Last night I foud a spider.
A nasty disgusting spider, but being the kind-happy go lucky person that I am, I struck up a conversation with the spider.
“Hello Mr. Spider,” I said.
“Don’t make me eat you tubby,” replied the spider.
Now normally, I’d insults like this go unnoticed, but I had tried to be civil. So I took some toilet paper and wadded it up. Working deftly, to avoid making the spider suspicious I quickly blinded him with the toilet paper then compressed him–compressed him like a black hole compresses Rossane Barr–into the size of a garden pea.
Now left with this goey nasty wad of tissue I flushed it and the spider.
Flash forward 4 hrs. I’m brushing my teath for bed and realize the water in the toilet is kinda low. So I flush it figuring whatever the problem is, that will fix it. No I haven’t been getting any sleep
Yes, the spider had the last laught. That FUCKER blocked up my toilet! Tha Ass-Nazi!
I try a few things, then give up it’s now 1 am and I embark on my quest for a plunger. On my rather … URGENT quest.
After much searching I finally find a plunger.
It’s a two piece dealie. The rubber thingie that screws into the handle. And unlike other plungers I’ve seen this one has an acrylic plastic handle. I guess for easier clean up. Because, unlike most plungers this one is RIBBED FOR YOUR PLEASURE!
Now I’m sure you’ve heard about the ER tale, about the man who was pleasuring himself with a plunger he had stuck to the bottom of the bath tub but he slipped and punctured a lung?
Well this plunger is ideally made for that purpose. acrylic plastic for easy clean up after… activities. And the first 1/3rd of the stick thingy is a series of knobs, which are either to increase stimulation or give me a better grip.
Well after using the plunger, those knobs ain’t helping my grip.
WHY THE FUCK CAN"T YOU PEOPLE JUST BUY SEX TOYS! We don’t need a market niche for pseudo-sex toys–normal objects that can also be used for personal pleasure. I just want a fucking plunger that works! Not some sort of rectum pounding ribbed plastic piece of shite!
Get off your asses and buy your own Benwah beads! Use the plungers for what they are intended for!