I reckon we should fly to the moon.
Because we can.
So anyway, about 80 odd years ago your dad and mine came here, now we’re having a right fucking scrap among ourselves.
Well whatever, one of us is gonna win and personally I hope it’s our side.
I’m outta here
“Mankind Representin’ on the Moon, yo!”
(“That’s one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for Mankind”)
“It is ON, Motherfuckers!”
(“This morning the British Ambassador in Berlin handed the German Government a final note stating that unless we heard from them by 11.00 a.m. that they were prepared at once to withdraw their troops from Poland, a state of war would exist between us. I have to tell you that no such undertaking has been received, and that consequently this country is at war with Germany…”)
“I’m Ozymandias and I be Big Pimpin’, bitches!”
("My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look upon my works, Ye Mighty, and despair!")
The first Christmas, according to God’s messengers, involved poor shepherds who were in their fields asleep. In the fields where they were watching their sheep, on a cold night during winter. Christmas! Christmas! Christmas! Christmas! The king of Israel is born!
We know these things are absolute true. That all (white, straight, Protestant) MEN (that doesn’t include the girls) are created equal with rights that extende to only white, straight Protestant MEN (again, that does not include the girls). So all you men can fuck around as much as you want, but if there is even a hint that your girl is totally, absolutely 100% percent untouched, ditch the slut.
Come, please come, “God With Us,” and save Israel, the slaves. They’re sad and lonely and exiled - until God’s son appears. Be glad! Be glad! “God With Us” has come to you, Israel.
Yo, Iñigo Montoya is in the house. You wasted my old man, now I’m a-gonna bust a cap in your ass, dawg.
Back in The Day, Caesar issued an executive order: everyone who lived in the entire Roman World had to register for a head count so they could be taxed. (Some dude named Quirinius was in charge of Syria at the time, and this was the first count that took place during his tenure.) So everyone went to their home town to register. Joseph, too: he went from Nazareth (in Galilee) to Bethlehem (in Judea), David’s town, to sign up, because his ancestor was David. He brought along his fiance Mary, who was extremely pregnant. While they were in Bethlehem, she had the baby; it was her first child, a boy. She wrapped him up in strips of cloth and then put him a makeshift crib - a feeding trough, in a barn, since the only hotel was full.
In the nearby fields there were shepherds; it was night, and they were keeping an eye on their sheep. Suddenly one of God’s messengers showed up in front of them, and he was shining so brightly with God’s light that the shepherds were terrified. “Don’t be afraid!” the messenger said. “I have fantastic news - news that’s so good that everybody’s gonna be happy. Today, in Bethlehem (David’s town), someone has been born who’s going to save you: the Annointed One, your lord. Here’s the sign to look for: you’ll see a baby, wrapped up in strips of cloth, sleeping in a feeding trough.” All of a sudden, hundreds more messengers showed up and joined the first messenger. They started singing praise to God: “Only the best praise to God! Praise to the people on Earth, too - God is pleased with them.”
Luke 2:1-14
Dave: This isn’t funny, HAL. Let me in!!! I’ve got the stress pills!!
HAL: I’m sorry. Dave’s not here.
To tell the truth, bitch, I don’t give a flyin’, fuckin’ rat’s ass.
You know, if I were dead, I wouldn’t have to put up with all these troubles. But, on the other hand, I’m not so sure that death’s all it’s cracked up to be; maybe it sucks. Better to stick with the devil you know.
“Stan, ya fucked it up again didn’cha?”
“He’s not the Messiah, he’s got an ASBO.”
Not mine, but the scale is just too amazing not to link to:
The Lolcat Bible, Old and New Testament.