can go where the wait staff will actually treat me decently and with a modicum of respect; I’ve never had a situation remotely like this occur despite decades of eating out in multiple cities and at multiple price points.
The idea that I, as a patron attempting to spend money at a business, am being ‘uptight’ if I don’t wish to follow arbitrary commands from someone who’s supposed to be serving me and making my night easier (especially if the command is to laugh at a joke about a disability that I have) is pretty bizarre.
I was a busboy for 2 years, so not a server but close.
I will say that that was very much a one-time affair - usually servers are completely understanding about food allergies, confirm ingredients with the kitchen staff, etc. I think most restaurants do take it quite seriously, since having someone go into anaphylaxis during the dinner hour tends to lower their yelp ratings. And one plus for chain restaurants these days, they pretty much all have corporate-ordered procedures in place to handle food allergies.
That being said, we’ve also changed restaurants a time or two when they told us they couldn’t guarantee a nut-free meal.
No problem.
ETA: If you’re interested, check out my old Pit Thread about the nonsense parents of allergic kids have to deal with sometimes. From a daycare center of all places.
Is it enjoyable for you to get worked up over things that never happened? I’d think it would be tiring, personally. I’ve also never been so drained that ignoring a misplaced joke or simply stating, “Sorry, I’d prefer to simply eat tonight.” was beyond my abilities. Frankly, in that case, I’d find it far easier to eat at home/takeout/delivery.
If he did get fired, and you go to his home to apologize, for god’s sake don’t let his cat out.
This is pretty much my feeling.
I worked as a waiter on three continents before and during my college days, in establishments ranging from casual lunch places to formal dining rooms where men were required to wear a jacket and tie. A key to the job, whatever type of place you’re working in, is reading your customer.
While the baseline atmosphere was more formal in the high-end places than in the casual lunch places, there was room in both for some variation. I always tried to match my approach to the tone and mood of the people i was serving. That meant that i might joke and chat with one table, while adopting a straightforward, no-nonsense approach with the another table. The ability to be observant and flexible is a skill at least as valuable as being able to carry plates and clear a table.
I think a lot of people expect servers to be proud and professional members of a noble trade and to act accordingly.
Outside of (maybe?) high-end establishments, this isn’t even close to the case. They’re not even mercenaries with bought loyalty to their employers because their employers pay them next to nothing. They’re more like independent contractors, and their goal is to take whatever actions bring in the greatest income across many tables.
To servers, we are nothing but a constant stream of Skinner boxes with highly variable levers.
The best servers are the ones who can read tables well and adjust on the fly, but competent servers just figure out which actions are going to result in decent tips most of the time. So if a tired but reliable joke results in laughs more than half the time and outright irritation at low enough levels to avoid disciplinary action, it’s a win. Doesn’t matter if some customers don’t like it.
I enjoy discussing things on message boards, that’s why I’m here. The attitude of ‘how dare you express a different opinion than me on a message board, that must be tiring’ is always amusing; if you find it tiring to post on this board, you’re not obligated to post.
Maybe you should take a nap and reread what I wrote. The specific thing I objected to does not involve ‘ignoring a misplaced joke’, it involves a waiter being a manipulative jerk and calling me out in front of people in an attempt to coerce me into laughing at a joke I didn’t find funny in the first place. I simply have no desire to surrender to a bullying waiter, but you seem to think that’s it’s a jerk move to fight back.
QFT.
We’re different people and clearly inhabit different headspaces when it comes to contextualizing social encounters. Manipulative, bullying, surrender and fight back seem incredibly strong words to me as descriptors for what the OP reported.
I’ve been a waitress and bartender in lots of venues over the years. To rephrase FCM, being amusing is one thing. Putting on a floor show is another. I don’t go out with my friends to listen to a waiter tell the same jokes I hear him using on other tables. Leave your schtick on the stage and take my order please.
From the serving side, I learned pretty quickly that you have to know your audience. If your jokes are getting flat stares and no signs of amusement in your customers’ eyes, STOP IT. Trying to “joke” someone out of a bad mood or solemnness is a bad idea at any time. Even more so with a stranger. Chances are you are coming across like an oaf and buffoon and your tip is getting closer and closer to the bone. For all you know, they’ve just had bad news from a doctor, are remembering the anniversary of someone’s death, just had the 300th run-in with the boss from hell, or simply have a job where they have to be “on” all the time and just want some peace and quiet to dine in. Not too much to ask, is it?
Trying to force someone to laugh at a joke they don’t find funny through insults and social pressure is manipulation and bullying in my book, and certainly not behavior I will tolerate (or have ever encountered) from waitstaff. If you don’t think that calling someone out for not laughing at a flop of a joke is manipulative, that’s your perogative but I don’t think many people will agree with you. Some people like to push other people around, even in casual situations where there’s no real reason to, and that is a clear example of it happening.
And hey, if that’s a perfectly cool joke, what if instead the OP responded with “No tips for the one who made the joke”? Would you expect that joke not to upset the waiter at all?
That seems way over the top to me
I don’t, by any stretch of the imagination
I agree with him
No, it really isn’t
That would have been a perfect response. It would have been better than “that’s enough of that sir” (which I cannot believe was actually said).
A lot depends on context. I can’t say a performer is necessarily worse than the server I dubbed “Squatty,” after he took our order crouched on the floor peeking up from just below tabletop level, but I absolutely expect my server to follow my cues when it comes to the amount of social interaction and entertainment I want with my meal. I try to be gentle, but clear, and I say things like, “I/We like you, but I/we just want to quietly discuss something,” or “Sorry, but this is kind of a solemn occasion,” or “I’m afraid I’m just not up to your energy level tonight.” Sadly, gentle clarity does not always work.
A server who makes jokes about the service? Dunno. If I ask for something and hear “I’ll consider it,” I’m apt to respond with “Take your time as I recalculate your tip.” If their livelihood is funny, it’s funny.
There have been some instances in which I smiled or laughed at a waiter/waitress’ joke.
There are zero instances in which friendly, accurate, attentive service wouldn’t have gotten at least as good a tip without the banter. Never saw a guy at open mike night grabbing trays and serving drinks, so obviously compartmentalization is possible.
In a restaurant, I don’t want to hear the steak moo, the eggs cackle, the sausage oink, or the server sing. Not what I’m there for, not what they’re there for.