I know all the truisms that you can do what you like whenever you like. They are all true. I feel more productive and happy right now without a relationship. I’ve really worked hard the last four months and I think my biggest accomplishment is learning how to handle myself when I feel lonely. I still like most people, have a desire to be social. This however doesn’t mean I need a relationship. I do miss having sex which I think is hard to replace as a soloist. But really, right now, I don’t even see what a relationship has to offer other than lots of compromising. Maybe I’ve learned that I’m a happier guy when in complete control of my own ship.
I learned over the holidays that by the end of 2013, I will be the last unmarried person in my generation in my immediate and extended family (that phrasing sounds awkward to me, but I can’t think of another way).
Here’s the thing: I don’t really care. I’m not sure I’m made for relationships - I’m more comfortable by myself much of the time. What I would like is the companionship of having someone to hang out with, along with regular sex. But I don’t want to live with someone - I’ve been living alone most of the time since 1996, and I’m not sure I’d adjust well to living with someone. I’m pretty set in my ways.
I have been living alone for about 12 years now and love it. I don’t get lonely, in fact I love being home alone. It’s great to come home and settle in, usually no TV on, just peaceful quiet. Sometimes I just sit and listen to the little noises in the neighborhood. I get to do everything at my own pace and timing.
I have a very dear friend that visits every few weeks for outings, sex and eating together. Her visits are great but if we spend a few days together I sometimes start to get a bit antsy. Luckily she has older kids at home and lives a couple of hours away.
I seriously think that, if I had been more thoughtful before I started living with and marrying women, I would have realised that I wasn’t really cut out for the domestic family life. As a member of a relationship I was far less me, and I feel that I wasted far too much energy investing in the relationship - smoothing over troubles, trying to do the right thing and forgoing chances. I don’t blame my partners, I just have the feeling that I never thought about what was really involved in a relationship, that I “got serious” with women because all my mates were doing it.
Old dude checking in.
Personal observations over the years; take with grain of salt:
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To not look for a romantic partnership is often the key to finding exactly the relationship you want - love very often finds those who are not even looking to find it. People can sense when someone is desperate to get into a relationship and often keep a distance - but once you stop looking so hard to find someone, you become more interesting to others.
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Living alone is often the perfect remedy for what has been the problem - learning to get to know and love yourself first. If you don’t love yourself, how could you expect others to love you? And should someone actually take an interest in you when you are not yet ready, you will be suspect of their intentions and will (consciously or unconsciously) ruin any chance that relationship will work.
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There is a danger to living alone too long. You become so set in your ways that it becomes almost impossible for anyone to enter your realm of existence. If you do want to have a relationship, you do need to “get out there” every once in awhile. However…
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with living alone and simply having friends, or friends with benefits.
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Every bit of advice I, and others, give you is both useful and useless.
I’ve lived alone most of my life and was pretty happy with it. I’ve has SOs but they had their place and I had mine and they’d spend a few days with me or I’d spend a few days with them and everything was fine.
The last few years I’ve gotten to where I want something more, but even then when I think about it I’m kind of glad my SO and I don’t live together. I’d like for us to have more time together but whenever I envision us living together I still see myself wanting my own space. I simply cannot stand having someone around me all the time, it makes me crazy.
I don’t and never have understood people who always have to be in a relationship. My mother is a raging bitch when she doesn’t have a SO, she feels like she has no life unless there is a man in it. After my father died she wouldn’t even go out with the girls anymore, because she wasn’t married anymore and people might think she was a lesbian if she hung around with women. The very same women if was okay to be seen with when she was married, but now it’s different. My sister is the same way, she’s cheated on every man she has ever been with because she has to have someone waiting in the wings before she can leave a relationship.
I both feel sorry for them and am disgusted by them.
I get so pissed at the people in my family who sit and speculate that those of us who are not in relationships are gay. Or my asshole bil who tells me I need a shrink because there is something wrong with me because I’m not married.
If I was married to someone like him one of us would be dead by now.
I think there’s something wrong with people who can’t be alone. I’m not saying there is something wrong with not wanting to be alone, but I think there is something seriously wrong when you think you have to be in a relationship in order to have a life.
I always tell people, an SO should enhance your life, not make your life.
I’ve never been in a relationship, but most of the time I don’t mind.
I’m in agreement with sahirrnee - I think even if I was in a relationship, I’d still need my own space.
I’ve got a working theory that even people who are in good relationships are no more or less happy than I am being single. This is especially true for couples that have been together for a long time.
Looong enough to know about all your high school antics, about your past relationships, or that one time in college. Basically, you’ve run out of stories to tell each other because you’ve already heard them a hundred times before.
A prefect example of what I’m talking about:
I’ve know a couple that lives down the street from me. I often go over there with six pack in hand to hang out with my friends.
The other day I’m over there, the stereo is playing in the background, the conversation is flowing and we were all having a really good time.
I was getting late so I announced to them I was going to head on home:
Them: Really? You sure? I got more beer in the fridge.
Me: Nah, I going to head on home, I’m tired.
As soon as I did this, you could just feel the energy being sucked out of the room. Before I even made it out the front door, the stereo had been turned off and the guy was flipping through the news channels on the TV.
So that party went from fun to boring all because little ol’ me was leaving and they were going to be stuck with each other.
So yeah, being in a relationship may offer some special moments from time to time that a single person doesn’t get. But those times are few and far in between and I’m not sure those special times themselves merritt being in a relationship. At least not for me.
I’ve often said, it’s neither an accident nor a mistake that I live alone.
I have been single for 5 years. I like living alone but wouldn’t mind having a man in my life for hiking, dinner and companionship. I have no desire to have somone move in. I live in a small town on a small island. It makes meeting people difficult.
I guess it’s philosophical for me more than anything else. Given a choice, between the following alternatives, I’d rank them as follows:
- More or less ideal relationship, chemistry/compatibility on many interests/fun factor/etc.
[Small gap]
- By myself, living life the way I am now-the joy, wonder, etc.
[Medium gap]
- “Okay” relationship, solid but not spectacular, partial compatibility on some things
[Big gap]
- Dysfunctional relationship-can’t even imagine myself in one at this point, TBH.
I’m simply not interested unless it’s something truly special. If someone doesn’t want to share my adventures in the wilds with me, doesn’t share my ideals, doesn’t “ping” most of my buttons, doesn’t care about personal growth, I’m not sure what the point would be.