I met a guy today who works at a major clothing retailer. His title? Customer Experience Coordinator.
He’s a sales clerk. Sheesh. Gimme a break.
Oh, man. I once saw a job ad for an “educator” and clicked on it - it was a shoe store looking for sales staff. Really? Educator? I wrote them a very angry email.
On the present series of BBC’s The Apprentice there’s a “Drinks Distribution Entrepreneur”. You just know he worked on his dad’s transit van during the summer holidays delivering milk.
Looks like he got fired on last night’s episode:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00pj01n/candidates/duane-bryan
The guy who directed the team at Microsoft that built NT back in the 90s (it eventually became Win-NT and all later versions) got business cards that gave his title as “Supreme Commander”. In general MS allowed you to choose the title on your cards–within reason. But this was not within reason and he had to go to a private printer to get these cards. My DIL was an administrative assistant at the time and arranged this. At the same time, my son was on the NT development team.
My coworker had clever tongue-in-cheek ones, but I can’t remember them exactly. Burger-flipper was ground bovine rotation engineer, I believe.
Well, there’s this guy:
(Only need to listen to the first ~25 seconds.)
(You can also then skip to 1:27 for a few more seconds.)
Helps if I give the link…:smack:
A guy came into my office to sell me his services. He is a Senior Cash Flow Consultant for a Profit Recovery firm.
(I told him I already had a collections agency).
I have quite a few clients that are Curbside Pharmaceutical Respresentatives.
Chief of the Bureau of Federal Regional Development and Planning for Underdeveloped Suburban Areas, Mines, Parks, and Indians?
If I have the Facts Of Life stuck in my head for the next three days I’m coming after you.
“Member Combined Chiefs of Staff for Coordination of Supreme Allied Head Quarters South East Asia and Central Pacific”
You’d be surprised how many people wear the wrong size shoes (usually too small) or shoes that aren’t the right shape for their feet. You might be surprised to find out the vast majority of adults I’ve met don’t know how to tie a proper knot. Heck, I was surprised. Many of our customers don’t have the first clue on how to pick out specialty outdoor gear, including boots.
I am a “sales specialist” for a major outdoor recreation retailer with training in apparel, footwear, and cycling. I think specialist is a good word for it because our customers widely report that they shop at our store on account of the extensive knowledge of the sales staff. Education is a huge part of my job.
Not every shoe store is your average PayLess. But if it was, then yeah, it’s stupid.
Rheinmaindonaudampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän
Captain of the Rhein-Main-Danube steamship company
- This is one of those “longest German words” that people invent.
Stick in “Uber” or “Grosse” in there somewhere, and it’s longer still!
I wanted to add “haupt” to make “hauptkapitän,” but wasn’t confident of my limited knowledge of Deutsch.
Many years ago, when I was working my way through school, I was a janitor in a neighbourhood church. Since I was the only janitor at that church, I styled myself, “Manager of Custodial Services.”
In addition to making sure the church was clean for Sunday services, I also unclogged toilets, cleaned up after the AA meeting (lots of spilled coffee and overflowing ashtrays), and mopped up the vomit from the Cubs and Scouts’ Hallowe’en Candy Party. But I had a cool managerial title!
Remember Ed Norton from the Honeymooners? Worked in the sewers? He referred to himself as a “Subterranean Sanitation Engineer.” 
Oh goody, another chance to post my most fave evar Onion headline: “Sub-orbital Ballistic Propulsion Engineer Not Exactly a Rocket Scientist”.
Mark Zukerberg’s business card - I’m CEO, Bitch.