Same name as your ex, dealbreaker?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve started to date someone. It looks promising but it’s early in the process. One topic that has come up is that she has the same first name as my ex-wife. She asked me if it would be a problem for me. Quite truthfully it doesn’t bother me at all. But it’s been so long since I was with my ex that any hint of feelings has been long gone.

So what the hell I made it a poll. Would it bother you to start a relationship with someone who has the same name as your ex-spouse or significant other? Not bother you at all? Bother you but wouldn’t stop you from dating them?

2

It wouldn’t bother me, but it would get real confusing to ever talk about my relationship history with anyone. Particularly with the future Mrs SameName #3.

3

Could save you from some embarrassment when you accidentally call her by your ex’s name.

4

My Dad married two Betties, then after divorcing Betty2, dated Ann prior to marrying Jan, who once was married to Dan.

5

I’ve been divorced from 2 Roberts, same last initial and number of letters in their last name, w/ a 6.5 year age difference from me, both in engineering.
I don’t actively avoid dating Roberts now but I also believe I will never get married again.

6

I say could. But my husband’s first name is really common. If I put his name out of the dating pool there would be a lot less candidates.

7

I know a widow who married eight guys named Henry.

8

She wouldn’t have a Willy or a Sam?

9

Depends on which ex. :wink:

10

No Sam!

11

Without hesitation. It’s too silly a hangup to allow it to influence one’s life.

A name is ultimately an arbitrary label.

12

My policy is to discuss past paramours as little as possible in the context of a current relationship.

  1. There’s no good in it. I don’t want the current significant other to be comparing, favorably or unfavorably, herself. Our experiences are ours. The past belongs in the past.

  2. I want to get in the habit of not thinking about that person.

  3. I don’t want to create any fodder for arguments.

  4. Other things that just slipped my mind

I had a friend who had a sister, a first wife, and a second wife, all named “Rhonda.” So far as I can tell that’s all they really had in common other than him, and all being from the same small town.
His third wife has a different name.

13

Agreed on all counts.

14

Ex-spouses aren’t in the past. If you have kids they have to be a part of your life. At my age, in the context of a possible dating partner, I’m leery of anyone who was never married and had no kids. They simply don’t understand. So we discuss our exes because I have one daughter who lives with mine and her ex is suing for spousal support. It’s hard to avoid the subject.

15

The relationship is in the past. That is what I took it to mean. Yes, you have kids together so your ex will still and always be a part of your life, a life that will include new relationships. That doesn’t mean the past relationship should be discussed at length or compared to the new relationship. It’s the relationship that’s in the past, not the bond of parenthood.

16

90% of the girls I ever went out with were either a Debbie, Mary or Beth so basically no -------- I would be fine with another Mary if anything happened to my wife.

17

It wouldn’t bother me if the new girl had the same name as the ex, but it might bother me if she had the same name of my sister or mother.

18

I dated a guy with the same first name as my ex-husband–the same controlling, abusive ex who stalked me for years after I finally left him. The guy I dated was great, but I couldn’t bear calling him by the same name as my ex. I gave him an affectionate nickname and used that. He was fine with it.

19

I have never dated a Jen, so that makes it easy for me.

20

No problem. Saves the trouble and expense of getting the tattoo altered.