Screw the Bieber and Go to Jail. Priceless

[kaylasdad99]

@Argent_Towers

And thus begins the Great Canadian-American War. Start building your fallout shelters NOW.

Well, you know, sending him down here in the first place was the opening salvo…

[Muffin]

@Boyo_Jim

Does Canada have some kind of national DNA registry? I’m thinking there should be some kind of reputable agency where he could be tested once and the results kept secure and available, so he would have to get a new test every single time a new claim comes up.

The Conservatives are getting rid of it – the bill just went through second reading. http://www.parl.gc.ca/HousePublications/Publication.aspx?Language=E&Mode=1&DocId=5193892

Given that it only takes about $800 and a bucal swab, it will be interesting to see whether Bieber’s camp uses this to keep his name in the papers, or instead determines the matter by getting the test done in a few days.

[Muffin]

@Toucanna

Is it possible that Bieber hired a look-alike as a decoy so he can escape hordes of fans and that it was the decoy who had the “encounter” with Ms. Yeater?

Conspiracy theorists want to know!

Win!

[Boyo_Jim]

@Toucanna

Is it possible that Bieber hired a look-alike as a decoy so he can escape hordes of fans and that it was the decoy who had the “encounter” with Ms. Yeater?

Conspiracy theorists want to know!

It more complex than that. Mariah Yater hired a look-alike to go fuck Justin Bieber, but her look-alike was confused by his look-alike. She ended up buying one of those babies stolen by the Catholic Church, so the baby isn’t related by blood to either of them.

[voguevixen]

@Toucanna

Is it possible that Bieber hired a look-alike as a decoy so he can escape hordes of fans and that it was the decoy who had the “encounter” with Ms. Yeater?

Conspiracy theorists want to know!

No no I’ve got it:

There are dozens of Biebers that were created in a lab (much like there were multiple Lassies and "General Lee"s on Dukes of Hazzard) so they can cycle though them instead of working one Bieber to the bone.

This is obviously the work of a clone!

[x-ray_vision]

@aceplace57

19 and 16 is pretty reasonable. But, these crazy days I fear that the courts will bury this girl in prison.

According to the following webpage, it might depend on their exact ages.

http://www.ageofconsent.com/california.htm

If she’s more than three years older than the Beebs:

(c) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual
intercourse with a minor who is more than three years younger than
the perpetrator is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony, and
shall be punished by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one
year, or by imprisonment in the state prison.

and

(C) An adult who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse
with a minor at least three years younger than the adult is liable
for a civil penalty not to exceed ten thousand dollars ($10,000).

If she’s not more than three years older:

(b) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual
intercourse with a minor who is not more than three years
older or three years younger than the perpetrator, is
guilty of a misdemeanor.

and

(B) An adult who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse
with a minor at least two years younger than the adult is liable for
a civil penalty not to exceed five thousand dollars ($5,000).

[Polycarp]

@voguevixen

… instead of working one Bieber to the bone.

A rather unfortunate turn of phrase given the thread topic.

[voguevixen]

@Polycarp

A rather unfortunate turn of phrase given the thread topic.

Yeah. I actually caught it just before I hit “Post” but I decided to leave it up.
.
.
.
.
For 30 seconds.

[Alice_The_Goon]

I read that she’s on food stamps. I know that when you receive public assistance, you’re pressured to name the father so that he can be pursued for child support, relieving the state of some of the burden. Wonder how that conversation went.

Worker: So, what’s the name of the father?

Mariah: Justin Bieber.

Worker: :dubious:

[voguevixen]

lol - Justin’s manager Scooter Braun tweeted this a few hours ago:

great song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi_XLOBDo_Y&feature=youtu.be

Everyone was all: “Loooooool! I see what you did there!”

[voguevixen]

@kaylasdad99

Huh?

There’s nothing unusual about a teenager being able to go into a studio and churn out some auto-tuned crap.

Would you indulge me for a couple minutes to listen to him singing a capella?

This is only about 90 seconds long:

More recently…The “Baby” in this is a little weak (I don’t think he can sing that high anymore) but he nails “Mistletoe”. Again, just about 90 seconds.

[aceplace57]

The accusers lawyers on cnn.

No real new info, but at least some tough questions were asked. The cnn guy makes a good point that there was no need for salacious details about the actual sex.

Video News - CNN

[voguevixen]

@aceplace57

The accusers lawyers on cnn.

No real new info, but at least some tough questions were asked. The cnn guy makes a good point that there was no need for salacious details about the actual sex.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2011/11/03/exp-bieber-suit-attorneys-hln.cnn

Man, December 15th can’t get here fast enough for me. Supposedly she’s claiming she has “credible evidence” that this actually happened and I’m dying to know what it is.

[Inigo_Montoya]

@Dewey_Finn

Presumably, at some point, someone on his management or legal team must have sat him down and explained the problems that would result from an unintended pregnancy, and encourage him to either always use a condom (and take it with him when he’s done) or limit himself to masturbation. That’s gotta be an awkward conversation.

I’m trying to imagine how this would have gone with a young Rolling Stones band.

Mick was probably all, like, “Wait…there’s gonna be girls?”

[Ludovic]

@aceplace57

Ward, I think there’s something wrong with the Bieber.

@Cheshire_Human

I’d think any guy would want to shoot down that story. Preferably in 30 seconds or less. :((

@kaylasdad99

ETA: also, twenty years ago, that lady was an INFANT! OP, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. :eek:

Dang, it’s not often that I have THREE joke potentials and all of them taken!

[Cicero]

Musically Canada has a lot to answer for- Beiber and Celine Dion.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Anne Murray was Canadian either.

Fortunately there was Gordon Lightfoot.

I still think of Marie Dressler when I think of Canadian women.

[Infovore]

@Cicero

I wouldn’t be surprised if Anne Murray was Canadian either.

“All that hockey hullaballoo
And that bitch Anne Murray too!
Blame Canada!”

[aceplace57]

I guess Bieber’s people want to milk this story, or he’s worried about something. He just hired a Crisis Management Team.

He could have submitted a dna sample yesterday and taken most of the life out of this story. “I’m innocent and here’s my DNA. Lets do the paternity test. I’m not worried about the results.”

Justin Bieber Hires Crisis Management Team to Deal With Paternity Scandal

However, for someone who says he has nothing to worry about, Bieber is worried enough to hire crisis management bigwig Matthew Hiltzik of Hiltzik Strategies.

[Boyo_Jim]

I was thinking thinking it was a bullshit story, but if he’s hiring a battalion of spin doctors instead of providing a little spit on a swab, that’s got me thinking it actually happened. Not that the kid is necessarily his even if it did happen…

[Omniscient]

You know, I’d be pissed if a 16 year old mega-star worth tens of millions of dollars wasn’t banging tramps backstage. I mean shit, what the hell else is he supposed to do? Isn’t that the whole point of both being a 16 year old boy AND being a pop star?