Inspired by a recent conversation, could you sleep with someone who happened to have the same name as a close family member (being immediate family, ie parent, sibling, child, etc.)?
Most of us probably associate the names borne by our close family and friends with those people first and foremost. For example, if your brother’s name is Matt, you might be a little squicked out by the thought of dating or sleeping with somebody named Matt, no matter how attractive Matt may be or how completely unlike your brother he might be, simply because you’ve spent your whole life thinking of Matt as your brother’s name. For other people, this may be a complete non-issue. Or perhaps somewhere in between - for instance, people with siblings’ names are alright but no way are you ever going to sleep with someone who has the same name as one of your parents or children because that would be just be too weird. Or maybe it’s okay if it’s your cousin’s name but no closer family than that, or ok so long as the name is spelt differently or you call them by a different version of the name (e.g. Matt instead of Matthew).
So, where do you draw the line between “It’s just a name” and “That’s kinda creepy”?
For me, I have slept with a couple of people who had the same name as a sibling, but it still kinda weirded me out just a little bit. Don’t have kids and have never had the opportunity to sleep with somebody with my parents’ names, but if such an opportunity arose, I think it would squick me out just a little too much. Anybody else’s name, no problem.
Given the amount of Javieres, Ignacios, Jaimes and Migueles “back home”, discarding all those and their equivalents just on the basis of “omg, just like my father/brother/uncle!” would almost have meant turning into a lesbian… and while Iggy is not as comon Elsewhere, Frank (all Javieres are Francises), James and Michael are.
Definitely not a problem for me. Or for Dad: my mother has the same name as her mother- and sister-in-law, this is why I got a different name.
I don’t think it would bother me. Reminds me of the Seinfield episode where George is dating a girl he just loves (she might be the one!). Then everyone realizes she looks just like Jerry!
Oh, wait, I did date a girl named Rosey Palm. Having “known” another Rosey Palm kinda killed it for me.
It’d bug me if it was a close relation. Cousins’ names are okay, but I would be squicked out if I was sleeping with someone with the same name as my mom, and I would probably be weirded out if I had sisters and dated someone with their name.
Oddly, one of my biggest problems isn’t same-name-as-family, it’s same-name-as-an-ex-wife-or-fiancee. I would be severely bothered by dating another Lindsey, Heather, or Sarah.
On the other hand, I had the same name as Lindsey’s dad, Heather’s brother, and Sarah’s grandfather. They not only didn’t seem bothered, it seemed to be kind of a turn-on for all of them. And I’m currently having a fling someone who’s got a brother with my name.
My mom has an unusual name, so there was little chance that would have ever happened. I have the same name as my wife’s brother, two cousins and two uncles. But I did have a girlfriend with the same name as my sister; it never occurred to me that it was weird. However, I did notice that I had a string of 4 or 5 girlfriends/SO’s that were female but had gender neutral names- Chris, Pat, Jamie, etc. My wife, in fact, also has a gender-neutral name.
It would have made things easier for me. As it was, every Christmas I’d be calling my brothers by the name of my husband, then catching myself, and after Christmas my poor husband would be going by my brothers’ names for several weeks. Hell, he’s lucky I didn’t call him Mom or Dad half the time.
If I’d ever been a mother, I would have been one of those who had to go through several of her kids’ names before she got to the right one.
My first boyfriend was named Mike, as are my dad and brother. I usually ended up calling him baby or honey, so it didn’t bother me that much. It’s a very common name, and I have known other Mikes, so it wasn’t that hard to divorce the concepts of “boyfriend” and “brother”.
It’s never come up for me, but I think it would be too weird to date someone with one of my siblings’ names. But someone with the same name as one of my parents would be OK - those names aren’t associated first and foremost with family in my mind like my siblings’ names are. I know my parents’ names, but that’s not how I think of them, they’re Mum and Dad to me. I don’t have children, but I’m fairly sure their names would squick me out worse than my siblings’ in a romantic partner.
If people couldn’t have sex with people who have the same first names as members of their family, Paul McCartney and a lot of his family members, would not be here. His maternal great-grandparents were Owen and Mary. Their son Owen married Mary and had his mother Mary. Paul later named his first daughter Mary. Mary married Alistair, while her sister Stella (named after both of Linda’s grandmothers) married Alasdhair.
Paul’s father’s second wife was Angela, as was his brother’s first wife.
Paul’s adopted daughter was Heather, as was his second wife.
I couldn’t have sex with someone who has the same name as the guy who abused me, but otherwise, it’s just a name. I’ve never dated anyone who shared my dad’s first name, but I don’t think it would bother me. It might bug me a little, but I’d probably give that person a new nickname that isn’t anything like any of my dad’s nicknames (if it could be said that he has any; I’m not aware of any).
It’s never happened, but I don’t think it would be a problem for me. Well, my dad’s got a dorky name, so it would be weird dating someone with that name just by virtue of the name alone, not the association.
I’m married to a man with the same name as a horrible ex-boyfriend. It was a little strange at first but they go by different nicknames so it’s not too bad.
My psycho sister’s last three partners have had the same name as my dead brother, over the span of about eighteen years. Not in an “Hey, I can’t help it if the right guy for me happens to have that name,” way, either - she has explicitly said that she is only interested in men named “Terry.”
For me, this is waaaaaay over the line into creepyville.
My brother is named Tom. His wife has a brother named Tom. Her sister also married a man named Tom. My brother’s daughter’s boyfriend is named Tom. Basically, every woman descended from my sister-in-law’s parents is sleeping with a man named Tom. Nobody seems to find it odd.
I was once rather in love with someone who shared my mother’s name, but it never did end up going anywhere (for other reasons). The thought of being with her did kinda bother me - I’d have ended up using nicknames in bed, I suppose.
I’m married, so this won’t come up for me as long as my wife and I are together (and I have no plans to alter that), but as an intellectual exercise, I’d say it wouldn’t bother me in the least. I’d notice it, of course (“Hey, what a coincidence–you have the same name as my late wife/sister/daughter,” and once that’s out of the way, I’d move on), but as long as we’re talking names, and not actual close relations (“Good god! You’re actually my long-lost sister?!”), I wouldn’t be bothered at all.
