Sad news from the North Pole

Santa’s wife beat him up and has filed for divorce.

She caught him sneaking out of the Ho-Ho Ho House.

Merry Christmas, fellow Dopers!

I ho-ho-hope you’ll all have a very happy ho-liday. :slight_smile:

I thought Santa only came once a year.

It’s his own fault, really. He’s become way too predictable. All she had to do to catch him was keep an eye on the chimney.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

What’s red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Sandy Claws.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

But when he does come, he’s gonna fill your stockings

Si

Who falls down the chimney on Christmas Eve with a sack of broken toys?
Santa Klutz.

That’s nothing – Jesus came once, and 2000 years later we’re all still waiting for him to come again!

This type of humor sleighs me.

There’s edging and then…there’s EDGING…

And when he does, he shoots up the chimney!

Santa goes all around the world in one night, finding every house…but people are always asking me if I found Jesus.

My answer is always “I didn’t know he was missing!”