Suppose Star Wars had been Ewoks/ Midichlorian/ Jar-Jar Binks bad from the very beginning. How would Lucas’s first and last Star Wars movie have played out? Maybe… (1). C3PO would have been voiced by Jonathan Harris, and R2-D2 would have made sarcastic comments in a Brooklyn jewish accent. (2). Tarkin would have been played by Christopher Lee reprising his portrayal of Fu-Manchu. (3). Luke Skywalker would have been played by Butch Patrick as sullen, whiny and angst-ridden. (4). The Jedi Knights would have been a hereditary order of nobles, based on their genetic superiority. (5). Mos Eisley would have been a thinly disguised Algiers, and Jabba the Hutt would have been shown as a grotesquely fat Arab sheik. (6). The Death Star would have been designed to look like either: a giant Death’s head- the DEATH Star, get it?- or a giant version of Darth Vader’s helmet. What else?
Somebody recently mentioned how much it would have sucked if Lucas had tried to go for a contemporary sound and had used hit songs from 1977 in the soundtrack.
Some of the top songs of that year:
Best Of My Love - Emotions
Gonna Fly Now - Bill Conti
How Deep Is Your Love - Bee Gees
Rich Girl - Daryl Hall & John Oates
Torn Between Two Lovers - Mary MacGregor
You Don’t Have To Be A Star (To Be In My Show) - Marilyn McCoo & Billy Davis, Jr.
You Light Up My Life - Debby Boone
You Make Me Feel Like Dancing - Leo Sayer
Instead of two droids, Luke’s sidekick would be an animated talking cat with magic powers.
If you remember 70s cartoon shows, you get the reference.
Just as well that in 1977 Lucas couldn’t have afforded the royalties for top 40 songs…
During fight scenes, he could have just run tape backwards and forwards real fast to make the sand dude look extra mean and scary.
Oh, yeah. He did do that. :smack:
Just imagine two small changes that could easily have been made.
1> Using David Prowse’ (the man in the Darth Vader suit) voice rather than dubbing in James Earl Jones. Prowse/Vader was called “Darth Farmer” on the set.
2> Go with George Lucas’ original idea of making C3PO sound like a used car salesman (a British one at that, considering the actor in the suit).
Have you got an entirely different picture in your head now?
Greedo shoots first.
Take Fox’s suggestion and have Chewbacca wear lederhosen.
Have her do the music.
-Luke, I am your mother´s second cousin.
-So what, toaster face?
He could have included drug-culture references. (Luke, inhale this midiclori-weed. We Jedi find that it helps us feel the Force).
Or, being 1977, he could have done a lot of thinly-veiled allegory. Like how the evil Empire’s poor economic policies were really driving up inflation. Or how the droids were better made in the old Republic. Now, everybody gets the foreign models.
Entire cast in black face.
Hard core Luke on sister pornography.
If Luke had been driving an open-top Mercedes across the Tatooine desert instead of a landspeeder, that would have killed it for me.
And where they might fit:
Best Of My Love: C-3PO offers replacement parts to repair his “friend” R2-D2
Gonna Fly Now: launch scene for the Battle of Yavin
How Deep Is Your Love: Luke and Leia at the disabled bridge
Rich Girl: Leia defiantly brought before Vader
Torn Between Two Lovers: new shot of Leia looking pensive after leaving Luke and Han in the cockpit
You Don’t Have To Be A Star (To Be In My Show): “That’s no moon!”
You Light Up My Life: first light saber ignition
You Make Me Feel Like Dancing: Vader and Obi-Wan duel
Wait, I thought we were making it worse. 
Luke tells Obi that his uncle told him not to talk to strangers, then promptly goes home after finding the droids in the desert. Stormtroopers show up then kill everybody. Empire then kills everybody else with the Death Star.
Very Shakespearean!
Space Hippies.
Oh, Roddenberry. Why did you do that to us…?
Somewhat similar to the “songs of the 70s” idea, if Lucas was inspired to use popular teen actors/teen idols of the time; then we need to both recast and to use an idea that got overworked in 70s family sitcoms. So, at some point, Luke (played by Leif Garrett), Leia (Didi Conn), Han (David Cassidy), and Chewbacca (Richard Kiel) would form a pop band. They would crank out hit records and hold concerts, and use the funds raised to support the Rebels…
…or possibly to get a silver platter engraved for their parents.
Now there’s a reference!
Aw, lay off … Herbert.
Luke is 12 years old, and is played by Robbie Rist.
C-3PO is played by Robin Williams.
Han Solo is played by Henry Winkler.
Chewbacca is played by “Sweetums” from the Muppet Show.
Princess Leia is played by Marie Osmond.
Obi-Wan Kenobi is played by John Carradine.
Darth Vader is basically the same, except that each of his lines is followed by a booming “Mwa-ha-ha-ha!” laugh. Plus his cape has a collar that stands up like Dracula’s.
The Stormtroopers are all robots.
It’s made clear that Darth Vader is Luke’s father from the beginning. A major subplot is Obi-Wan constantly avoiding Luke’s questions about his dad, while fretting about what it will do to the boy when he finds out. “If he only knew…” Carradine muses to himself, shaking his head sadly.
First order of business: farting. You have never heard so many fart gags in a single movie. The banthas fart. The dewbacks fart. The Jawas fart. The cantina is renamed the “Fart Saloon.” Don’t even ask about the trash compactor scene. When R2-D2’s restraining bolt is removed, the first thing he does is fart. Hard.
Greedo shoots first! But misses! Then Sweetums comes up behind him and bonks him on the head with a pan! That’s how he and the Fonz meet! Isn’t that fantastic?!
The Hanz doesn’t care for young Luke at first, because he doesn’t like kids. Luke is saddened by this, and looks at the floor. Obi-Wan looks at the Hanz sternly! But later, while rescuing Princess Leia from the Death Star, Luke discovers his amazing knack for computer wizardry, which he never knew about until now! Being able to control computers is all a part of the Force, as Obi-Wan explains. The Hanz is impressed by the kid’s usefulness, and pronounces him “cool,” giving his signature thumbs-up gesture! They become fast friends!
When the Rebels are making their run on the Death Star, remember how, right before the TIE fighters appeared, there was that one moment of eerie quiet? Forget that; it never happened. Instead, EVEN MORE STUFF HAPPENS EVERYWHERE, CONSTANTLY.
Speaking of the run on the Death Star: Luke, of course, isn’t supposed to be there, because he’s only 12. But he gets trapped aboard an X-wing while “playing fighter pilot” and accidentally activates the automatic guidance system. He makes it all the way through the trench run too, also by virtue of the automatic guidance system. He’s really excited. “Yahoo!”
Suddenly he hears a voice! It’s Ben! Yes, even though Obi-Wan was tragically killed back on the Death Star… oh wait, he wasn’t! He was just knocked out, and he’s really alive after all! And now he’s talking to Luke over the ship comm system, telling him that he can make a difference… if he only believes in himself!
Oh no! It’s Darth Vader in his V-Fighter! (The ‘V’ stands for ‘Vader.’) The Dark Lord zooms in for the kill… but then, Obi-Wan reveals the truth! Luke is Vader’s son! Luke: “You… you’re my dad? Yahoo!” Vader: “I… I never knew… I have a son! Mu-hahaha!” He changes sides immediately, and protects Luke as he fires the shot that destroys the Death Star and its robot army!
Everyone is saved! There’s a big celebration, and the comical fuzzy Yavinoos do a big song-and-dance number! Obi-Wan reveals that the Force has the power to heal Vader’s injuries, and he magically transforms into… TV’s Andy Griffith! He and Luke embrace, surrounded by all their friends, who smile and wave. It’s the end… and the credits roll to the groovy beat of Jefferson Starship!
Oh, and “Grand Moff Tarkin” is renamed “Grand Moff Tofflepoppellus.”
Make it a broadway musical on rollerskates.
Rather than physically imprison Leia, Vader has her brain surgically removed! He uses it to empower the Death Star, which is disguised as a desert planet. Luke, Obi-Wan, Han & co. pursue Vader’s forces to the Star, and encounter primitive tribesmen (all male) on the ‘planet’s’ surface. They penetrate to the interior of the world (the Death Star) where they encounter numerous beautiful women who wear thin drapes of see-through clothe rather than shirts, and who continually cry “Brain and brain! What IS brain?” when questioned by Luke & co…