I went to hubby’s school musical Saturday. Being a good audience member, I turned my cell phone ringer off.
At intermission, I checked my phone and was stunned to see I had three missed calls from DeathLlama’s parents (at 5:57, 6:08, and 6:09pm). This alarmed me–are they okay?? They never call my cell. EVER. So I checked the home voicemail and sure enough, they had called and left a message, but they just said they were checking to see how we were doing. (Coming home and checking our “missed calls” thingy, apparently they called here twice, at 5:52 and 5:55pm) So…five calls in about 10 minutes. I was worried–did someone die?? Was there some family emergency??
I brought this up to DeathLlama, and he called them during intermission. Apparently what happened is someone called their house and hung up after one ring. OH NO, they thing, IS THAT DEATHLLAMA CALLING TO SAY RUFFIAN IS IN LABOR? (…um…wouldn’t we call back?) And so begins the frantic phone calls to all of our numbers. (Later I discovered they’d called DL’s cell–3 times in about 5 minutes. So–they called us about 8 times in 10 minutes. EIGHT. FREAKING. TIMES.
Seriously, that bugs me. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but we WILL tell them. No, really. sigh This is where I want to do the whole, “What, we didn’t tell you? He was born last Thursday…”
My mother called me yesterday asking, “Sooooooo, how are you feeling?” with a few extra question marks in her voice. sigh I started chuckling and said, “I’M NOT IN LABOR!” My mom: “No, I wasn’t asking that, and won’t ask that…” Me, still laughing: “No, you’ll just call me and ask, ‘Sooooooo, how are you feeling?’ and see if I say, ‘I’m in labor!’” MY mom giggled, but seriously. Seriously. Seriously. Is this what I have to look forward to?
Both sets of parents are insisting “CALL US WHEN YOU GO INTO LABOR!” …and then later, both sets admit that with the birth of ALL of their children, they didn’t call their parents until AFTER the baby was born. Ummmmm…?? So why shouldn it be odd (or unpermitted) for us to do the same thing? I don’t know that I want family drama when I dealing with my OWN drama. I’d rather call afterwards, I think…LIKE THEY DID.
I’d call them, and find a way so that both sets can be called at the same time if possible, he on his cell, you on yours. This will take away some guilt ammunition later on. I think it will be better for your peace mind in the long run if you do, in other words. (Just talk to your doctor and let him know if you don’t want anyone but your husband, or labor coach in the room with you, so they can let the nurses know to keep visitors out so you get some peace.)
My parents lived on the other side of the country when Mom was pregnant with my brother, so they actually only called and told their parents that he existed at all after he was born.
My MIL just couldn’t wait. On child #1, we called both parents when we knew we were going to the hospital. Kiminy’s mother calls in the middle of a contraction (we had been told the phones wouldn’t accept outside calls - ooops), and bless her heart, she was pretty short with her: “Mom, I promise, we’ll call you after the baby’s born, but right now I’m having a hard contraction. Goodbye.” I went out to the nurses station to make sure the phone was blocked.
And see Vlad, that’s exactly why I want to call AFTER baby is born.
The ILs live a good 7-8 hours north, so it’s not like knowing I’m in labor means they can hop in the car and drive over to the hospital–but they ARE very likely to call every 5 minutes to see if baby is born yet.
My folks, meanwhile, are an hour-ish away and are planning on coming out. But again I’m leaning toward calling after baby makes his appearance. The people I’m calling before are all varieties of sitters–people caring for the animals, getting mail, etc.
Zabali…I can’t imagine the guilt would be very effective or “stick” simply because BOTH sets of parents DID NOT call when the mothers went into labor…they called after baby was born. I mentioned the ironic (or perhaps just hypocritical) demand my mom was making about calling when I was in labor to her yesterday; she eventually acquiesced and said we should do whatever’s best for us. She wants us to do what we want, she genuinely does, but she just reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally wants it to be what SHE wants, too.
And for the record, no signs of labor today. So there.
I didn’t say it was rational/non-hypocritical of them to guilt trip you for not calling. Think a moment, did either set of soon-to-be grandparents mention the flack they took for not calling when the woman went into labor? I’m betting they did, and that you will experience the same thing if you do what they did. Also, did you give your word to call when you went into labor? (If so, IMO you should keep it.) You can always unplug the phone for a time, or have the hospital block calls as another poster mentioned, and the nurses won’t let in visitors if they know ahead of time.
Ugh. I am SO not looking forward to this kind of crap!! (I’m 36 weeks today.) There are people we plan on calling when I go to the hospital so that they can come to the hospital if they’d like, but most folks are just going to get the call later. Thankfully, all of the grandparents live in town and are within 30 minutes of the hospital, so they’re not likely to miss much.
I haven’t even told anyone (except my husband and my OB) that I’ve had a few BH contractions. I don’t want to send them into an unnecessary tizzy! I know that after my next appointment (Thursday), everyone’s going to be asking if I’m dilated or effaced. Well guess what - I’m not going to have my OB check! (Well, unless curiosity gets the better of me. I mean, he’s going to be down there to do a group B strep test anyway, so why not just take a peek, right???) There’s really no point, because unless I happen to be dilated to 5 cm already, it’s not like there’s anything I can do.
Zabali, I never promised anyone that I’d call when I was in labor, at least, I’m pretty darn sure I didn’t. I have said “I’ll let you know!” but that wasn’t about labor–that was about the baby arriving, at least in my mind. I promise I’m not going to call and mention casually baby was born six weeks ago or something.
Avarie, wow, you are right behind me! I’m 36 weeks 5 days. So you’re due…tax day? April 15? Meanwhile, I’ve had the BH contractions nearly constantly–especially when I’m walking–for the last few weeks. They started months ago, but they were very sporadic. Now they’re just a daily part of life.
The wicked things that woke me up at 4:00am yesterday though…yeeesh, those were very, very different…
OK, here’s some totally unsolicited advice from a mother of two:
Get a postpartum doula. She will handle telephone calls, visiting hours, assorted casseroles and keeping well-meaning friends and family from overwhelming you. Your entire priority and focus will be on the baby, and perhaps a shower if you feel up to it.
Not comfortable with a stranger in your house? Then set up a free webpage and set the outgoing message on your machine to tell well-wishers to check babyruffian.com for updates and leave a message if it’s anything else. Turn off the ringers. Then check messages on your schedule. Use the website for announcements, pictures and a guestbook of well-wishes. In a month, print out the pages and you’ll have your first scrapbook entries!
Tell the grandparents the doctors told you to limit the baby’s exposure to other people’s germs for the first week. They should check the website for pictures and visit the second week. Keep a notepad next to your nursing chair, and write down things that need to be done. While they’re visiting, don’t hesitate to ask them to run a load of laundry or check the phone messages and delete all the telemarketers or wash a load of dishes. When they say they want to help, they really mean it. Let them help you!
Take care of yourself and take care of that baby. Everyone else can get over their drama queen tendancies and they’ll forgive you before her/his first birthday!
Ruffian, perhaps you are my long lost sister…we obviously share the same mother. Mine is on the east coast, I’m on the west…so 3 hours behind, time zone wise.
She has called me at 8am to tell me that the Target in Florida (where she is) was having a sale on baby stuff. Like I was going to haul my belly out of bed and rush down to the Target here (3000 miles away) to see if they had the same deal? Um, Target doesn’t open till 9 here anyway…
If I tell her I have a Dr’s appt at 4pm, she starts calling at 4:30pm wondering why I’m not answering the phone. “ARE YOU THERE? Why aren’t you answering the phone? (starts talking to other people in the room–She’s not answering. What is her cell number? Call her on that line.) So you’re not home yet? OK. (sighs like she is about to cry) Well call me when you get in…if you can make the time” Then the cell rings, emails arrive, and then she breathes a huge sigh of relief when I call her back at 5pm when I get home. Then complains I didn’t pick up my cell whilst in the stirrups. Now I’ve learned to tell her the appt is an hour later in case I want to stop for dinner on the way home, or something irresponsible like that.
In our hospital, you can use the phone, internet, VOIP etc…but THEY WON’T KNOW THAT! I will call them when I am on my way (I have to go early since I am GBS+) and MAYBE call them if I am bored and want to talk to them…other than that the nurses station will block my calls and visitors and my best gal-pal will be onhand to act as the news-spreader and super mommy protection guard.
I am amazed at the amount of pressure-laden questions that people ask–Do you feel him yet? Are you gaining enough weight? Is the room done? Man. Back off. And bring me cookies.
I think it will be better for your peace mind in the long run if you do, in other words. (Just talk to your doctor and let him know if you don’t want anyone but your husband, or labor coach in the room with you, so they can let the nurses know to keep visitors out so you get some peace.)