This rant seems too mild for the pit, so I’ll put it here.
Yet another night I have spent at my supposedly esteemed university in the south listening to my girlfriend rant about how much the chemistry department sucks.
She wants to be a researcher. The university caters to pre-meds. Thus those classes are the well-run ones, and things she needs to take are shitty. So she moans and complains. And I try to comfort her. But there’s nothing to do! The department is stuck in a rut. They have teachers that can’t teach the material. Talking to other Chem people, it’s all the same.
So tonight I was walking her back to her dorm room. We were discussing this. As we got there, I suggested that maybe she should transfer if this place isn’t right for her.
Now, we’ve been going out for about a year now, and this was no easy thing to even suggest. After I said it, she started crying on me. This kind of made me come to understand that she’d been thinking about it already, even if she hadn’t voiced it already.
How much I’m torn. I love this place. I love her. I can’t stand the thought of seeing her go. But on the other hand this place might not be the right one for her. And I need to encourage her to do what would be good for her long-term. It’s just crushing me inside. We live over a thousand miles away, and might never even see each other again if she leaves, certainly not on any kind of regular basis.
While we lasted over the summer not seeing each other, somehow I doubt this relationship could last when there’s no real hope for regular interaction for anytime in the forseeable future.
It’s depressing the hell out of me at the moment. I don’t want to finish out college without her around. Yet I know that it’s almost necessary for me to help her get the courage to leave. To copy and paste her LiveJournal post earlier tonight:
I feel like she’s almost calling out to me for help. And I can’t do what will make me happy. The right choice is inevitably the most difficult, sadly. I am still praying that somehow she works through this and can stay. But I feel like she’s already made the choice, and just needs help to go through with it.
I’m not particularly looking for sympathy or advice. I just felt the need to get this all out… 