The nine month miracle...

The BBQ Pit
1

If you opened this thinking it was about babies, just take a moment and think - I’m 48 - even if I could, I wouldn’t want to make a baby at this stage in my life. And my daughter is just 17, so grandbabies are not an option right now.

Anyway, this concerns something else entirely.

My psycho next-door neighbor has either developed a sense of pride or the neighborhood association got on her case. Because after nine long months, she finally disposed of the bags and bags of cans that have been sitting on her side porch. This is the same neighbor who used to drag her trash over to my yard rather than shell out $10/month to have her own service.

During the Christmas/New Year’s holidays, bags of aluminum cans began piling up on her 4’ X 4’ porch on the side of her garage - the side facing my house and fully visible to the road. Before she was done, these bags were stacked between 3 and 4 feet high. I assumed she was waiting for recycle day, and she forgot once or twice. [sub]Yeah, I’ve done that a few times, tho my recycling stays in the garage till pickup day[/sub]

Weeks turned into months. The pile stayed. In June, the neighborhood association started meeting. In August, some of the bags burst. Just last week, all of the bags were gone. I came home and glanced over there one day. I saw a porch. No bags. No cans. Amazing. It only took about nine months.

And before someone asks, we are not on speaking terms. Not since the time an animal killed the rabbit she had in her back yard and she sent the sheriff over to see us about our dogs. She didn’t come ask herself - she called the sheriff - over a rabbit - that she had in her unfenced back yard - the same unfenced back yard that has an in-ground swimming pool. Yeah, there’s a law about that, but apparently she is selective about what laws she observes.

No, our dogs weren’t responsible for her rabbit - the dalmatian had just had surgery on her leg and she could barely walk, and the border collie has bad hips so she’s not much of a hunter. But psycho neighbor didn’t bother to ask - it was easier to waste the sheriff’s time. No, I don’t have any issues with her - why do you ask?

She did fence her pool eventually. But she’s still a whacko.

2

Ah, the “whacko neighbor and the garbage” thread. :smiley:

We once had a whacko next-door neighbor who quit paying the garbage man, so the garbage man quit picking up his trash, so W.N. started putting his trash in our trash cans, so this consisted largely of empty beer cans in cheap hole-y Hefty sacks, which dribbled beer cans all over the place, so that was the week that Mike the Neighborhood Services guy was patrolling the alleys in our neighborhood, so we got the nasty letter, so I called Mike to say WTF, so Mike said Ma’am, I have pictures, so I said, it’s not our trash, we don’t even drink, so he was very interested to find that W.N. was no longer paying the trash man, so he said he’s required by local ordinance to pay the trash man, so I said oh really, so he said really, so the next thing that happened was that the W.N.'s mother came and took him away and the house was sold to a very nice young family who are fanatics about trash.

And before they could move in, the seller had to pay a guy to clean out TWO pickup truckloads of Hefty sacks with beer cans and garbage from the basement.
a 17-year-old never got pregnant before?

3

Hmmmm. most folks here just skip the trash can and deposit their beer cans directly in the back of their pick-up trucks.

4

After a brief foray into the world of landlording, we had tenants who disappeared without warning or anything. They left behind a refrigerator full of spoiled, melted food and a pile of loaded, disintegrating garbage bags on the back patio. Cleaning up after them was one of the most disgusting tasks I’ve ever faced. We sold the property shortly thereafter, resolving never to consider that as a means of supplementing our income.

Hush - my Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] is more interested in pursuing a career that will enable her to care for her doting parents in their old age than she is in mere carnal pleasures. It’s true! lalalalalalala I can’t hear you!

5

Here’s to hoping the two can remain mutually exclusive! :smiley:

6

This isn’t a garbage problem, but it is a wacko neighbor problem.

I’ve discussed Lois and Johnny twice before, and things with them have reached a new level.

Lois has only one way of talking: loud and slow. Johnny is crazy. They spend a lot of time either on their porch or with the door open, and during that time, Lois is constantly yelling at Johnny.

For example, one Saturday, I decided to take a nap. My bedroom window, which is near their house, was open. All during my nap attempts, I heard this:

“ARE YOU GONNA PROMISE ME TO SAY YOUR’RE SORRY WHENEVER YOU BREAK A PROMISE, YES OR NO?”

Over and over. Lois is big into promises, and “yes or no”. The next day we heard Lois yelling at Johnny again, and I joked to my wife about “Are you gonna promise me…yes or no.” However, sure enough, it was still that same line.

On another Saturday, she felt that Johnny wasn’t letting her use her ice trays. I have no idea what he was supposedly preventing her from doing, but all weekend long it was, “Can I use the four ice trays that are mine yes or no?”

It’s gotten louder and louder. They don’t sleep, so at night if we want to have our bedroom window open rather than use the air conditioner, we have to drown her out with a fan. My wife often has a tough time getting any work done at home because there’s this constant loud droning from her all day long.

These people’s minds don’t work right, so you can’t reason with them. There’s really not much we can do about it. Mrs. Mancer once heard Johnny tell Lois to quiet down and she responded with, “I can’t talk any quieter, it hurts my throat.” (Since they chain-smoke constantly, I’m surprised he can hit the level she does, honestly.)

The thing is, there’s a chance we may be moving soon, and we have no idea how we’ll ever sell this house with her constantly yelling next door to it.

7

This reminds me of a line from Ice Pirates the crew is walking through a crowd and a girl yells out to the captain “You never keep any of your promises!”

He says back “Well, I will from now on, I… uh… promise?”

She yells back “You will???”

:smack:

8

HOLY SHIT! This sounds EXACTLY like my neighbors when I Was a kid, “The Butchkowskis”. These people were ULTRA trash.
There was at least 10 of them living in this house. Their front porch was on stilts because the legs rotted off. They had bags and bags of beer cans on the porch. They had 15-20 old TV tubes, just the tubes, lined up next to their garage, which had no siding, just tar paper on the side. The had various car parts sitting on the yard too. Just like a cartoon or comic book, except it was real.

Once when I was young, I went in the house to visit my friend who was visiting there, and they had this huge, I mean FUCKING HUGE crate of Brachs candy sitting right smack dab in the middle of the living room. I was really young at the time and didn’t think anything of it. I just thought “Holy shit, this is fucking cool. Look at all this candy these guys have. Let’s swim in the shit!” Once I got older and thought back on it, the crate was obviously stolen from a grocery store. It was massive. It was about 2/3rds the size of a full size refridgerator box, and thats no shit. Just sitting. Right in the middle of the living room. Me and my friend loaded up our pockets with taffies and fireballs and left.

Then my poor parents. Their bedroom window was directly across from the Butch front porch. It pointed directly at thier kitchen door. These houses were only 15 ft apart or so, so they could hear EVERYTHING that the Butch were saying. The worst was when they would play Yahtzee all night long in the summer on their kitchen table. With the door open. We didn’t have AC, so my parents had to sleep with thier window open in the summer. Every 10-15 seconds, all night long, all summer long, all you would hear was “Crishshshs, SHIT!!” or “CrishSHSHSH FUCK YEAH!” from them rolling the 6 dice, over and over and over. And my parents would hardly get sleep because it was like they were playing right in thier bedroom. I mean ALL NIGHT LONG, EVERY NIGHT.

I could go on about these clowns, but you get the picture.

BTW, In 89 they had to get the foundation replaced on thier “Mansion”. Well, they had contractors come out and lift the entire 2 story house, which couldn’t have been worth more than 50K, if that, and it was on a 1/4 acre, if that, so they could pour a new basement. Well, they stopped paying the contractors, so the contractors stopped working. They left the entire house, sitting on fucking 7 foot stilts, for over a year!! The house was not touching the ground anywhere. For over a fuckng year!

I challenge ANYONE to beat this story for pure Butchkowski trashiness.

9

OK, I don’t think this’ll top that, but you folks have seen the Redneck Neighbor from hell page, right? If not, it’s pretty entertaining.

(quick hint: on all picture links on that page, right-click for “open in new window”, otherwise you’ll have to wait through a full-reload of that entire page each time you click ‘Back’ from viewing one of the many linked pictures.)

have fun!
'zot

10

Geez, Stinkpalm, you make me feel a lot better about my idiot neighbor…

11

So they got in and out on ladders?

And don’t tell me: a whole lot of junk started accumulating under the house.

12

FairyChatMom, I’ll trade you. I’ll take the front porch trash collector. We can trade neighbors. You can have one of my two bad neighbors and I’ll take yours. :slight_smile:

I live in an apartment building. On the second floor. Below me is the wonderful pizza guy who opens my door and helps me carry groceries. On my floor (2nd) lives: my across the hall neighbor whom I love and is my best friend and lets me borrow her cats. Those are the good two.

Down the hall from me lives Smelly Old Guy. His apartment shares a wall with my bedroom. The stench sometimes starts to permeate the walls into my apartment. He smells of cigarettes and B.O. He likes to walk around the halls in his underwear. He coughs up loogies on the floors. We think he pees in the stairwells (because they smell like urine after he’s been in them). He hisses at me when he sees me. Hisses at me! WTF?

And then there is the upstairs neighbor. She is horrible. Shrill. She has these two hellian kids that think their floor (my ceiling) is a trampoline. They jump and my light fixtures rattle. The kids aren’t too bright. The door from the second floor hall opens into the stairwell leading out to the building. The kids like to run down the stairs and outside. You can hear them. You hear them hit the landing where the door opens out, open door, and BAM! Instant gratification hitting hellian kid in head with the door. :smiley:

And across the street lives upstairs neighbors mother. I know where upstairs neighbor gets her horribleness. Grandma sits outside all day and yells at the hellian kids (and everyone else) constantly, with contradictory messages (“Get me another pack of cigs out of my house! Don’t you dare go in the house with those muddy shoes! Don’t touch anything! Get back here! Where are my cigs? I gotta smoke some more and blow smoke in front of this here newborn baby that I’m holdin’. And there’s a car driving in the street! to guy in car Who are you? You ain’t got no right to be driving here!”) She is loud. I can here her when I’m in my apartment, with the windows closed, my stereo on, in the shower, singing along to the stereo.