If you think THAT’s a rude question be prepared for a lifetime of stress, especially if you ever meet a single guy…
Though I’ve moved more often, or at least made several much bigger moves, since my dad got out of the Air Force (well…actually, he was sort of forcibly retired in the cutbacks in the early '90s) I’ve found if I say, “My dad was in the Air Force,” I get a lot of “Oh. So you moved a lot.” End of subject.
The last time that I was asked why I didn’t have “children of my own blood” (I have two stepchildren), I replied with a simple answer: “I would have had to raise them from birth and children under the age of three are only good for exercising savage dogs.”
It took a moment for that response to sink in. Hilarity then ensued. At least for me.
One sister was having marital problems, which somehow I knew about, so from my perspective, it wasn’t a top secret thing.
So at the annual Xmas, when she and her husband were standing there, I asked them if they were ever going to get around to getting divorced.
She doesn’t talk to me much anymore.
For a number of reasons, I’ve had the “Where are you really from?” question aggressively asked of me. I’ve found answering “From my mother’s uterus” usually forces the asker to rephrase the question. 
From my experience, most single guys don’t bother asking.
The next time your friend gets this question, she should put a pitying look on her face and say, “No, dear. They’re merely a figment of your fevered imagination.”
I’ve gotten questions that weren’t as rude as the followup to my answer:
Other Person: Are you from around here? (Because I don’t have a Southern accent)
Me: I was born and raised 45 minutes from here. I’ve never lived outside the South.
Other Person: You don’t sound like one of us. You sound like a damn Yankee. (Not said jokingly–it’s not the Yankee part that’s offensive, by the way)
Other Person: Are you and your husband going to have children?
Me: Probably not. We might adopt.
Other Person: Why? Is there something wrong with you?
Me: (glower) Since when is my fertility any of your damn business?
But the worst was on a blind date…
Him: (leering at my chest) What size tits do you have?
Me: (stunned silence)
Him: I want to touch them. (grabs them)
Me: (smacks his hands away) I don’t think so. I’m going home. Don’t even think about calling me.
A question of Dopers out there: Is it ever inoffensive to ask someone where they hail from? Not out of any ulterior motive or wanting to give a smackdown - I’m just fascinated by accents, dialects, and how appearance may vary based on where people come from. Of course, when I ask, I try to preface it with a comment about, “If you don’t want to answer, that’s fine, but I was wondering…”
Would that offend those of you who’ve said that questions about your origins are offensive?
What sort of dumbshit question is “How tall are you?” Surely if someone’s close enough to you to ask you this it must be plainly obvious how tall you are? I’m pretty short, but I can’t remember ever having been asked this in person. “How much do you weigh?”, on the other hand…
I hate the following exchange:
Q: Do you have a girlfriend?
A: No
Q: When did you break up?
Aargh!
Person from whom this question is completely inappropriate (we’ll call him “Peter”): So, do you have a boyfriend?
Scribble: (Assuming overly dramatic, obviously fake look of suprise) Why, Peter–I…I didn’t know you cared!
This response seems to work pretty well, I find. Everybody laughs, and “Peter” slinks off in embarrassment.
But I don’t get WHY this question is rude? I mean, there’s ways and ways to follow it up that can be very rude but asking if someone has a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife… I just don’t see the outrage.
silentgoldfish: It depends on the circumstances, and sometimes how it is worded as well.
I’d say two main reasons why it might not be tactful to ask that to someone you don’t know very well:
- It makes assumptions about their sexuality (e.g. asking a gay man “do you have a girlfriend?”)
- It can put the other person into an uncomfortable position (as in the exchange I described in my other post).
OtakuLoki-I don’t find the question “where do you come from?” offensive at all. I mean, it’s one of the basic questions you ask people.
It’s the assumption that I’m lying or somehow concealing my “real” origins that I find offensive. There are better ways of finding out my ethnic origins, raising your eyebrows and saying “Really? you don’t look like you’re from Belfast” isn’t one of them.
Something like “Where did you get those lovely dark eyes from?” tends to go down better with me, but I’m a sucker for flattery.
Rude Old Biddy: “Why would you marry someone with a birth defect? I mean, how can you have sex with a cripple? Why don’t you divorce him and marry a real man who can make make love to you and give you children?”
:rolleyes:
I can’t even start to comment on that without going to the Pit. Yes, it really did happen.
I can’t believe I didn’t mention my favorite response to age inquiries. It could be adapted for other rude questions too, I’ll bet.
It isn’t used when someone just straight-out asks “how old are you?,” but when they make some kind of comment that is meant to sound lighthearted but really is just them probing for a justification and an answer. For example:
Other: “Oh my gosh, you look too young to have a credit card! (car, job, fiancee when I had one, whatever)”
Me: “Ah! Well. There’s a very good reason for that.”
Them: blink blink
Me: makes a hasty retreat
I don’t think anyone’s ever had the right combination of quick thinking and unmitigated gall to get past that brush-off and ask me what that reason is before I can change the subject or get away. Sometimes it doesn’t matter as much, but when they are asking me about a job or school, the truth (I am a little younger than most people who have X, but not a kid, and my age has nothing to do with my capabilities anyway) will make them treat me differently. That, of course, is why they want to know, so they can treat me differently!
My parents tried to see if they could set me up in an arranged marriage. So I get checked out by the parents of the prospective groom at a meeting in which the only thing that kept me sane was petting the host’s dog (host is distantly related to prospective groom’s family, I guess someone thought this was neutral ground). You would not believe the number of rude questions (height/weight was only the beginning) but the simultaneously funniest and rudest to me was: “Have you ever gotten a traffic ticket?” (A complete non sequitor in the course of the interrogation, BTW.)
What, that’s the worst crime in the world you can imagine?? If I tell you I have, does this make me unfit to be the mother of your grandchildren (and can I then quit this meeting)?
The fascinating thing (to my mind) was how my parents, who I would have thought would be trying to present me in my best light (for sale, dontcha know), felt obligated to answer all these rude questions honestly and thoroughly where I had no hesitation ducking, replying with questions back, etc …
The last time I was asked “Why aren’t you married?” at a family reunion, I replied:
“Are you proposing? We’re related! I don’t think that’d be legal!”
My sister tells me she still has giggle fits everytime she thinks about that.
My pat answer to nosy questions is usually “Why do you need to know?” If I get the standard, “I just asked!” response I reply with “Why did you ask? Why do you need to know?” They go away then. Mission accomplished.
“How much money do you make?”
“I ain’t lending you any, so quit asking.”
I have this answer in reserve for a time I’m feeling really snarky and smart assy.
at a family get-together, by an uncle, to a 13 year old: “so do you spank the monkey yet?” (not directed at me, thank Og)
Oh, good lord, do I hate being asked how much I weigh. On the other hand, I don’t mind people asking me my neck size or suit measurement, for some reason - probably because my neck is the size of some women’s waists.