And the flip side may also be that she uses her attire as a litmus test against who she should date. You know, that if someone is turned off by what she obviously feels she needs to wear to work, then they don’t get to see the side that wears the thigh-high hooker boots boots with the PVC mini skirt and black velvet bustier. Because if someone doesn’t like her well enough, just on the personality, then they aren’t privy to all the facets of her personality. Just sayin’, for we know people use all sorts of pseudo tests to decide who gets past the front door.
Says faithfool, owner of overalls and a fuck-me pumps, but who decides what gets viewed on the first (and possible second) date.
In other countries, what do you call that ugly thing that Americans call jumpers? (Extra points if it has, say, birdhouses embroidered on it, and you wear a turtleneck and earrings with it that also feature birdhouses. I realize that as a public librarian I am at risk, and I am very careful.)
I definitely wouldn’t say the clothes were inappropriate. I assume she was being herself. And kudos to her for that. Wouldn’t it be worse if she lured you in with neutral jeans and plain tops, only you get back to her place, you peek in a closet (curiousity gets the best of you) and it’s all bunny jumpers and novelty sweaters?
My read is this woman really wants to be a mom. Also, she probably wants to be perceived as a morally good person. I dress a little bit like that, for no good reason since I’m not a mom or a teacher. I was raised in the midwest and I have to admit sometimes clothes like that just seem comfortable and appropriate. They don’t attract negative attention and people tend to perceive you as “a nice woman.” Perfect strangers are more than comfortable asking me to watch their belongings.
I do, however, have other types of clothes to wear when the cutesy and comfortable stuff would not be appropriate. My suggestion is first to ask yourself this: if you were in a long-term relationship with this woman, and that is how she dressed to go out shopping on a Saturday afternoon, would you be OK with that? If you would, then give her a second chance at an evening date, some kind of dinner & a play, or dancing type of thing where evening clothes with a little more vavoom are expected. If she rises to the occasion, maybe things will work out, and if she doesn’t, you’ll know you weren’t too hasty to judge.
I don’t think this should be a dealbreaker if that was the only problem you had with her.
Elementary teachers aren’t known for being well-paid, so maybe the cheesey stuff she wears for work is all she has.
A coffee date is supposed to be pretty informal, so a person might not give much thought to what they wear for it.
I remember your other posts about issues such as your hatred of “Kountry Kitsch”, “Mom’s hair”, etc. in the women you date. You seem to pay a lot of attention to these kind of details and honestly it does come across to me as a bit overly critical and negative.
Everyone is entitled to have their own standards for romantic partners (I myself am picky about some things that other people would think are trivial), but I think you might be pleasantly surprised if you tried not to let fashion/decorating sense become such a huge make-or-break criteria in your dating strategy.
She’s a grown woman who wears shirts with bunnies and rainbows on dates. As far as I’m concerned, that’s inappropriate.
If that’s her favorite outfit, that certainly doesn’t make it better. If not wanting to date someone who lacks the taste and self-awareness to realize that appliqued bunnies are *not * cute is shallow, then sign me up for the shallow end of the dating pool.
At one time during my early years of teaching, I was so poor I had three homemade dresses to wear and that was it. The principal wouldn’t let us wear slacks or short skirts of any kind and that was what most of my wardrobe had consisted of previously.
My personal tastes never ran to cartoon figures (except for Mickey on a T-shirt), but clothes are surface stuff if we choose for them to be.
elmwood, if you had been overwhelmed by her personal charm, would you have posted the OP?
“Inappropriate” to me is farther out of the bounds of convention than that. Her clothes were not chosen to deliberately insult or embarass anyone; so far as we can tell, there was no malicious intent. They were ugly, but so what. She just seems to have absolutely no taste in clothing.
Now, “must have taste in clothing” apparently is one of elmwood’s criteria - and if so, good for him for knowing what he wants. But failing to meet his list in this particular area does not make her “inappropriate,” just the wrong woman for him. He knows it, he can move on and find someone who dresses in a way that he finds more appealing and she can find someone who thinks rabbit appliques are cute.
I don’t know. She was nice and all, but I didn’t find myself swooning for her. I was wondeirng how much the teacher look would have contributed to turning me off. That, along with her short hair, made her seem … I don’t know, but it seemed to remove any element of sensuality she might have had.
A woman doesn’t have to wear fuck-me pumps or a little black dress for me to find her attractive – I mean, I don’t go all-out for weekend afternoon coffeehouse dates, and when a woman is wearing jeans or shorts or something that’s casual yet neutral, she seems more approachable. With the schoolteacher clothes and mom hair (even though she has no kids), I found it difficult to flirt with her and spark any sort of chemistry; it would have been like flirting with my aunt or a nun.
When I see jumpers like that, I think of 55-and-up short grey haired Unitarian women at farmer’s markets, garden centers and food co-ops. That, and teachers too.
I really pictured granny panties under those purple-pink slacks.
I don’t think that “inappropriate” indicates malicious intent. If you wear jeans to a wedding, it’s still inappropriate, whether you knew any better or not. There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone who knows better.
Sorry, but does anyone actually do that? It seems to me that anyone who purposely puts forth their weakest attempt hoping that a decent person will somehow want to pursue them anyway is setting themself up for a lot of let-downs.
I don’t know if anyone actually does that, although I’m sure someone must from time to time, but I was just advancing it as one more theory. That said though, as someone who has a nose ring, I wouldn’t have any problem not seeing someone a second time if they used that as an excusable prejudice about what they thought they knew of me.
So, although a lot of the time I wear nothing but a retainer, on a first outting I would definitely have no problem instead putting in my demure and dainty hoop for similar reasons. I mean, if that could send someone running for the hills in and of itself (as is their right), it is in my best interest to know that up front before I potentially get my heart broken. And still, if I encountered someone who did likewise, I wouldn’t think that meant they were putting forth their “weakest attempt,” nor that the person who said behavior was intended for was supposed to persue them anyway.
But that’s just me and I’d rather understand what I’m dealing with in advance (and that applies to almost all situations for me), because it helps me cope with all the other myriad problems I have on my plate.
elmwood: If we’re talking about a heterosexual dating scenario, and if she’s the woman, and if you’re a guy, and if she’s otherwise hot, and if you’re considering not seeing her again because of clothing choices,
