So in SC, USA, we have infomercials on the radio ALL THE TIME. They’re usually for, um, “male enhancement,” weight loss, or acne-clearing products, and they all have virtually the same script.
“Millions of people have discovered BLAH as their new cure for (insert weight, sexual, or skin problem). Join them with our free trial of BLAH. Try it today RISK FREE! Don’t miss out!”
They’re usually longer, have more exclamation points, more glowing and statistically implausible miracles associated with BLAH, sometimes have hokey jokes, or the narrator claims to be an actual doctor (I *want *a doctor with a phone-sex voice, by the way!) but one thing that never changes is the “Risk Free” inclusion.
So, it’s either there because it’s been legally established to mean nothing at all, or it’s legally been established to mean something totally different from what the consumer is supposed to think it means.
What we’re supposed to think is pretty obvious - that product BLAH won’t cause your wanker to fall off, your skin to break out in hives, or your intestines to prolapse out of your rectum through use of this product.
I’m pretty damn certain that it means nothing of the sort, but what DOES it mean?
I’d guess that “risk free” is probably meant to imply “money-back guarantee”…though, with those sorts of ads / offers, one has to suspect that it’d be a pain to collect on such a guarantee, at a minimum.
I don’t think its supposed to mean anything. Half of what goes into infomercials is meaningless gibberish that has positive connotations. The line I love most is when products say they work “with diet and exercise.” Well, duh, anything works with diet and exercise because it’s the diet and exercise part that works. “This bedroom set is the perfect weight-loss solution, when combined with diet and exercise!” See? Meaningless gibberish that appears on the surface to mean something.
Anyway, if there is a meaning to the phrase in the OP, it can apply equally well to a money-back guarantee or to a no-cost product. In the one case, it’s “risk free” because you get your money back if it doesn’t work, and in the second it’s “risk free” because you don’t ever pay unless you like it.
If they are offering a money-back guarantee, consider this. I am sure they can return money to a small number of complainants.
However, if the product does not work, you will be one of thousands seeking their money. The company will be bankrupted, insolvent, or whatever they call it in your home town. The proprietors will walk away, expressing sadness, but reassuring us that it was a learning experience for them.
For some reason, I think of Abdul who has a sign outside his house - “Painless Camel Gelder”. A customer brings his camel to be gelded. Abdul goes round the back with two rocks. Clunk! He crushes the camel’s family jewels between the rocks. The camel roars and vanishes over the horizon.
The customer says, “But … but … but your sign says Painless Camel Gelder!!!”
“Yes” says Abdul, “Totally painless if you keep your thumbs out of the way.”
I’m reminded of way back in college in the 1970’s, Screw magazine (real porn then; probably nothing nowadays) offered a full money-back guarantee.
All you had to do to get your money back was send them a notarized statement saying that ‘even after reading Screw, your sexual organ was still too small or too limp to satisfy your partner during sex’, signed by yourself and at least one sexual partner (or ex-partner, more likely), including your full name & address, which you authorized them to print in the next issue. Then they would cheerfully refund the cover price of that issue, they said.
Somehow, I don’t think they had to pay out very much in refunds.
[I also remember that after they lost an obscenity case, their next issue had a full page ad on the back cover saying **“5 out of 7 Judges Agree that Screw is Obscene!!”** with the official picture of the New York Court of Appeals Judges in their robes above it, and quotes from the court decision below: “degrading and filthy”, “appeals to nothing but lust and sexual prurience”. And that decision, and the official court photo were all public domain, so they could use it for advertising without having to pay anything.]
Wait, isn’t that the whole point? It’s RISK FREE!!! because you’re not paying anything for it (except a minor $14.95 shipping and handling fee, which you’ll have to risk. And probably the cost of shipping them back the unused product) … right?
And then the ones who do charge can also say “risk free” because THEY promise to give your money back if the product doesn’t work (again, minus that pesky shipping and handling fee, plus what the post office charges you to send the unused portion back to the company … but after that they’ll refund your credit card, they promise!!! And what kind of “embiggen your d1ck” company would be untrustworthy?)
I believe in many of these cases what they’re actually doing is setting up a subscription system from which it’s very hard to extricate yourself. The free trial is the first 30 days (or whatever time period) and if you don’t call and cancel they start billing you. And I’m quite sure the customer retention specialists are quite crafty and persistent in getting you to keep trying.
Anyone remember AOL dial up service in the old days. It was so hard to get them to cancel your account. It took a good six months for them to quit billing me and a LOT of chargebacks were done to get them to stop.
No, not really. When they state, "Risk free’ without listing s&h as an exception, and since you can’t “try it” without first paying shipping and handling to get it, then they must refund everything including s&h. We’re getting a settlement from a company mentioned on this thread, so I’m right. I’ve learned a lot. They make tons of cash on their bogus s&h charges. If they refund the purchase price, but keep the s&h, they still win, and you’re the loser. There are lawyers who’ll take the cases, as advertisers in these situations have little defense. Do yourself and the public a favor. Make the lying ripoff artists pay.
Yep. My husband fell for this awhile back – some kind of diet supplement. He didn’t tell me he was ordering the stuff. When the package arrived, he finally read the small print and realized he had signed up for monthly deliveries at $99 a pop.
He called immediately and cancelled, and we sent the stuff back, with delivery confirmation. There were a bunch of complaints about the company, most of them saying that if you didn’t do the confirmation, the company would say they didn’t get the stuff and keep sending and billing.
The sales rep was nice enough, but persistent. She wanted to know why he was returning it without trying it. He said his doctor advised him not to use it. She asked for specifics about what the doctor said. “It’s all natural – there’s nothing in it that will hurt you.” Etc. etc. Then he said that $99 a month was too much, and she offered to reduce the price, first to $50 a month, then to $25. It got to the point where I think he could have had the stuff for the cost of shipping.
I am somehow reminded of a slogan I saw on the side of municipal garbage collection trucks in Honolulu some years ago: “Satisfaction guaranteed or double your garbage back.”
I still wonder if there is some legal definition of “risk free” that the companies are hoping will hold up in case of a lawsuit, but my other thought is that perhaps there’s a study showing that those two words spontaneously cause people to trust whoever says them. Seriously, they’re in every single damn ad.
There’s one going on now with some smokey-voiced actress claiming to be a lawyer pushing dick embiggeners, and I am still wondering who’s brilliant idea it was to have a fake lawyer girl pimping your product. Happy wives and smarmy doctors are trop passe apparently.
Risk-free! Means give us your credit card number so we can start the recurring billing. If you want to cancel, maybe we will refund your money if you call enough times and are persistent enough. Maybe.
Have you ever notice in the ‘before’ photo for a weight lost the person is slouch over and pushing their stomach out to look 'fatter and in the ‘after’ photo the person is standing up straight with their stomach held in to look thin?
" Risk Free" is a joke the shipping and handling fee is mostly like what the item cost the company so they made money off you even if you do send the item back .
