People seem to think that you have to be married to be happy, but relationships are so complicated and many people have such baggage left over from poor upbringing, isn’t it possible that some should remain alone?
I’ve been thinking lately that I should probably be (stay) alone. I’m perfectly happy being alone- in fact, I could easily go 23 hours a day without seeing anyone at all. The older I get, the better I feel about being alone, too. Of course, there are times when I don’t want to be alone, if you know what I mean, but I haven’t figured out a solution for that yet. But ultimately, yes, I do feel that marriage or any kind of coupledom is not necessary to have a happy, fulfilling life. In fact, I’m having one right now, all by myself. (For the most part.)
I don’t think anyone is “meant” to be alone, but I’m sure some people are quite happy to be alone. It probably requires that you either have a pretty good social life with lots of good friends and stuff, or that you are an extreme loner.
What probably is NOT a good idea though, is to be alone because you are afraid of the fact that relationships can be difficult, and can lead to pain when they end.
It looks like I’m going to grow old alone. I’m 42 and I’m now used to my own company.
I’m not sure if anyone is meant to be alone (at least not anymore than they’re ‘meant’ to be with one other person, or ‘meant’ to have kids), but knowing how to be alone is an undervalued skill. I know it’s cliché, but you can’t love someone else without loving yourself. If you spend your life looking for someone to be your better half you’ll never hold up your end. To me, love is when you find someone who completes you when you didn’t even know you needed completing.
Oh lordy, what did I eat for breakfast this morning? Ecstasy?
But it could be not so much ‘afraid’, but of the mindset that it’s just not worth it. That’s okay, then, right?
When I was 28, I was certain I was meant to be alone. For exactly the reasons you have stated, too. I was returning to my homeland after a long stint of traveling, certain of two things, I wanted to see a lot more of the world and I’d never partner.
I was pretty certain getting involved with some boy would end in disaster and screw up my plans to see the world. I was actively avoiding any entanglements for this reason.
I dallied with this one fellow who was a bit of a player, older than me and exhibiting no signs of wanting anything more than a little fun. The fun was awesome, but I was trying my level best to keep him at arms length. His response, to this, was to try double hard to get under my skin. It was a very odd relationship, to say the least.
It’s been 25 yrs since then, we’re still together. We wandered all over the globe together, never married, finally bought a little house. Still hoping to retire to the open road one day. We’ve shared some truly awesome places and experiences, I wouldn’t have traded any of it.
I guess I’m just saying, don’t ever say never, you can never predict what life holds in store for you!
And it’s true, what they say, “It’s never the things you worry about!”
You’re meant to be what you’re meant to be. Some people work better as a solo. I agree that if you don’t think you can attract someone but secretly want to couple up, then you need to work on that. I also think that if you want to be alone but get married because you’re “supposed to”, you’re going to cause yourself and a lot of other people a lot of pain.
I think I’m better on my own. Sometimes it worries me, but for the most part, I’m pretty happy in my daily life. I just moved to a new city on my own, with no local support network, but it’s okay. I lead a peaceful, quiet life.
That being said - I worry that being alone develops its own momentum, that somehow after being on your own for so long, you get used to doing things exactly the way you want and lose tolerance for adjusting to others. I’ve had people say to me “you seem like you should be married” and sometimes that bothers me and makes me second guess. It doesn’t help that I’m in an extremely family-centered profession. Just about all of my peers are married, married with children or in a long-term relationship/engaged. It sometimes makes me wonder what is wrong with me, especially since I adore and get along well with children.
This was me until 7 years ago. Never say “never,” dude. The perfect person could be right around the corner, and you might meet them in the strangest place.
Thank you, eeyore, for introducing me to my wife. We owe you.
“Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.” -Samuel Johnson
Sure, relationships are complicated. Many of the most ultimately satisfying and fulfilling things in life are. I do think there are people who are happiest and at their best when they’re single, and that it’s better to be single than to be in a really bad relationship. But for the majority of people, being in relationships (marital and otherwise) with other people is a key part of a complete, meaningful, fully human life. And part of the reason for that is that they help you to learn, to develop your character, to “lose your baggage,” to smooth the rough edges of your personality, and to become a better person.
Being married and being alone are not the only alternatives. You could join a commune or convent or monastery. You could live with relatives or roommates. You could live by yourself but have many friends and/or a non-live-in relationship.
I don’t think anyone is “meant to be” anything, so the question is meaningless.
I think that it’s entirely possible to be happy alone, but nothing in life is permanent, and it’s always possible that a relationship may develop unexpectedly.
However, saying “I was meant to be alone” when one is not happy alone might just be an excuse for avoiding working on the reasons why one is not happy and not successful in relationships.
I won’t give my opinion on the subject because some others here have said it well enough for me. I am curious though, and forgive me if I"m being snoopy, but why do you ask silvermist?
I think the OP asks two distinct questions, whether intentionally or not. There’s the ‘meant to be’ part and the ‘should be’ part.
I agree with what’s already been said about ‘meant to be’. Unless you want to invoke notions of Fate and predestination, it’s a meaningless conjecture.
‘Should be’ is also quite a slippery term. ‘Should’ usually pertains to moral judgment, and I don’t think this is a moral question.
I’m single and I always will be. It’s not a problem for me, and it’s not a problem for anyone else. It’s what happens to work best for me, given that I live a slightly unusual life. Generally speaking, I tend to see the positive in everything. Relationships are great, and I’ve have been lucky enough to be in some wonderful, happy and very fulfilling relationships. But I think being single is great too. The way I see it, there are good things to be said about either choice.
So to answer the OP, I’d say it’s the right choice for some people, and not for others. Bland, but true.