Pardon me. We are but poor lost stormtroopers. Is there a spaceport nearby?
Uncle Ben: No, there’s nothing around for miles.
Good. Then there’ll be no-one to hear you scream.
They blow up an entire deathstar with ONE shot?!?! Inconceivable!!
1971: Two women were tarred and feathered in Belfast for dating British soldiers, After 1200 years Britain abandoned the 12-shilling system for the decimal system, Nixon expressed his bigotry against women, blacks and Mexicans and Italians on tape recordings that were only made public in 1998, The Russian Mars 2 Orbiter and Lander made it to Mars but crashed, James Douglas Morrison (Doors) died, The rock opera "Jesus Christ Superstar" opened, Imagine and American Pie recorded
Luke: Put that down. Hey! That’s my dinner.
Yoda: Dinner, dinner, going without makes you thinner.
Luke: Listen, friend, we didn’t mean to land in that puddle, and if we could get our ship out, we would, but we can’t, so why don’t you just…
Yoda: In me you can trust. To get your ship out you must.
Luke: I don’t want your help. I want my lamp back. I’ll need it to get out of this slimy mudhole.
Yoda: My home this is. This little puddle.
Luke: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Yoda: Anybody want a peanut?
Luke: Aauuuggghhhhh!!!
…turns out he wasn’t the real Darth Vader either. His name was Skywalker. The real Darth Vader has been retired these past 20 years, living like a king on Tatooine. You see it’s the name that inspires the necessary fear.
-Give us back Han Solo.
-What Han Solo?
-Chewie, rip his arms off.
-Oh, you mean that Han Solo.
-Did you hear that? He said “The Force”. What cause can be more noble than that?
-No, he distinctly said, “a farce” …
Leia: I’ll never tell you where the rebel base is!
Darth: I would not say such things if i were you!
Leia: The rebels will destroy you!
Darth: I would not say such things if i were you!!!
Emperor: Surrender!
Luke: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well then, i accept.
-You can’t blow up a Death Star!
-Nonsense, you’re only saying that because no one ever has.
C3PO: Good night, Luke, sleep well, the Ewoks will most likely kill you in the morning.
Grandfather: That’s right, when I was your age, television was called books; And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick and I used to read it to your father…and today, I’m gonna read it to you.
Kid: [less interested] Does it got any sports in it?
Grandfather: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles.
Kid: It doesn’t sound too bad. I’ll try and stay awake.
Grandfather: Oh, well, thank you very much. That’s very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. Oh…alright…Star Wars by George Lucas, Episode 4 A New Hope.
Kid: Hold it! Hold it! What is this? Are you trying to trick me? What do you mean Episode 4? You’re supposed to start with Episode 1!
Grandfather: Wait, just wait. It will take 20 plus years to get to that story.
Greedo: You have a blaster hidden under the table! Ah … but you can’t trick me … you might have hidden the blaster in my hand, hoping I’d switch it with yours! So I’ll fire this one instead! BLAM!
[Greedo falls down dead]
Han: Actually, I hid a blaster in both our hands. I’ve been a space pirate for so long I’ve built up an immunity to blaster fire.
Leia: Do you promise not to destroy Alderaan?
Vader: What was that?
Leia: If I tell you where the rebel base is, do you promise not to destroy that planet?
Vader: May I live a thousand years and never hunt down a Jedi again!
Leia: Call off the Death Star from the planet.
Vader: I swear it will be done. (aside, to Tarkin) Once she tells us where the base is, set the controls to destroy Alderaan.
Tarkin: I swear it will be done.
Luke: He’s here. He’s on this moon. I can feel his presence.
Leia: How do you know?
Luke: He can track a falcon on a cloudy day. He uses the Force. He can feel when I’m near. I’m endangering the group; I shouldn’t be here.
Han: My blaster, your brains, and Chewie’s strength against sixty stormtroopers and you think a little teddy bear with a stick’s going to make me happy? Hmm? I mean, if we only had a scout walker or something …
Admiral Ackbar: Rebewwion. Rebewwion is what bwings us to attack today. That bwessed wesistance to opwession, that dweam of fweedom …
Emperor P: Your little rebellion is crushed. I have ordered their destruction myself.
Luke: Then why is there fear behind your eyes?
Vader: I can’t afford to make exceptions. I mean once word gets out that a Dark Lord of the Sith’s gone soft people will disobey him and it’s nothing but work, work, work, all day long.
Greedo: …but being a smuggler you do everything backwards so i can clearly not trust the glass before you. However you’re obviously used to dealing with deception so you’re probably counting on me knowing that so i can clearly not trust the wine before me.
Han: Is this going to take much longer?
Greedo: I’m just getting warmed up!!! Now, we’re on Tattooine which of course has two moons which reverses tidal flows on a bigerrenial basis but that’s something you’d know by heart, figuring to use the sediment flow to keep the iocaine at the bottom so I can clearly…
Han: Oh for cripe’s sake… ZZZZAAAAPPP
1977: Star Wars catches our imaginations, Steven Jobs and Steve Wozniak founded the Apple Computer Co. producing the first pre-assembled, mass-produced PC, Elvis died (supposedly), Queen Elizabeth marked her Silver Jubilee, The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo test flight, Bing Crosby died, The Village People gave us YMCA
Two, the tarnishing of Murphy’s name. DPR wrote “…Murphy installed the sensors wrong and the test failed to provide results…”
This is incorrect. It’s true the phrase was invented by Murphy. It’s also true the sensors were designed by Murphy. But he did not and could not have installed the sensors wrong though for one simple reason. Murphy did not install the sensors.
A few days later, Stapp quoted Murphy in a press conference. “If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those results in a catastrophe, then someone will do it that way.”
This would eventualy give birth to hundreds of laws that paid homage to Murphy, the most famous being “If anything can go wrong, it will.”
Kudos to DPR for begining this thread. I neglected to include that in my earlier post. In retrospect I ought to have addressed the second concern in a private e-mail.
I do not have a copy of The Princess Bride or the Starwars trilogy on hand, and would appreciate it if someone would make a post involving the device that makes Westly nearly dead.
Kenobi: If you cut me down now, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine!
Vader: I would sooner destroy a stained glass window than a jedi suck as… wait, what am I thinking? [slices Obi-Wan in half, stomps on remains]
I’m going to have to extrapolate a bit…let’s suppose Luke and the Emperor are dueling with lightsabers, hmmm? And of course, Luke’s winning.
Luke: Offer me anything I ask for!
Emperor: All that I have and more!
::one quick stab through the chest::
Luke: I want my father back, you son of a bitch