"Revenge" spam. What. The fuck??!?

The BBQ Pit
1

I just got this spam in my beleagured inbox:

What. The fuck??!?

Is this guy/lady offering to commit physical harm on a respondent’s perp of their choosing? Or, as the email suggests, are they going harness the awesome power of crystals to put a hex on them? I’ve received a few clearly paranoid delusional spams before (remember the “help, I need a time traveller!” one?), but this is the spookiest so far.

Psychotic or a mentalist? Or both? Or neither - is it market research? You decide.

2

I’m guessing crystal bullshit.

I actually opened this thread thinking it was going to be about getting an enemy’s email on spam lists as revenge. There was a guy I worked with whom I considered doing such a thing too. It would have been soooo easy… And I would have made sure he was on the vilest lists too, like ads for animals having sex with dead people, then vomiting on them. Or whatever.

3

I like that they’re only looking for “Mentally stable” individuals. Wouldn’t want any nutters to respond, now would we?

[aside] A friend of mine put my email address a gay singles site in 1996, before spam was a critical problem. To this day I get unsolicited personal emails containing pictures of chaps wanking themselves off. I’m straight myself, but I do think if I weren’t, I’d respond a lot better to a picture of chocolates or flowers or something, rather than the money shot of someone I’ve never met before. [/aside]

4

hands jjimm godiva chocolates and a bouquet of roses

So… when can I schedule you for the money shot?

:smiley:

5

What - not even a picture of a candlelit dinner? :frowning:

Further to this hijack of my own thread, there’s some Spanish-speaking merchant seaman called Luis, who appears to have a girl in each port, to whom, for the past five years, he has been handing out my hotmail address.

6

Okay. Candlelit dinner with my famous lasagna, a good Merlot, an after dinner scotch… and then we’ll negotiate.’’

:smiley: :eek: :smiley:

7

Well, OK, I guess you’ve earned yourself the right to send me a picture of yourself wanking.

Actually, please don’t. Really.

8

ROFL!

Trust me, I wouldn’t and won’t.

I was hoping that in lieu of an appearance in person, I’d get the picture of you.

:smiley:

9

Querido Luis,

Por favor me manda medicinas, tengo una infección. Necesito la penicilina muy fuerte.

Todo mi amor,

Maria.

PS: Le pienso debo ver a un doctor también.

10

Kal, LOL - and I don’t use that abbreviation lightly. :smiley:

11

It seems clear the e-mail is from…
[SNL Church lady’s voice]

SATAN!!

[/SNL Church lady’s voice]

You don’t even have to pay the $100,000. Just sign this little contract, in your own blood of course. Don’t worry about the fine print.

Good luck.

12

Hey, I got two of these today too. The “mentally stable” part made me chuckle.

13

eagerly checks email for Revenge spam

Bah! Nothin :frowning:

14

Jjimm, perhaps someone misspelt Jizm on their business card.

15

Nah, it was just yoghurt.

16

I’ll hope you didn’t check what flavour?

17

voice-over: Today, we’re replacing Revtim’s ordinary spam with new Crystal Bullshit. Let’s see if he notices the difference…

18

My new business card:

Manwithaplan - purveyor of the very finest mis-spilt jism. The best splash for your cash - guaranteed.

Dial 1890 MAPOFCAVAN, or, if dialling from outside the Republic of Ireland, 555 SALTYJELLY

Remember our motto - “A refund is a must, if you find a crust”

19

That’s a very spunky mission statement.

20

Shoot, all I got today was spam asking me “Are you sick of Spam” :dubious: