How come, if that stuff was found to be fraudulent, is he still on TV with that shit-eating grin, y’all?
And do they still sponsor a NASCAR driver?
Only thing I can figure is they were so successful they were able to buy a shitload of ads, and the contract to run them has to be honored even though the product doesn’t work?
Anybody know?
Thanks
Q
All I can tell is that it’s definately not shit he’s been eating. 
Enzyte, Quasi. And he’s still smiling because his four hours aren’t up yet.
I think that the thrust of the fraud charges were related to the claims of it being a risk-free, “complete satisfaction or your money back” deal, when in reality they said that they would only give you your money back if you had notorized statements documenting your complete inability to satisfy a woman (even with the aid of a great product like Enzyte) signed by your doctor and at least six sexual partners.
As for the effectiveness of the product, they aren’t any more prosecutably fraudulent than the good people at Head On.
Who found what to be fraudulent? Was it an official U.S. agency? And what claims specifically to the word were wrong? The firm could have eliminated those words and have a legal commercial.
You need to give us the absolute exact finding about fraudulency before your question can be answered.
Did they ever find his body? I know they thought he died in a boat accident or something.
According to Wikipedia, it was the FDA, IRS, and Postal Inspection Service which lodged the charges with the US Attorney General.
I just found it odd that if the guy was sentenced to 25 years, that the ads are still running.
Thanks for the correction, jayjay!
Q
Transcript of a performance I gave at a party attended by fellow improv comedians; imagine three other people whistling the theme song and a guy who looks like Bob stumbling around:
This is Bob, the guy from the Enzyte commercials! Everybody asks him the same two questions! Does Enzyte work? Yes. Yes it does! Is it worth getting? No. No it is not!
See his face? He’s not really smiling from the joy of enhanced male size and virility. A dosing accident left him frozen with that creepy facial expression! He’s stuck that way! He can’t change his facial expression without blinding physical pain! He can’t even blink without ejaculating blood into his shorts!
“But mister Narrator,” I hear you say, “Isn’t that a fair trade for having the biggest tallywacker on the block? Wouldn’t it be worth a little inconvenience now and then for a pecker that would put John Holmes to shame?”
Let me tell you a little something about enhanced male size. Have you paid attention to all the Enzyte commercials? Have you noticed that by Commercial Three–the Christmas one–he’s lost his job and his wife? He’s working as a Party Santa for office parties. He’s not allowed near children any more, but never mind that. His old, high-paying job disappeared when he creeped everybody out with that freakish smile of his and his awkward inability to wear pants any tighter than Dockers. Here he is now, working the office party circuit and putting the make on the piss-ugliest assortment of women this side of Cleveland!
But what about his wife? Didn’t she enjoy the confidence and excitement of a husband hung like a swayback burro? Apparently not. An Enzyte enhanced man is a lot likelier than a regular-sized one to poke the back end of a woman’s cervix. As it turns out, this is quite painful, and not in a fun, porn-o-rific kind of way! After about two weeks, she couldn’t take it anymore and split for the Pacific Northwest, experimenting with a very different kind of sexuality.
Are you “Hung like a Hamster?” “Endowed like an Englishman?” “Cocked like a Caucasian?” Count your blessings! Throw out that free sample of Enzyte and get over yourself! Seriously, let it go.
Look, I understand the people who manufactured this shit are the devils but damned if the commercials aren’t fun.
I love the double eentendres and the middle class wife waiting for her stud hubby. At least they didn’t go the trophy wife route. Smilin’ Bob is okay by me.
The previous owners (a mother and son) were convicted of mail fraud and other charges for fraudulently marketing the pill for enlargement of the male member, overbilling customers’ credit cards, and lying about a money-back-guarantee, and the company went into bankruptcy. Someone came along and bought the name, and it’s now back on the air. Whether its business practices are any better now, I don’t know.
I think my favorite is that Santa Claus one. That cute brunette chick with the ridiculous smile on her face as she waits to sit on his lap. She has got to be the best actress in the world to actually appear so excited about what has to be the dumbest premise in the history of advertising without cracking up.
As far as I know, they never did. It was Viagra who sponsored Mark Martin’s car for several years (he always drove hard). FWIW, they don’t anymore.
I don’t think Enzyte was ever in the NASCAR game, unless it was in one of the lower-tier series.
Plus that little antsy dance she does. I laugh out loud every time.
One of the first ones I saw involved a group of Japanese businessmen who said things that were translated as stuff like “He is wood that will not bend”. It seemed to have been taken off the air fairly shortly afterward, though.
Every time I see those commercials I want to cut his pecker off, just to wipe that shit eating grin off his face.
Enzyte sponsored the #50 car in the NASCAR Nationwide series in 2004.
This could be a real “stretch”, but next time you watch the ad listen to the announcer and see what you make of this phrase: “The once daily pill for all natural male enhancement”.
Is he saying “the once upon a time daily pill” or “the pill you take (took) only once a day”?
As I have mentioned before, I am a big fan of language (especially English) and its many nuances, and in a previous thread we talked about this phrase: “We wouldn’t say it, and by law, we couldn’t say it if it weren’t true”, which always seemed kinda “oily” to me.
Same thing with “the once daily pill…”. If it became an issue, could they answer with “Well, we told 'em in the ad that this was the same pill as before!”
I don’t know. Like I said, it’s a stretch, but like all that minute wording running at the bottom of the television screen for a nano-second, I don’t trust those bastards.
Quasi
Heeeyyy, waitaminute. If the enhancement is “all natural”, why do you need to take the pill to get it?
Chuckle. I suspect the intended message is that it contains all-natural ingredients (as compared to Viagra or Levitra, which are miracles of pharmaceutical chemistry ).
Funny stuff! I didn’t even associate the having to work as a Santa because he’d lost his other job!
It’s very evident you deep some “deep thinking” to come up with all of that material.
Sorry I missed it!
Q