Russian Oligarch nicknamed "Sausage King" killed in sauna with crossbow

Seeing this thread title over & over directly inspired me to make a sausage-based dinner tonight.

Should have been served on skewers.

Ok, I laughed.

I guess he really is the new Vlad the Impaler.

Did anyone see a bald man with a barcode on the back of his head?

Exactly what I thought when I opened the thread.

His dying words: “I never sausage a weapon.”

The assailant learned why you only get to fire a crossbow once per round in D&D.

Police have traced down the two suspects and uncovered more scurrilous doings.

Followup, quoted bit from the Guardian (UK):

Holy crap. I can almost hear Guy Ritchie pounding away at his next screenplay…

That would make an excellent movie!

Ruskies seriously need more first names, though. That’s a lotta Alexanders for one tale.