I learned from our friend chagqq that some people (or at least one person) believe/s that in the 1700s Satan held a Great General Councilto set up his plans for destroying mankind. While Little Nemo informed us that you don’t want to be the person to take the last donut, my mind wondered what a council full of evil would be like. Who would be there? What food would be served? What would they discuss?
Well much has changed in the past 300-some years, and Satan is planning a 2nd Great General Council. Due to budget constraints there is only room for 12 councilors* to join him. He also needs some help planning this thing since the best wedding/party planners sold their souls to TV networks. So, who do you nominate and what details would you recommend in the way of food, activities, proposed ways to destroy humanity, etc?
I will begin by Godwinizing my own thread and nominating Adolf Hitler. I would also recommend that if things get too heated everyone takes a break and does a “trust fall.”
Your turn.
*Do to the fact that Satan prefers to avoid being seen in public the Council will be located in Hell; therefore only dead people can take part in the 2nd Great General Council. The living will have to wait for the next one.
If we define “plans for destroying mankind” as something along the lines of willfully sacrificing long-term goodness for humankind in general in return for short-term success for a very few, I nominate Col. Tom Parker.
He’s the guy that developed both leaded gas and Freon, and then was killed at the tender age of 55 by his own contraption to lift himself out of bed. The man who “had more impact on the atmosphere than any other single organism in Earth’s history.”
I’m certain he has many more inventions to continue his quest to destroy the Earth, but was taken from us too young.
Joseph Stalin for two reasons. He was a master at killing people using economic theories. Plus, Satan would get a lot of enjoyment from sitting him next to Hitler.
Chairman Mao is a possibility, but I think he learned it all from Joe.
For food, devils food cake, of course - but I’d also want to get in a big supply of Big Macs, since those are killing humans off left and right, in the US at least. It can be washed down with plastic-infused milk from China.
He died? They’ve done a good job of keeping it out of the news.
Of course there was the Simpsons Forbidden Donut episode in which Richard Nixon was allowed to serve on the jury of the damned even though he was still alive at the time because he owed Satan a favor.
Adolf Hitler seems a shoo-in, as he already almost did it once. Very smart politically and charismatic. Experience running an entire country and preparing it for global domination. Picking him probably gets you access to all of his underlings like Goebbels, etc.
Sticking with the WW2 theme, I’ll go with Shiro Ishii, head of the Japanese biological weapons programs in Manchukuo. Has both military leadership experience and microbiology knowledge.
Steve Jobs. Control over the American social arena. Like Hitler, he’s personally charismatic, and able to get millions of people addicted to his products. He was also a Buddhist, which no doubt appeals to Satan’s hatred of all things Christian.
I had Richard Dawkins (well known, widely read atheist) and Karl Rove (American political system control) listed, but guess they’re not allowed since they’re not dead yet. Neither one is especially young though…
What in hell has Dawkins done to damage mankind? Good solid atheist though, even though I didn’t much like his book on the subject. Joe, Mao, and Adolph make a pretty good triumvirate to get started with.
He invented chemical warfare with poison gas and oversaw the development of Zyklon A. Further, he developed the Haber(-Bosch) process to create artificial nitrogen products like fertilizer and explosives. Just by this, he prolonged World War One by over three years, since Germany would have run out of stocked saltpeter by the Summer of 1915.
Steve Jobs could handle the IT portion of the conference. Perhaps he could set up face time with living evil doers who want to attend. As for food, put Julia Child incharge of the menu.
