hey Bryan & enigm4tic, I think you missed the first part of my topic, namely the “Safest/Simplest” bit.
thanks anyways.
Oh, trust me, you don’t want to see their MORE dangerous methods of opening beer bottles.
Might I suggest: http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/accessories/756e/
I’m confused. These are twist-offs, right? Why would you use the side of a table, a door hinge, rubber gloves, or a lighter for a twist off? I just twist them off. How are you inflicting injuries on yourself with a twist off? If your fingers can’t handle it (?) use your tee shirt. You could also push down on them from the top with your palm, and rotate the bottle with your other hand, using the friction from your palm to hold the cap in place while you twist the bottle.
Or, uh… What Monty said in post #11.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re thinking of the same kind of twist-off top that everyone else is thinking of. This is basically like a regular beer bottle top, but designed to be screwed on and off rather than pried off like a “conventional” beer bottle. While I wouldn’t say I’ve ever injured myself with one of these, I have managed to rub the web of my hand raw due to the pointy metal bits of the top as I twisted it.
Hmm…if a twist-off is really tough, I might use a tee-shirt. I’m still not seeing the difficulty here. Most of the suggestions here are good, and will work, but those are more geared to non-twist-off bottles. Seems like overkill to me.
I have encountered many a twist-off top that seemed to be designed with Heracles in mind. With sharp edges as well. After about the 10th sliced hand, I started wearing the belt buckle with the opener in it. Much easier on the hands.
Funny thing is, I just reached for a Goose Island, which is a twist off, and I had to use my tee shirt because it was, in fact, screwed on pretty damned tight. Still, tee shirts work fine for that.
True nuff, which is why I’m a big fan of my forearm-twist method. Requires no tools, takes only a second or two to do, and if you are talking to someone who is unfamiliar with the technique, you might be able to get them to go “Wait… what did you just do?”
Especially if you flex while you’re doing it, and then open the next one with your eyeball (cheek and brow, really).
I use a T-shirt sometimes, as others have mentioned, but if you do it too many times with the same shirt it’ll start to tear it.
If you drive to a picnic or tailgate party and forget your opener, the latch on many cars works as an opener in a pinch. Hold the cap behind the latch part of your open door, then push down on the bottom end of the bottle, just like a wall-mounted opener.
“Dang it, this button thingy will open my garage door, but it can’t open a beer!”
I have one of these and it’s perfect. In fact, go to your local kitchen shop or dollar store and ask for rubber jar-openers and that’s what they’ll sell you. Or there are no-slip rug pads that work just as well.
Here’s a photo and story about one of the types you can find in a kitchen shop.
I got one of the no-slip rug pads (you get them 4 to a card, they’re about 4x4") and I keep one folded up in my wallet and it has saved me much grief.
Don’t want to ruin your shirt? Use a piece of paper. Works about the same.
If you don’t have any loose paper handy switch your grip. Instead of putting the cap between your thumb and side of index finger try this. Hold the bottle with your right hand and point it to your left palm down. With your left hand palm down wrap your middle finger all the way around the cap and into the palm of your hand ending with a good portion of the top of the bottle in your fist. Hold tightly and twist down with your right hand.
Step one: Draw your saber…
You mean at least part of this, I assume, hypothetically. 
Do you normally carry keys? Lots of options for key fobs with a bottle opener function.