The day is almost here, and I have mixed feelings about it.
This is the robot that for the past ten years has been carrying out various duties at our hospital, most of which allegedly involved transporting trays for the Nutrition Department, although there have been suspicions of other, more nefarious activities, as noted in this thread.
I have never liked the robot - its squat, looming presence, its sullen demeanor, its habit of blocking access to where I need to go. It is referred to by a few deluded admirers as “Rosie” - which may be because it somewhat resembles Rosie O’Donnell, another not exactly endearing feature. It also is sneaky; one of my colleagues reports being startled on occasion when (for example) waiting for an elevator with no one else around and hearing the robot suddenly speak (one of its cute little phrases like “LET ME THROUGH”)*.
I should be happy they’re finally pulling the plug on this thing. And yet I feel a sense of…well not regret exactly…more like unease. Should I go to its retirement party down in the cafeteria (they’re offering cheap sundaes and a chance to get your picture taken with the robot)? What gifts would be appropriate (I’m thinking a small can of WD40, but maybe it would like a nice puppy. I’m not sure this gesture would go over well, though. Does it realize I’ve always viewed it with disdain? Worse - does it comprehend that it’s not actually being honored with retirement, but is being downsized, with the funds that supported it being earmarked for other purposes?
Will it get all sloppy and maudlin, and start singing Styx’s Mr. Roboto, or maybe The Humans Are Dead? What if it goes berserk, zaps partygoers with high voltage rays and starts careening through the corridors at high speed, beeping and shouting “PLEASE STAND CLEAR” and “BOW, PITIFUL HUMANS BEFORE MY TECHNOLOGICAL MASTERY!”?
I think I’ll stay in my office. With the door locked.
Maybe the nickname derives from The Jetsons, but our robot looks nothing like the Rosie from that series. It’s more like this, only lower, squatter, and without arms or legs.
Actually, I think the money saved on the robot service contract will go toward a new patient shuttle bus.
Hey, I passed the robot in a basement corridor this morning (it was sulking with what its startup screen identified as a “stuck bumper”, flashing its orange light), and realized I could look up an image online to post.
Here it is, storage door open ready to be loaded with dinner trays, or whatever else people have been stuffing into it. Ain’t it a cutie?
"What employee never takes a vacation or a break, never calls in sick, works around the clock 365 days a year, has more than 3 million hours of experience, and is qualified to work in dietary services, radiology and medical record departments, pharmacies, central supply, and laboratories? The answer is a competent, cost-effective robotic courier that enables hospitals to redirect staff to more valuable roles."*
You know times are tough when even the robots are getting laid off.
*on the other hand, humans are rarely laid up with a “stuck bumper”.
