An imminent danger is upon us. The Righty Intelligence Agency reports that the genetically inferior left-handed subversives have started to revolt. Not that they weren’t revolting enough already.
Secure your positions at once! Check every corner of your homes & offices for signs of infiltration. Already a truckload of left-handed spiral notebooks has been seized leaving St. Petersburg & the contents burned.
Thanks to some very dedicated ambidextrous spies, we already have a long list of things that piss off left handed people. Many of the lefties themsleves unknowingly revealed top secret data during this undercover operation. Also, a number of points of vulnerability have been learned.
Fortunately, we outnumber the subversives by as much as ten-to-one. All my generals must begin conditioning programs to weed out possible spies among the ranks. Stay vigilant and we will not be overtaken!
In my valaint efforts to be vigilant while avoiding the takeover and subsequent destruction of this world by Lefties…I read that sentence as “All my genitals must begin…”
Hey, I can easily pass as a spy for our side to infiltrate the Lefty ranks, for you see, I wear my watch on my right wrist, fooling even the most scrutinizing of eyes.
Alright guys I need to know where you want me. I could join up with Bouv since being right handed and having lefty parents (both), husband and two children has given me some lefty throwbacks.
Such as the watch thing and the way I cut my food at dinner.
Our advantage lies not only in numbers. Their primitive writing system is slow, awkward, and near-illegible, rendering all of their covert messages useless.
We will be able to sneak in and overtake them by the time they’ve managed to scrawl out “The Plans are in the…”
Shall I whip out the black leather catsuit I used in the “Society of Villains” thread from a while back? Could probably do a little more seducin’ and spyin’ with it.
I don’t think we should panic all that much. Do they make left-handed guns? I think not. They will come at us with left-handed hockey sticks,left-handed rocks and we will mow them all down BWA-HA-HA-HA
Yeah, the gun thing is confusing me. I’m right handed in everything but shooting rifles… It’s an eye dominance thing actually. It really feels awkward! Honest!
Distressing news: Lefties have discovered time travel. As evidenced in this thread, lefties have been posting to these message boards from as far away as four days into the future.
In light of this news, I hereby release all emergency funds to the Depearment of Rightness in the hopes of perfecting the Hydrogen Peroxide Bomb. When perfected, all righties must don their rain gear at the prescribed time to avoid being fatally bleached.
Both of my supervisors are lefties, as is my current office mate. I sense that there may be a conspiracy, as the ratio of lefties currently working in my building is higher than the general average. I also suspect that some of my co-workers may be faking right-handedness, as they always avoid signing anything in front of me. I have one trusted friend who is a definite righty. My other right-handed ally recently had a sudden urge to move out of the state.
I fear that I may be in danger. I need a plan of action ASAP.
[sub]I don’t think they know that I’m on to them. Just in case, if I seem to “disappear” after leaving for work Monday, I will have Mr. Jeannie contact you. He is registered here under the screen name “Omega Red.” [/sub]
