River Tam Vs. Jason Voorhees

In this corner, sponsored by Fruity Oaty Bar, River Tam!

in this corner, Jason Voorhees

River seems to have no problem defeating the Reavers in the Serenity movie, so how would she fare against our favorite hockey-masked-homicidal-maniac-zombie-thing? has River met her match, or can she retire ol’ Hockeymask once and for all?

I think as long as she can stay out of range of Jason’s machete, she’s good, she has the speed and agility advantage, but Jason has brute strength, if that machete hits home, she’d be in a world of hurt…

If Freddy couldn’t do the Job, what makes us believe that River can?
Which Jason are we talking about, because Pretty much at the end of the Series (FvJ), he’s pretty much damn near immortal. So River may be able to dodge and get away from Jason all she wants, but actually KILLING him? Unlikely. She may be able to incapacitate, and defeat him in a battle, but the WAR? I think Jason would eventually find her. That or River would be about ready to die of Old Age, and that’s when a fresh and decomposing Jason would show up to finish the job.

But as soon as River defeated him, Mal would have Jayne dismember him with a chainsaw, and then he’d go bury the body on six differant moons.

The problem with horror movie characters is that they never finish the job. Mal Reynolds is not a horror movie character.

River Tam? The “I can kill you with my brain” chick? And you’re questioning the outcome?

It’s already been done.

It was a draw.

“Ahh! He just won’t die no matter how many bullets we fire into him or how many cliffs he falls off of!”

Mal: Chop 'em up. Can’t kill someone with a machete if you don’t have arms.

-Joe

But we’ve been through this already, haven’t we? A computer malfunctions, puts him back together, and makes him even more powerful. (Cite: Jason X) There’s no way around it. Jason kills everything Joss Whedon has ever created, especially Buffy.

Buffy’s ass-whomping of Adam proves she’s the only Whedonverse character that can go stake-to-machete with the big guy.

That wasn’t Buffy. That was the Uber-Buffy, the Fusion of all of the Scoobies.

Besides, in the Whedonverse Willow would just turn Jason into an apple and let Dawn eat him. But in a straight-up fight, River would wipe the floor with him.

“What? Just cause I’m half-horse I like apples? What’s next, sugar cubes and alfalfa?” grump