"Revenge" spam. What. The fuck??!?

I just got this spam in my beleagured inbox:

What. The fuck??!?

Is this guy/lady offering to commit physical harm on a respondent’s perp of their choosing? Or, as the email suggests, are they going harness the awesome power of crystals to put a hex on them? I’ve received a few clearly paranoid delusional spams before (remember the “help, I need a time traveller!” one?), but this is the spookiest so far.

Psychotic or a mentalist? Or both? Or neither - is it market research? You decide.

I’m guessing crystal bullshit.

I actually opened this thread thinking it was going to be about getting an enemy’s email on spam lists as revenge. There was a guy I worked with whom I considered doing such a thing too. It would have been soooo easy… And I would have made sure he was on the vilest lists too, like ads for animals having sex with dead people, then vomiting on them. Or whatever.

I like that they’re only looking for “Mentally stable” individuals. Wouldn’t want any nutters to respond, now would we?

[aside] A friend of mine put my email address a gay singles site in 1996, before spam was a critical problem. To this day I get unsolicited personal emails containing pictures of chaps wanking themselves off. I’m straight myself, but I do think if I weren’t, I’d respond a lot better to a picture of chocolates or flowers or something, rather than the money shot of someone I’ve never met before. [/aside]

hands jjimm godiva chocolates and a bouquet of roses

So… when can I schedule you for the money shot?


What - not even a picture of a candlelit dinner? :frowning:

Further to this hijack of my own thread, there’s some Spanish-speaking merchant seaman called Luis, who appears to have a girl in each port, to whom, for the past five years, he has been handing out my hotmail address.

Okay. Candlelit dinner with my famous lasagna, a good Merlot, an after dinner scotch… and then we’ll negotiate.’’

:smiley: :eek: :smiley:

Well, OK, I guess you’ve earned yourself the right to send me a picture of yourself wanking.

Actually, please don’t. Really.


Trust me, I wouldn’t and won’t.

I was hoping that in lieu of an appearance in person, I’d get the picture of you.


Querido Luis,

Por favor me manda medicinas, tengo una infección. Necesito la penicilina muy fuerte.

Todo mi amor,


PS: Le pienso debo ver a un doctor también.

Kal, LOL - and I don’t use that abbreviation lightly. :smiley:

It seems clear the e-mail is from…
[SNL Church lady’s voice]


[/SNL Church lady’s voice]

You don’t even have to pay the $100,000. Just sign this little contract, in your own blood of course. Don’t worry about the fine print.

Good luck.

Hey, I got two of these today too. The “mentally stable” part made me chuckle.

eagerly checks email for Revenge spam

Bah! Nothin :frowning:

Jjimm, perhaps someone misspelt Jizm on their business card.

Nah, it was just yoghurt.

I’ll hope you didn’t check what flavour?

voice-over: Today, we’re replacing Revtim’s ordinary spam with new Crystal Bullshit. Let’s see if he notices the difference…

My new business card:

Manwithaplan - purveyor of the very finest mis-spilt jism. The best splash for your cash - guaranteed.

Dial 1890 MAPOFCAVAN, or, if dialling from outside the Republic of Ireland, 555 SALTYJELLY

Remember our motto - “A refund is a must, if you find a crust”

That’s a very spunky mission statement.

Shoot, all I got today was spam asking me “Are you sick of Spam” :dubious: