Is it rude not to give children food when they reach to grab it off your plate without asking? My sister thinks so.
Me, my sister, and a few other relatives went out for dinner. I was tired, hungry, and frustrated. The restaurant was downtown. It took us forever to find a parking spot. We had to park like three blocks away from the restaurant! About time we got to the establishment, I was almost out of breath and my feet hurted. We had to wait 45 minutes to get our table. Not all of us could fit into the tiny booth, the table was pressed against our ribcages. So we had to wait another 15 minutes to get a different table!
When my food finally arrived, I was in heaven. A very large bowl of fettucine alfreado mixed with marinara. The server said it was meant for two people, and even then there should be leftovers. Whatever. I was able to scarf that down and a side order of broccoli. The broccoli was cooked to perfection. It was drenched in butter, salt, and garlic. At my shock, my three year old cousin reached for a large piece of broccoli. I gave her a really stern look, like an Angry Bird. She backed away, thankfully.
But then, my sister blurted out “Madison wants some broccoli, could you give her some?” I was like “No, it’s MINE” My sister got mad and told me I was really rude.
What do you think? Is it rude to not give children food that’s not theirs? Especially when they don’t ask?
If that kid did that with my food, she would be lucky if she didn’t get stabbed in the hand with my fork. I am food aggressive and defend my food first and ask questions later. Ask politely and I might grudgingly give up a sample, or more happily if you have something interesting you’re sharing with me, too.
But another thing I’d like to point out, you really should work on not being winded after walking just three blocks. It should be as much effort as crossing the street. That’s kind of alarming.
^^^
What SDT said.
Your sister has some very weird ideas about child-rearing, I think. No, of course children shouldn’t be encouraged to take anything they want just because they want it. That’s called stealing.
How old a kid are we talking about? If they’re old enough to push food into their own face, but not quite old enough to express themselves verbally (admittedly, a narrowish window), I’d say forgiveness is in order (perhaps with a ritual enforcement of “Say please”).
If they’re old enough to be taught not to grab, then teach them not to grab. They should ask.
If they ask fairly civilly to try something on my plate (and especially if it’s a vegetable), I’d be only too happy to share. I love food, but I don’t need to defend my plate - I can always get more.
You were tired, frustrated, hungry. How did the three-year-old feel? Your appetite was in overdrive. How was the three-year-old’s? The arrival of food over-rode your self-control to the extent that you shoveled down enough food to feed two people with leftovers. What did it do to the three-year-old’s self-control?
Three years old is old enough to know to say please, but it’s not old enough to expect total restraint in the circumstances you describe. I would have told the kid not to grab, and made her say please and thank you. But I would have shared my food with the tired, hungry child.
You’re assuming the child was in the same state as the OP, but perhaps that’s not the case. In a previous post the OP has stated that he is morbidly obese so that’s probably why he was frustrated, hungry, tired after walking three blocks and found that a restaurant booth was “tiny.”
Otherwise I agree with you but note that the OP’s question was not about the appropriateness of the child’s behaviour, but that of the child’s mother.
What, nobody bought the sprog its own food? In that case, it is the MOM who provides the food from her plate.
Never teach a kid it is alright to assume that any food on the table is fair game when in a restaurant. At home marginally OK … but not in my WASP whitebread culture. Dot Indian, Middle Eastern, African subcontinent, Caribbean, ok … but not in my house or at my table. Ask politely if there is something on the table and not on your plate.
It’s not clear how much food had arrived - the OP only talks of “when my food arrived” but I’m assuming everyone had food in front of them at more or less the same time. And yes, the parents have primary responsibility for feeding her child. But in a family setting, I would kind of expect everybody to be open to the idea of sharing with a young cousin/niece/nephew/grandkid. But that may be a cultural thing.
Even so, I don’t see the objection to a) getting the kid to ask nicely and then b) sharing with them. I don’t see anything in the OP to suggest that the OP or the mother spoke to the kid about please and thank you - a teaching opportunity missed. And it seems that the OP’s objections are as much to do with not wanting to share the delicious broccoli as they are to a three-year-old forgetting her manners. “NO IT’S MINE” doesn’t suggest that asking politely would have got the kid any further.
Yes, the OP’s sister should have intervened and told the child that we don’t take food from other people’s plates. And then told the child to ask and say please. After which the OP can share the piece of broccoli (seriously, there will be more broccoli in the OP’s life).
I’m curious how you know this. I vaguely remember my son working on his manners at this age, and while he did good for the most part he still had to be reminded from time to time. I don’t think I’ve ever met a 3yo who had completely mastered their manners by age 3.
Wow. I think it’s pretty freaking selfish to not give a 3year old a piece of broccoli. It sounds like you had MORE than enough food to share. No, the kid may not have shown perfect manners, but sheessss. Three. Years. Old.
Right. And according to the story, the mom didn’t say or imply that A Typical Moper was rude for not letting the grubby little toddler hand grab his broccoli.
According to the story, mom just asked politely for the kid. I probably would’ve chided my child for grabbing and made him ask politely himself. If I was tired I may have handled it the exact same way.
It doesn’t matter how old the kid is, they don’t have a right to demand food off your plate, whether it’s broccoli or a twinkie. My three year old knows that if we say no it means he doesn’t get it. He’s at the age where he still complains, but he understands that ‘no’ is an answer he might get. I really am astounded you think that a three year old should have the right to demand food off someone else’s plate. That’s absolutely unacceptable even at that age.
And my three year old uses ‘please’ and doesn’t grab things out of people’s hands, because we understand as parents that they will do what you practice with them at home.
Absolutely not rude on the OP, very rude on the part of the kid and the mom. Blame goes to the mom for letting the kid get away with it.
Everyone was rude here. In ranking order, Mom, child and OP. Mom because you dint correct adults manners in public, child because grabbing things is rude, but it sounds like she hasn’t been taught that, so she gets a sliver of a break. OP because, “no, it’s mine,” is about the rudest way possible to not share.
OTOH, there’s also no polite way in the current culture to correct someone else’s child when the parent isn’t doing it and is sitting right there. The OP literally couldn’t win. Give the kid the broccoli and he’s reinforcing the bad manners. Correct the kid, either by refusing the broccoli or suggesting the kid ask, and the mom will display more bad manners in response. The OP and the kid are screwed