Yesterday my wife went in for a regular ultrasound, and was told that she had miscarried. She was only 6 weeks along.
We’ve been trying for about two years to have a baby, so this hit us pretty hard. Yes, we consoled ourselves with the usual platitudes:
–it was early
–it was probably for the best
–it wasn’t our fault
–it happens to lots of women.
You know what? It doesn’t really help much. I know my biggest problem is that there’s no one to blame. If someone had caused this happen, I would beat them senseless, wake them up and beat them some more. But this happened because of some chromasomal error; how can I blame a gene?
We’re going to try again in a few months. I’m trying to keep a positive attitude, but it’s hard. Thankfully, we only told a few family members, so we don’t have to spend a lot of time spreading the bad news and handling sympathy calls. I just wish there was something I could do to fix it.
My brother’s wife, Shiloh, miscarried at 12 weeks two years ago. It was her first pregnancy. The doc said that first pregnancies have a 1 in 3 chance of miscarrying. Of course you’re right, this information didn’t help my family. We were devastated. The baby would have been my parents’ first grandchild.
The good news. A year ago the doc gave Shi the green light to start trying again. She is now five months along and doing fine and dandy. My brother is so excited. I get weekly updates on the bun and the oven.
In udda woids, Guy don’t let this get you too down. And don’t let it stop you from leaning on friends and relatives. That’s why they’re around.
Oh, Guy, I’m so sorry! My sister miscarried her first child also and it was really devastating to her and her husband. Good news is that they now have a vivacious, precocious little 3-1/2 year old twerp named Shelby. Next time will be better!!
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I’ve never been through anything like that, or known anyone who went through a miscarriage, so I’m a little at a loss for consoling words.
I hope you and your wife grieve and recover in good time and that you are soon blessed with a healthy child.
My condolences. Best of luck in your future attempts.
When my wife and I found out, she was only 5 weeks along. We were so excited we told everyone, even though we knew the sad statistics. Fortunately, she at week 30 now.
I looked in the mirror today/My eyes just didn’t seem so bright
I’ve lost a few more hairs/I think I’m going bald - Rush
I am SO sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine how awful you and your wife must feel…and I have no idea what to say. Sometimes things work out, and sometimes, they don’t, I guess…I really hope that things work out next time. You’re in my thoughts.
“…being normal is not necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage.”
How very sad, Guy. Please accept my sincere condolences for you and your wife.
My sister and her hubby tried for quite a while before they were blessed with 2 healthy boys within 10 1/2 months of each other. All the frustration and heartache were worth it in the end.
I lost my second pregnancy at about 8 weeks or so. I spent a couple of weeks being terribly depressed, and each month thereafter that I got my period I would cry, thinking that I was never going to get pregnant again. It took about four months, and then there was Middle Son. And then Youngest Son. (I do sometimes wonder if that would have been my girl . . . .)
I’m so sorry for your loss. And it IS a loss, even if there isn’t a body to bury, and it may be even more deeply felt by your wife than by you. She may be questioning her very ability to have a child at all, and blaming her body for what has happened. Make sure you give her extra loves and hugs and kisses for a while. And good luck.
Guy - I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Yes, there are many platitudes, and no, they don’t help. Don’t deny yourselves the grieving process. The two of you will bring each other through it, and out the othe side.
when i was thirteen my mom told me brother and i that she had miscarried a baby before we were born.
it broke my heart to think that i was supposed to have another brother or sister, but then i decided that i wasn’t supposed to have ANOTHER brother or sister. i was supposed to have THAT brother or sister. i mean, if the person in that baby didn’t make it the first time, then why not the second?
i’m convinced that first baby is my older brother, levi. he just had to try twice.
“human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust; we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” - albert einstein
Wow, 1 in 3?
I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was a week into my second trimester, actually, which is probably good since otherwise I’d have been scared the whole time.
A friend of mine miscarried her baby (the size of a plum, she said) in a bathroom at Disneyland. She tried to get it out of the toilet but it was an automatic one and flushed when she stood up.
I can’t imagine the loss you feel, but try to keep your spirits up and try again.
It’s rather a mixed blessing to have the early detection of pregnancy. Before, people didn’t find out until the 2nd or 3rd month for sure. Now, a fetus can be detected after just on week.
My wife and I found out at 5 weeks with a home kit. It was confirmed at a doctor’s office with a sonogram. All that it revealed was a hollow area in her uterus. As glad I was that we had finally conceived (after thousands of $$$ on infertility, we finally did it naturally), I would’ve been crushed had it not flourished.
Judges 14:9 - So [Samson] scraped the honey into his hands and went on, eating as he went. When he came to his father and mother, he gave some to them and they ate it; but he did not tell them that he had scraped the honey out of the body of the lion.
Don’t want to offend you with a hug, Guy, so here’s a manly slap on the butt. Don’t know the icon for that.
We also lost our first to miscarriage. It’s hard, and I have no magic words to ease the pain, but I do know exactly how you feel. Talk about it with your wife and feel free to mourn together. Like you said, the standard lines don’t help much. Though we did not opt for burial, we did treat it as a loss of a child. Denying or minimizing the emotional attachment you and your wife had developed for your unborn child can be harmful in the long run. I apologize if the wording here is poor, be assured the empathy is real.
i know it may not make it any easier, but what i’m trying to say is this: i don’t believe you lost who that child was going to be. just that maybe it wasn’t ready, yet.
when you do have a child, don’t wonder what the miscarried one would have been like. hold it and love it instead.
“human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust; we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” - albert einstein
My condolences. Best of luck in your future attempts.