Rick Reilly, Collin Kaepernick, Adoptees and Birth Mothers

According to Reilly, she last tried to contact Colin when he was 18 and neither rich nor famous. She did not talk to Reilly for his piece, although she did do at least one media interview. And she’s a dental nurse who seems to have a nice house. Who knows what her status or motives are - but she’s done nothing to justify this kind of suspicion.

How do you know he doesn’t know anything about adoption and reunions between birth parents and children?

Stinkpot, yes it is very harsh and unfair, but you insist the article “heavily implies it”…no it actually doesnt contain anything suggesting she is trailer trash or out for money. She tried to initiate contact with him before he was famous, and btw she is according to the article, a nurse. She tried to contact him before he rose to fame. Please try to use some factual background

Guinastsia, well as others here noticed as well,he is making unfounded stereotypes, (described the birthmom as trailer trash out for money, when in fact the article says the opposite…she tried to reach her son before he was famous and she is a nurse )…im assuming he was not either adopted or an adoptive parent or he probably woulda mentioned it. Although you dont need to personally experience adoption to know about it, you have to then read alot about it to gain some understanding of all the complexities involved. My boyfriends gf has no personal experience with it but she is very educated about it, she doesnt portray birthparents she doesnt know as trailer trash if they desire to reunite with their child. It definately is alot diferent if one has personal experience with an issue but if not, a person should at least be well educated on the matter

If she hadn’t tried to meet him earlier, what conclusion could you draw from that? I agree with you that it is the adoptee’s decision whether to reconnect or not, and maybe his birthmother believes the same thing and chose not to contact him because of that.

Emphasis above is mine.

Please try to get Stink Fish Pot’s username correct, even if you disagree with his (?) comments.

In answer , yes, it says she tried to contact him some years back before he was ever famous

Hey, I already apologized for it… What do you need, a personal acknowledgement?

:slight_smile:

Besides, my info came from another source, which I have been looking for. Granted, it may have been on the level of a TMZ, but I didn’t just make it up. The guy who wrote the story might have, but I didn’t. :stuck_out_tongue:

Let’s just say, in case I don’t find the somewhat snarky article, that she is a lovely woman and only wants to meet her boy Colin to tell him stories about his family. His roots, so to speak.
Just one other thing… Tollhouse, you made the statement that if Colin would feel like he committed treason for talking to his real mom, it probably came from a feeling given to him by his adoptive parents, who may not be giving him the encourage,ent he needs to meet his birth mom.

Where do you get this stuff? Maybe he would feel like he was committing treason because the woman who raised him, the only mother he’s ever known may be hurt by his reaching out to his birth mother. And maybe this is NOT a feeling he got from her, but from feelings he has on the subject himself. Maybe he asked himself, “how would I feel if I adopted a child and they wanted to meet the birth mother or father?”. Perhaps, he thought he would feel bad, therefore he wouldn’t want to hurt his own mother like that. You simply have no idea what is going on inside his head, and why he has made the decisions he has.

From reading your posts, you are an adopted child, correct? Would it be fair to say that you had feelings of abandonment and needed to hear your mother give you a tearful story to make you feel better about why you were put up for adoption?

If you are going to tell me it is none of my business, you are correct. Just like it is none of your business why Colin doesn’t want to meet his mother for coffee. Maybe one day that will change, maybe it won’t. But remember this… Her circumstances when she was pregnant and gave birth to him caused him to be given up for adoption, correct? Well, maybe now, Kaepernick’s circumstances cause him to not want to contact her at this point. And he may never make the connection. And guess what? That is completely within his rights, regardless of whether or not his birth mother is crying herself to sleep every night or if she is sleeping like a log. Kaepernick owes his birth parents nothing. His birth mother and father simply have to accept that.

Not every story has a happy ending. But as long as Colin is happy, that’s all that matters here.

Thank you for this, Sudden Kestrel. A number of posters have from time to time “misspelled” my name. I appreciate you pointing this out, because just because someone has a different opinion doesn’t mean their Dope name is up for mangling. The only “nickname” sanctioned by me is SFP, which should save anyone the tedious typing of my full moniker.

I’m adopted and want to find my bio parents, but I’d be offended if someone told me I SHOULD want to.

I NEVER said trailer trash. I said, “maybe she needs new tires for her car… Or her trailer”. I said this as a joke, as I have no knowledge of his birth mother’s financial situation.

So, are we clear? I’ve apologized now three times about a remark I made off the cuff, based on a article I read within the last week or so about this situation. And it wasn’t Reilley’s article. If I find it, I will be happy to link to it, so everyone can read the thing.

To repeat, I NEVER used the term TRAILER TRASH. Please stop saying that I did. I certainly implied his mothers motives may not be exactly pure. So, I’ll take the hit on that.

You could be right. But here’s my take on it. It seems she has put it out there in the media that she wants to reconnect with him. If the birth other agrees that it is Colin’s choice, I don’t think telling a reporter hungry for a story that she wants to connect with him is the right way to go about it.

If she hadn’t tried to meet him earlier, perhaps there are valid reasons. But IMO, I would think that her regret and desire to see him again would be based on a decision she made when she was younger, not becaus he is a starting QB in the SB.

I will say this in defense of Colin’s birth mom. She may have been wrongly painted by a reporter who was trying to drum up a story during the SB hype. She may not want this whole thing in Rick Reilley’s column anymore than Colin does. I simply don’t know, and I regret making any insinuations as to what hr motive may be,

Stink fish pot. , you presumed to know that since I’m adopted I must feel abandoned and that accounts for why I feel birthmoms remember their babies. I thought you said nobody really knows how an adopted child like lapner feels…?.. the reason I feel the vast majority of birthmoms rember their babies is the fact if your a mom or dad you don’t forget your child…you don’t seem to understand how women bond with the child they carry. You also don’t seem aware that some women who gave a baby for adoption didn’t necessarily do it out of their free will. If the girl is young this is more of a possibility. A 15 year old being told she MUST sign the papers isn’t the same as a forty year old who comes to that decision as astute adult

If SFP shouldn’t presume to know how you feel, then neither should you about all birthmoms. And no, not all women “bond with the child they carry”. Yes, some are presured into it. But some aren’t. And face it – some women just do not give a shit. You’ve heard of dead beat dads? Dead beat moms exist as well.

Just because someone can pop out a kid doesn’t mean they care. Believe it or not, SOME DON’T. If that were the case, then child abuse would not exist.

in fairness to me, I never said “all” birthmoms…i said the majority of them do have feelings for their child, its not like they are giving up a used car. Im aware there are a smaller number of moms who for whatever reSons dont seem to bond. But by and large the majority of women do not come to that deciskon easily and will always remember their child. Many go thru a grief process that can be protracted and have an affect on every area of their lives, relationships and somtimes ability to bond with future children. Notice I did not say all moms do, but manu. To imply its not painful or complex decision is somewhat naive

Just wanted to share a bit of irony…i very rarely hear this song on the radio, maybe last time I heard it was a couple years ago. It doesnt seem to be a song that comes on much nowdays, but as I was driving the song by Madonna happened to come on, “papa,dont preach,im in double deep,papa dont preach, Ive been losing sleep”…i think this song is from the 80s or 90s, about a young woman wrestling with whether she should keep her soon to be born baby.

As an adoptee that’s a real pet peeve of mine. His adopted mother is his real mother. Call this person he is resisting contact with his birth mother, his biological mother, but not his real mother. I mostly agree with your sentiments in your posts, though, just wanted to get that out of my system.

You are correct. I believe in most, if not all of my subsequent posts I refer to her as the birth mother. His real mother is married to his real father, Mr. Kaepernick. My apologies for offending you and anyone else out there. Your feelings are spot on with mine.

Did you read my post? I said I don’t know how you feel, and it’s none of my business. I gathered that supposition from your posts, nothing more. I have no idea how you feel or what your motives are for providing the answers you have provided. I think, though, to be fair, you have said things that could (not necessarily would) lead someone to that conclusion. Unless you want to tell us, it is none of our business.

Do you have a cite for this claim? What percentage are we talking about? You make it sound like a very small number of mothers don’t dwell on their children given up for adoption, but where are you getting this from? If this is just information you have garnered for a few websites catering to birth mothers who regret, I’m afraid that’s not going to cut it. You need to provide a valid cite that shows only a small number of moms don’t bond with their child.

And again,
Let me state this one more time… I have no sympathy for the birth mother. My sympathies go to the adopted child. And I will never change my position. The birth mother had a choice… In fact, she had a number of choices, going all the way back to choosing whether or not to have sex (presumably unprotected) with a man who couldn’t or wouldn’t or didn’t want to face the responsibility of raising a child. A child the mother was a part of creating. (I’m not going to put in every possible caveat, like rape or incest cases… I hope we can all be on the same page here in discussing the average case).

In any event, regardless if it was in the best interest of the baby or not to be put up for adoption. Regardless of whether or not that baby had a better life with the adoptive parents, it doesn’t matter. The child had absolutely no say in what happened to it. So the birth parents have to accept that if the child doesn’t want to reach out to them, meet them, or interact in any way, that’s the way it goes. It is the child who gets to make that call, and no one else. I don’t have to know the birth parents motivations, and I don’t have to know the child’s motivations. In this case, the child has the power to decide who he or she lets into their life. If that is painful for the birth mother, she needs to understand why it has to be the way it is. Why should a child put up for adoption be forced to meet someone that chose to forfeit the right to raise the child in the first place? I just don’t understand where Reilly, or anyone else gets off in suggesting what someone else should do in this case.

Very well said. I’m a birthmother, and that’s exactly the way I see it. When I surrendered my child I did what I could (which wasn’t much back in those days) to make it possible for her to find me if she ever wanted to, and I left it at that. She hadn’t had a voice in the decision that would have an overwhelming impact on her life, but she damned sure was going to have a choice about whether to search for me. I would never have searched for her myself—but then I’m one of those oh-so-rare birthmothers who didn’t spend the years subsequent to the adoption prostrated by grief ;).

I don’t understand why thinking the adopted mother has no rights to force contact (which I agree with) is connected with having no sympathy for her. Birth parents are in a terrible position. They make a choice they have good reason to believe is in the best interest of a child. They willingly take on the pain and grief associated with that choice because they put their child’s happiness and well-being above their own. Why can you not sympathize with that pain while still holding that that doesn’t give them the right to force contact?