“but if you don’t pet me every once in a while, it’s hard to keep me under the porch.”
Anybody willing to defend Ron White?
In other words, is not putting out ever a defense to adultery?
Is that a defense or is it an observation about relationships?
Sure. If a spouse refuses sex, refuses to explain why, refusing marriage therapy, why not? One spouse has checked out of the marriage. One might argue that spouse should sue for divorce, but that’s sort of separate issue. There are often reasons that divorce is not the best option.
Not when the adultery involves deception (open relationships are ok). I think there are very rare circumstances in which adultery is the best option- but these are few and far between.
An example- a married couple with young children in which one party is no longer interested in sex any more, but otherwise they have a great relationship. In this situation, the other party should attempt to resolve this through communication (and perhaps therapy)- but if that fails, and the other party is not willing to accept some sort of open relationship, then a discrete affair (with an informed and mature third party) might be the best of several bad options.
I think the above situation would be pretty rare, though- most of the time some sort of compromise could be reached. When kids aren’t involved, then even these rare situations don’t apply, and the frustrated partner should leave the relationship.
Course Ron is a comedian and he might be making a joke for the joke’s sake. Comedians want to make you laugh, or think, or relate. I’m not of a mind that’s always a bad thing in and of itself.
In a “it’s just human nature” sort of way, certainly. Sex is a major part of marriage for most people and an extremely powerful drive; if they can’t get sex at home it becomes likely they’ll give in to the temptation to get it elsewhere.
He was talking about himself.
Well, it was a joke, but I think he meant it as a sort of a justification for why he cheated on his then-wife.
Technically, the “good…but…” formulation says that what he did was not a good thing.
I couldn’t say. It’s honestly not a good idea to judge a line from a standup routine out of context. For example runner pat’s line sounds more critical than the other one you quoted because he’s implying he doesn’t have much self-control.
I’ve heard White tell that story in his routine. And when I read the OP I asked myself “Was that Ron White, the guy, talking, or the Ron White character giving the monologue?” A lot of comedy is taking a snippet of reality and exaggerating it.
So, was White rationalizing and justifying his infidelity or talking about some guy’s reasoning? I don’t know. I really don’t think folks listen to Ron White for his marital advice. On the other hand, I do like his advice about it being a good idea to know how many guys they have available to throw you out of a bar.
I love Ron White, for starters. It’s his delivery, the man has a way with pauses.
This is one of the few things Der has said that I agree with, especially when it comes to men. All the jokes and cutsey Some-E-Cards and Demotivational posters aside, there is very little in the male life that can’t be smoothed over with sex. Amirite?
Something I’ve said for many, many years (and don’t know if it’s original to me) goes like this: “(whatever device is malfunctioning) are just like men - you gotta play with them every once in awhile if you want them to work right.”
Its not just the physical aspect of sex that matters in the relationship, there is also the matter of feeling wanted and loved.
Withholding sex in a long term relationship then becomes a form of personal rebuttal, and depending upon what is happening in said relationship, sex outside it can become a form of self validation.
Not ever, but always.
It’s a defense against leaving your spouse, and/or coming to an agreement that you can fuck other people. It’s not a defense against lying to the person you’re supposed to be spending your life with.
Sure, withholding intimacy is a shitty move. Screwing around behind someone’s back is also. Let your spouse know you’re going to have sex with other people, and they can decide whether to allow it or split up. But let them make that decision, don’t make it for them by lying and sneaking around.
Married sex exposes us to the awful truth, that sex just isn’t as great as its cracked up to be. Most of the energy we are absorbed by is anticipation, fantasy, struggle and ritual. Lot of people get hooked on that, without that sort of energy, it ain’t sex, so far as they are concerned. Love is granola, being in love is a sizzling pizza.
I bet if you just went to the ball game or the Piggly Wiggly, and if your intuition was honed to that level of perfection, and you went scanning faces to guess how many of those people thought they had really rockin’ sex lives, you’d ping maybe what? One in ten?
And Ron White? Well, bless his heart, he’s a good old boy. Know a hundred men just like him and half of those are kinfolks.
Do you mean that not putting out is always a defense, or that always not putting out is a defense? Regardless: if someone is unhappy with the within-marriage level of sexual activity, it behooves that person to make alternative arrangements prior to seeking outside attention. Or else just end the marriage entirely. Cheating is never proper.
Thankfully you cannot speak for everyone, and shouldn’t. Love, familiarity, and comfort blur all manner of flaws, and sex becomes a far less selfish act when you want to please someone you are fond of.
Divorce is more often devastating financially and emotionally to children and at the very least financially to women.
Open marriages are only going to work in a tiny proportion of cases, unless you live in a society where polygyny is accepted as normal. It runs counter to multiple human instincts.
In the vast majority of cases in which one partner has checked out sexually, but otherwise the relationship and family life are beneficial overall, infidelity – that is, secret, lying infidelity – should be considered an acceptable option, because it results overall in the greatest number of positive outcomes for all affected individuals.
It’s simply rational.
This. Kind of. It’s not so much as that it runs counter to their instincts, as that they can’t imagine agreeing to something that will embarrass them should anyone else find out.
Lots of people (certainly not everyone, or even a majority, but LOTS of people) don’t really care if their spouse is stepping out, as long as they don’t have to know about it, and if they do find out are exponentially more likely to forgive it and stay together if no one else knows about it.
They’re content with the illusion of a good marriage. Take that illusion away, THEN there’s a problem.