Does anyone here have any experience with retirement communities? I am planning
on selling my house and downsizing. Also,I probably could use some more social
interactions - since retiring and my best friend moving to the Midwest USA I haven’t
been socializing much.
I would be interested in any stories you have - good, bad or ugly. Thanks.
Two years ago we started construction on a new home in an “active senior” (55+) community, and moved in a year later (almost exactly one year ago). I retired in 2021 and my wife retired in 2023.
Our community has an active social calendar – there are interest groups, and parties, a gym and 2 pools. Because it’s all new construction everyone here has moved from somewhere else … so everyone here is incentivized to get out and meet people and make friends.
For us, it’s been perfect. We love it here and have no regrets.
My grandparents and then my own parents lived in one. There were a lot of things to do if you like socialization—where my mother is now though, her biggest gripe is that, while the activities exist, few people seem interested in doing them. Most of the people in hers are a lot older than 55 though, and most seem to want to be left alone or just visit with their own friends rather than take part in organized activities .
But it still beats the alternative, because in her old home ( a non-55+ community), there were of course no activities at all.
Both sets of parents are now in communities–Wake Robin in Vermont and Waterstone outside Boston. Very different experiences. Wake Robin is nice but other than a great setting adjacent to Lake Champlain pretty average. The food in particular is nothing to write home about. Very social, however. Waterstone is Very Fancy, excellent food, but in a suburban setting with almost no grounds. Much more of an apartment building. Lots of social events, but since it’s extremely upscale a lot of folks still have vacation homes. Unfortunately my parents’ best friend died a few weeks ago. This will happen.
Early this year I went through a divorce and was looking at buying a home in a retirement community. I’m only 70 years old, but I was tired of doing the yard-work and other exterior maintenance myself.
While I’m sure it varies by area, in the area I was looking at moving to their were a couple available. The price of the home itself wasn’t much higher than any other comparable home, but the HOA fees were quite high. Something like $25-30k a year. They take care of all of the maintenance, and even have an onsite medical facility if you ever need it, but they didn’t provide meals. There were lots of activities if you want them, such as pickleball etc. I couldn’t justify paying that kind of money to live in a retirement community, but apparently a lot of people can.
I ended up buying an almost new home outside of town which suited me better and had much less expensive HOA fees ($200 annually). I still have to do the weekly yard-work to keep things looking good for the neighbors. I could hire someone to do it for me, but I need the exercise.
I do believe @ThelmaLou is happily settled into one!
Yes, I’m coming up on my one year anniversary of moving in here. I’m planning to do a follow-up post to talk about what my life is like now and how it’s changed. Later. 
Dad and Stepmom lived out their last years in Fox Run outside Detroit. It’s a huge (1500+ apartments) complex, with its own restaurants, gym, pools, barbers, dentists and doctors offices, hobby rooms and a small hospital. They liked it, and my impression is nearly everyone there liked it; always cheery people in the halls. They kept a busy social life there. After Stepmom passed, he’d sometimes go to the dinner hall alone and ask to be seated at random. This was a great way to meet 3 strangers.
Mrs Turki-Lurki and I moved into one that is affiliated with a group we belong to. It is small (only a couple of hundred residents) but we are all ‘simpatico’- similar world views, though not the same religious or political views, etc. We now feel like it was a great decision even though at first we felt like we made the move too early. To me the first issue in choosing a retirement spot is the character and temperament of the folks you will live with. If these are a good match, then you can start looking at the color of the drapes and counting swimming pools.
Is a “retirement community” the same as “assisted living”?
“Assisted living” to me means a large apartment building. Healthy people living independently, but with food provided and some social activities available. There is an auditorium/meeting room that gets used often. They have a shuttle bus to the local shopping malls.(I assume you’re healthy enough to drive now , but what about 5 or 8 years from now?)
If that is what you are looking for, I recommend looking at a couple of aspects: size of the facility, and the food provided.
Regarding size, I recommend a simple rule: the more residents, the better.
A smallish place of ,say, 100 people is too small to offer extras such as entertainment. A musical trio, lectures, card games. etc. need to draw an audience of 30 or 50 people, or it won’t happen, So look for a large facility with a base of several hundred residents.
The food. This is critical–It really affects your life. You don’t want to feel restricted , like in an “institutional” style environment.
How many cafeterias and restaurants are on the premises, and are they open all day?
I would not want to have to live knowing that for the rest of my life, I must eat lunch at exactly 12:30 every day, or wait till 5:30 when they serve supper.
When you visit the facility, don’t just take the tour with the salesman. Go to the facility several days in a row at meal times, and watch how the residents interact. See whether there are lots of tables occupied by friends chatting, or are most people eating alone, looking sad and lonely. Check the menus carefully, every meal, for two weeks --see how much variety is offered. Write down what items you would choose, take the list home and study it. Will you be satisfied being restricted to those items?
Sure, you can cook in your apartment just like you do now in your house…but over time, you will find yourself relying more and more on the convenience of the cafeteria at the end of the hallway. Make sure you like it.
Did you live in a college dorm half a century ago? An assisted living facility is oddly similar…you are in close quarters with a lot of people…and not just for 4 years. It can be enjoyable, but also feel a bit claustrophobic and limiting. But as you age, that can be a good feeling, too, having support available within reach at arm’s length…
(I offer the above observations after watching my parents thrive, after selling their home and moving to assisted living.)
My father-in-law lived in a retirement community for ten years. It was only assisted living for the last year or so, after he reached 100, and needed more help. It was very much like a dorm. Dinner at the dining hall, a kitchen for breakfast and lunch, lots of activities, and lots of gossip. His place had lots of creative people (he was a composer and music teacher) which was nice.
It was very successful.
Some Kind of Heaven (2020)
~Max
Thank you everyone for your answers. ThelmaLou I am looking forward to
reading your story.
I can handle the day to day things such as cooking and cleaning. I feel that
not having to take care of the yard and house maintenance would be less
stressful. Having people nearby to socialize with or if I suddenly became sick
would probably be a good idea. At this time, I don’t have many people to fall
back on - have no children, nieces/nephews, and the nearest sibling is 4 hours
away.
Nothing but good experiences here. My sister and I will occasionally ask “Have YOU talked to Mom lately? She’s never ‘home’!”
When we do get hold of her, it’s “Oh, I’ve been too busy. We had an equestrian historian come in and speak on ancient eohippus and where American horses came from, then we had a party in the parking lot for lunch, BBQ, with a band but they were way too loud, then Dick got us playing Word On The Street before Bridge Club. I was paired with Ed, he’s so arrogant, do you know what he said today…? Anyhow, we’re all watching the Brewers and they’re about to start playing, so make it fast…”
(she’s 97, and we’re glad she’s in a ‘sorority’)
From my father’s experience, I would say @chappachula’s description and prescription are right on the mark. After my mother died, my father sold up and moved into a retirement community/assisted living facility. He had a full 2-bedroom apartment with kitchen, but he ate most of the time in the dining room, because cooking for 1 was too much trouble. The trouble was, he hadn’t done any of the due diligence described in that post, and pretty soon he was unhappy about some things, including the food served, especially dinner.
One thing that @chappachula didn’t mention to look out for is – how does the staff treat the residents, perhaps especially the residents that are still fully functional. My father complained that they were treating him like a child, and that’s what drove him away after only a few months, and he lived the rest of his life in a regular apartment by himself. Granted that my father was hard to get along with sometimes, disagreeing with him wasn’t a problem for him, but condescension was. Now that I am getting closer to that age, that is also something I worry about if I ever enter that kind of facility.
We’ve got one here in the Portland and Seattle area that is advertising on television and radio all the time. It sounds like a nice place, but why didn’t someone tell them the name might be a tiny drawback.
Just clink on the link to get the name of the organization. https://housing4seniors.com/ 
It’s a feature, not a bug! I bet it draws in a lot of like-minded seniors. They all like that style of carpeting from the 1970’s!
Well, in Seattle, you can live at Providence Mount St. Vincent. My MIL’s there, and the care is only surpassed by the view. It’s pretty much on the highest point of West Seattle, and looks out across Elliot Bay at the downtown skyline.
When you are there, does the word “SHAG” come to mind?
My 70 year old aunt lives in The Villages. She absolutely loves it.
(Me? I don’t think I could ever live in one. Heck, I would hate living in HOA, or even inside city limits. Ain’t gonna live anywhere where I can’t have a gun range in the backyard. 
)