Ridiculous add-ones pushed by car dealers

Antenna wax
Piston reciprocators
Tire air freshener
Clear pinstriping

Is there a market for floormat covers?

Even some real ones! The dealer expected me to pay for this because the police could identify parts coming out of chop shops. I explained that if my car was stolen and cut up for parts, it was now the insurance company’s problem and not mine.


I think we would be remiss to not include this scene from Fargo.

Wally Kogen: Hey you got off easy. I just came here to use the phone and they got me for the whole Road King package. Allignment Shock, Armorol, Stem Lube…
Homer: Hehe, Stem Lube, even I didn’t fall for that!.. Although Winter is coming…

Muffler bearings, blinker fluid

Sun shade lightener.
Pinion straighteners.

Filter filters
breaker fuses
Cleaner cleaners

Wins the thread

Actually, modern turn signals don’t use blinker fluid. They run on alternating current.

I had found a used car that I wanted at a dealership (same make as the used car), I agreed on the price with the salesperson, and then I went into The Room with (I presume) the sales manager. He started going over the whole list of stuff I could have done to the car before I drove it off the lot. I was very patient, and then I said no thanks, I don’t want any of that. He kind of sighed, and said “Not even this little bit here? Everyone gets that.” No thanks. I don’t remember what any of it was, some of it might have been actually useful. My strongest motivation was a) disbelief and b) disgust that this sort of nonsense was still going on, and c) resentment that this guy thought I was that gullible. Gull-a-bull. I try not to be.

Winter air for tires.

And now that I see it, Happy Birthday! @burpo_the_wonder_mutt .
You look the same as the day I first saw your avatar!

The first time Ms. Napier and I bought a new car together, the salesperson stepped out of the room for a minute, and I said to her, “Hey, watch this, watch what happens.”

And then, when he returned, I asked about undercoating.

You see, I think I’m funny, but I’m actually not.

You’d have thought I showed a French fry to a seagull. Once I had brought it up, there was no way in hell he was going to let it go. I bet it took over a half an hour extra to wrap up the deal, and he had this look of baffled disappointment.

Just to make matters worse, in all innocence Ms. Napier kept saying things like “Wait, honey, this sounds like something we should consider…”

Why, thank y’kindly, mordecai. You come on 'round and we’ll set a spell on the front porch, give our rheumatiz a break, and have a pull on the jug.

Interior glove box release safety feature

I would have suggested a remote control for the radio, but that’s actually a thing.

Perhaps a secondary remote control for controlling the primary one?

Nitrogen tire fill.

Undercoating/underbody rust treatment.

This thread is awesome. It’s like a ‘hide-and-seek’ to find the real ones from the obvious made-up crazy shit.

Nitrogen in tires. C’mon! At least make is sound real.

Yeah, that might have some tiny value.

I wuz gonna wish you a HBD too, but didn’t want to em-bare-ass either of us. But I didn’t know a jug would be involved.

True story: I did have an encounter with genuine Moonshine. It didn’t turn out well.