I have a 12 year old girl who loves to read (particularly Warriors or Wings of Fire- think Game of Thrones for anthropomorphized cats or dragons), loves actual dogs and cats, drawing, downhill skiing, and watching YouTube videos of young sassy woman react to other YouTube videos.
But I get the general sense these are the twilight years of her and I doing meaningful things together that could still be considered a childhood experience.
So I am asking you fine people for ideas. It can be a weekend trip, or a small afternoon crafting project.
Anything that she will remember her and I doing together fondly. We live in the Midwest in case that matters.
When my daughter was that age I often took her and her little brother to various museums in Pittsburgh. We would walk slowly and talk about what we saw. It could be mostly dinosaurs one day, and art the next. When her teacher did a unit on Andy Warhol, she was proud to be able to discuss our trips to the Warhol Museum.
Because her brother “tolerated” these trips, he always got to choose where we went for dinner those days.
Now they are adults and they still talk about our museum explorations.
One of my daughter’s favorite memories is dinner and a show with just me. (no sister!). We went to a nice restaurant and saw Les Mis. She was around 12 years old, and still mentions it 20 years later.
My 11 year old daughter loves dogs and cats too, and we volunteer at the local humane society once or twice a month. They just need people to interact with the cats, feed them, etc. Nothing too difficult. It gives my daughter a chance to hang out with a bunch of cats, do some good, and it’s a good experience to share with her.
This might not be the “traditional” fun-time activity, but, for my daughter anyway, it’s become one of her favorite things to do; she looks forward to going every month.
I was divorced when my daughter was young and had only limited weekend access to her. I always made a point of taking her somewhere when I had her, and often it was the San Francisco Zoo, the Palace of Fine Arts, the Steinhart Aquarium, Marine Animal Park where I worked, the Planetarium etc. I lived in the SF Bay Area and there was always something to do with her on a weekend, even if it meant going to see a movie at the local theater. She always looked forward to hanging out with her dad. She’s 40 years old, and still does.
Ages 12-15 were the prime years for me to take my daughter with me on volunteer activities.
Sorting clothing and food donations for the homeless. Picking up and sorting donations for the food pantry. She started doing food drives in her middle school (very affluent student population) and is now the leader of the high school social service club.
We also played a lot of tennis, she’s now on the high school team.
Also a bunch of STEM activities because I’m militantly pro women & girls in STEM. Seminars in science and technology subjects at local Universities (Nice to have Harvard and MIT in your backyard, plus a bunch of other top tier schools).
I just want to say that those are also my daughters favorite books and activities. We used to bond over me reading them to her, but as much as I actually enjoyed that, I’m glad she’s reading them to herself. It just wasn’t much fun getting yelled at because I say Jaykit when when now he’s Jaypaw…
I don’t have any good advice for activities, though. Mostly I just try and listen when I’m being told some long story about Minecraft and SCPs.
With my kids at that age we would go on a leisurely bike ride, just one on one, no siblings. We would be gone for a 1/2 hour or maybe an hour or more.
Usually ride to their old elementary school and then around the neighborhoods to see if any of their friends might be out and have a short chat with them. Sometimes a farther trip to the ice cream shop or convenience store for some candy. Had many a discussion with them about life in general without the pressure of being face to face.
Came to pretty much an abrupt end when they got their drivers license or one of their friends did.
Museums. I used to take our daughter to the Children’s Museum, but yours sounds a bit too old for that. But there might be a science or history museum she;d like
Hiking and Parks – National or State Parks with things to see on short hikes might be a good idea.
Outdoor activities – I took my daughter skiing and snow-tubing. But you can do swimming at beaches or other things
Amusement Parks – I’ve gone with my daughter to local amusement parks many times, from age 5 on up to 25. Water Parks and big venues (like Disney) are also fun.
Conventions – we used to take our daughter to science fiction conventions, but she preferred anime conventions, and I took her to a few of those.
My now almost 13 year old grandchild and I bonded over driving go-karts–there’s an indoor track and I got him into the racing school as a birthday gift couple years ago and we go whenever I can afford it and race them fast little 6hp karts around. He loved being the one in charge of a motor vehicle and it gave him a lot of confidence along with being just plain fun. I love driving so it was absolutely no hardship for me either. Kids who’re pre-driver’s license tend to love getting to drive something real fast.
I also give him cooking lessons because everyone needs to know how THAT works.
I’m not a father, so take this advice for what it’s worth, but…maybe you’re asking the wrong people? Is there something she’d like to do? Feels like asking to share something she’s interested in would tell her that you value her ideas and acknowledge her growing independence and autonomy. Maybe the two of you can sit down and figure out something fun you’d both enjoy.
I suspect that anything you do together where she’s getting your full attention will be something she’ll look back on happily when she’s an adult.
You could be describing my daughters, 11 and 13. They love the same books and will talk endlessly about the plots and characters.
Most activities are hit or miss. Sledding, nature walks, museum visits and so on may leave them cold or have them bubbling over with enthusiasm.
The only surefire winner is swimming. They would stay in the water all day, and will even play with dorky old Dad. (“Shark” is a game of tag we evolved, where the person who is the shark can only perform the tag while swimming underwater. Ankles are the preferred target.)
Is there an indoor swimming pool accessible? Swimming opportunities are exponentially more special in the wintertime.
Hah! I took my son to an outdoor go-cart track, but he was a couple of years too young (there was a minimum age posted). He was tall for his age and convinced me that he could pass.
We were the only ones there. We raced around for a while, then he got way ahead of me. I was going slow, waiting for him to catch up and out of nowhere he rear ended me.
I hurt my back. He wasn’t injured, but was laughing hysterically. We got thrown out. He still tells people the story.
When you fix stuff around the house or in the garage, do you invite her to help/observe? That was my favorite thing to do with my dad. We actually put together a lot of flat-pack furniture and stuff. Every so often I’d get to learn about a new (to me) tool or learn something about measuring and cutting.
Now I’m in my 40s and he’s in his 70s and we still do that sort of stuff together. We put an outdoor swing together last year and this year we fixed some boards on the shed.
Oddly enough these recent activities have been quite healing for our contentious Left/Right relationship.
This is a fantastic plan. I have a friend who would take his daughter to do intake for items at the Habitat for Humanity Re-Store and take her to concerts, sometimes of the music he liked and sometimes her choices. She’s in her 20s now and still volunteers her time, and still sometimes goes to a concert with Dad.
I do wish I had such memories. My dad was usually busy coaching my brothers sports and the thing we had in common, mostly, was reading. He did take me out to get my first pair of shoes that weren’t the old-style girl’s gym shoes and he acted very serious about it. I wore those shoes to death to prove to him that he had invested wisely.
That reminds me of a one that my kid really enjoyed. Just taking stuff apart for fun. Putting it back together is optional. Do you have any broken small appliances or other junk around?
I had an electric kettle that didn’t work because a small plastic tab broke. My kid had a great time stripping it down so the plastic could go in the trash and the body in scrap metal. We’ve done similar for ancient laptops to harvest parts for art projects.
I wonder what I would have done had my daughter been born a daughter (she came out as a trans woman a couple of years ago). We still enjoy the same things together: the 3 b’s (baseball, beer, and bbq). Finding movies that are similar to Wings of Fire and Warriors may be a good activity; you can do the research together.
