Jeez, this is what I pictured: I walk out to my back yard and see a baseball laying there. I pick up the baseball and toss it into the neighboring yard. Done, finished, finito, terminado. Even if this happens every day, no big deal. Of course if this happens forty times a day, or it’s a basketball instead of a baseball, or it goes whizzing by my head, or lands on my prize orchid, then yeah, that’s a nuisance. I’m not trying to set myself up as saint.
I’m still not sure how a ball can “constantly” fall. I toss it over, and he immediately tosses it back to my yard? Fine, I leave it there until I feel like tossing it back, maybe tomorrow.
Well before you said it was no problem even if the ball is “constantly” falling in your yard.
I suppose that the word “constantly” is ambiguous, but the point is that there is an intensity of ball-falling which can be pretty annoying, depending on the type of ball; the trajectory; and the frequency.
In this situation, it seems pretty clear from the mother’s own admission that it happens quite a lot. If the mother is willing to admit this, then very likely it happens very frequently. Also, another person said it was a soccer ball.
We don’t have all the facts but there is good reason to believe that the child’s ball activities are rather annoying to any reasonable neighbor.
You misunderstand – “society” means that other people need to accommodate 3:20:59 – it’s doesn’t mean that 3:20:59 needs to be considerate of other people.
When we played ball on the yard, the ball went into a neighbor’s yard regularly. We felt free to hop the fence to get it. Isn’t that what neighbors do?
You wouldn’t feel the least bit hurt or threatened to know that one if your own neighbors was wishing death on a member of your family? It would ruin my day.
Sure, and most people are not annoyed by the occasional ball falling in their yard from a neighbor. But depending on the nature of the balls involved and the frequency, it starts to become annoying to any reasonable person and inconsiderate on the part of the parents of the child who is sending the balls over.
I just don’t see how the opinion of one mean person could make that much of a difference to my life. Maybe if they’d said something like, “I’m watching you and I will personally kill your child”, I’d feel threatened. But that’s not what this is. It just seems like so much unnecessary drama, and like most trolls, the person that wrote the letter is probably very happy with the amount of attention and hand-wringing it’s gotten.
Of course. I’m a pretty emotional person, actually. Sure, the letter is disturbing, the sender is mean, it was wrong of them to do that. I’m just saying I don’t get why it’s become this big oh-my-god thing. It’s a little over the top, considering it’s apparently just one person’s opinion. I’m a little more secure in my life and myself to let one asshole rock my world so much.
I have an autistic child and I can tell you exactly why I would find this so upsetting. I live with a great deal of uncertainty about what will happen to my son when he gets older. Will he be independent? Will I be able to take care of him when he gets much bigger? What happens when I am dead? Will he live in a group home where staffers might brand him with a heated potato masher?
The world is much kinder to people with his kinds of disabilities today than it ever was. There are groups that advocate for autistic people, less impaired autistic people can advocate for themselves, and I reassure myself daily that my son might not be constantly at risk for victimization. An anonymous, hostile letter that claims to speak for everyone would quite literally undermine my belief that people really are more tolerant and that my son has a good shot at living a decent, dignified life free of abuse. Because despite public professions of tolerance and understanding, I now know that people are really thinking that disabled people who disturb their unearned tranquility with soccer balls tossed in their yards ought to be euthanized. I would wonder what things will really be like for my son when I cannot care for him any longer. I would be upset because no matter how confident I am in my life choices, I am very concerned about my son’s future. I would be upset because I would discover that some really fucking important things I had come to believe about my community might be at best, figments of my imagination or at worst, outright lies. The fact that the community seemed to rally around this family suggests that people who were not directly affected recognized that this sort of thing is very dangerous and were quick to respond to such naked hostility with warmth and reassurance.
Yes, perhaps I am having trouble understanding your point.
Do you agree that depending on the nature of the balls involved and the frequency, the problem described can start to become annoying to any reasonable person and inconsiderate on the part of the parents of the child who is sending the balls over?
Does “society” demand that a person simply return the balls, without complaint, no matter how frequent the balls are coming and how large they are?
Does “society” demand that parents take any kind of action to prevent their children from sending balls into neighbors’ yards?
Would you mind sharing what that issue is? If not, imagine if a stranger started attacking you on that one specific issue and cruelly reminding you of the worst aspects of that problem.
That’s great for you – but most people are not like that. Most people have a few issues on which they are rather sensitive. Often involving an unpleasant aspect of reality which is difficult to face.
He is my only child, and I have no direct experience of parenting children with other kinds of disabilities. But I do believe that there are a lot of things about children with autism that enrage bystanders. Failure to make eye contact, emotional disregulation, repetitive behavior, etc all make people angry in a way that some of the less in-your-face (though no less serious) disabilities don’t. People without experience also do not realize that there is sometimes no mitigating it. If my son gets an objectionable substance on his hands or face, he will melt down. If he startles awake from sleeping, he will melt down. If there are too many people or the environment is unfamiliar, he will fail to respond to any kind of communication. This is the way he experiences the world, and no parenting efforts are going to change that in the short term, perhaps not ever.
I don’t take him on the train, I don’t take him to restaurants, I don’t take him to friends’ houses. We have most of our groceries delivered because taking him to the grocery store is a mixed bag, and god knows, people hate to be troubled in the grocery store.
So in my own goddamned home, my son is going to melt down or do other autistic kid things that are usually not in anyone’s control. My neighbors appear to be understanding, and we often drop off baked goods and bottles of wine for no reason whatsoever when we think we are prevailing too much on others’ patience. But for fuck’s sake, when my son is carrying on in my home, I simply cannot worry that someone out there might be inconvenienced if they don’t think that I am doing enough to suppress the outburst.
Just try to smile patiently, throw the soccer ball back over the fence, and give thanks to whatever god you believe in that you are not the parent of that child.