People, please!
While I do agree that the distinction between asshattery and asshatery is important, you’re overlooking another vital issue here: the goat-felching police.
If police officers are indeed felching goats, well, that’s a private matter between the officer and the goat. But if police are going out and arresting goat-felchers, then what’s next? Will they lock up those people who enjoy teabagging horses? Those who perform blumpkins on the cat?
If goat-felching is outlawed, only outlaws will felch goats.