In short, 3 deeply dull fuckwits began a hate campaign against a local vicar, his wife and children. Now that’s sad enough, but the shitheads couldn’t even muster the imagination to do this in an original way, and resorted to nuisance calls and rude pictures on a church messageboard. Truly, Satan must be rejoicing to see society shaken by such profoundly evil acts. Either that or looking kind of embarrassed and mumbling how it’s a smear campaign by undercover christians trying to make his team look bad.
You would hope that by now they had plumbed the depths of their banality, but no. The gangleader digs to whole new depths whilst trying to defend his actions.
You know, I usually shake my head when I see people say things like “what I wouldn’t do for five minutes with that guy”. In this case though, I find myself saying it. Not for any violent reasons, but just so I could look at him, smile and say:
"You’re not a fucking vampire, you’re a deeply unimaginative turd with a grudge. If you really were a vampire, you might somehow have a slightly better job than hotel porter. And to be honest, that girlfriend of yours is less “mistress of the night” than “bogmonster from the night before”.
Now wipe the eyeshadow off, and go write a letter to that poor vicar and his family saying how sorry you are and how you won’t do it again."
Y’know, I have a friend/former co-worker, an Orthodox Jew, who used to tell me his dating war stories. One of them involved an observant Jewish vampire. I always wondered exactly how drinking human blood would fit into the whole keeping Kosher/not touching men to whom you are not married thing, but never had the guts to ask.
Of course, this is the same friend who once had a one-night stand and discovered in the morning that he had just slept with a nun, so maybe I should just give up trying to figure him out.
I’m glad y’all said it. When I’m confronted with folks like this (and it happens much more than I’d like it to), my brain kind of seizes up, and I just stare at them with a vacant, ‘What the hell are you talking about’ expression. Granted, sometimes it makes them all self-conscious, which can be fun to watch, too…
Oh, the vampires are nothing; you should check out some message boards were “therianthropes” hang out. Most of them are “werewolves”, but some are “weredragons” and “wereunicorns” and so forth. One werewolf that I confronted about his claim to be able to “p-shift” (Physically change shape) was met with a long string of excuses as to why he would not allow anyone to witness him changing shape, and declared that he prefers that I don’t believe him, for “doubt is my best defense.”
Twits. Vampires indeed. Who would have thought than an ancient work of fiction and story could sprout an entire movement of people who…hey…wait a minute…nah.
How can that be? Once people become vampires, or so the legend goes, they lose their souls. If a vampire doesn’t have a soul, how can that non-existent soul be reincarnated? Me thinks he didn’t think this through.
So if he’s a vampire and he’s appearing court during the day, is he wearing a thick cape whenever he goes outside? Or did the reincarnation process cure him of that little disability?
Here’s a question: I recently had a tooth out, and the warning packet stated that oral surgery patients may become nauseous from swallowing blood. Well, I did become very sick to my stomach, and I don’t think it was a reaction to the painkillers.
Don’t these vampires that merrily quaff one another’s blood get sick? Or is that part of the thrill?
My friend Arianne, from Highschool, dated a guy who honestly believed he was a vampire. She thought he was only kidding. He really thought he could fly. He also refused to come out during the day time. She just thought he was a whacky goth…
