Screw you, microbes!

I know you think you’re getting away with something, hiding in an olive dropped on the floorm or in the salsa bowl I left out overnight, or on an unwashed plate. But let me tell you something: I’m on to you. I know about your disgusting, microscopic copulation. I know all about your expansionist policies. I know all about the stink you plan to make. I’m on to you, and I’m still going to eat this damn olive! I’m still going to eat off this plate! I’m still going to dip this chip! I will knowingly toss you down my gullet, consequences be damned! If your punishment isn’t brought by the bubbling acids of my stomach, if you are somehow able to escape to the seeming security of my bloodstream, my white blood cells will hunt you down, one by one, like the low animals you are.

I will happily undergo whatever pain you might be able to cause me, because I will know that in the end, my superior defences will prevail! You may cause me to take an extra trip to the toilet, or a few extra naps. But know this - once roused, my immune system will not stop until every last one of you is destroyed and reduced to your component chemicals.

Arrogant little fucks.

Uh, go get 'em, tiger.


After making me snort perfectly good beer out my nose with that, MonkeyMan…May I offer you this moldy piece of bread to chase that olive with?

<Homer Simpson>

Hmmm… Microbes…

</Homer Simpson>

Yer pal,

Damn my compulsions.

With no desire to back this up in any form of traditional manner, I must say that:

Cleanliness, sterility, ultimate housekeeping, and the seemingly PC tendency to keep one’s environment as near to laboratory sterile as possible is vastly overated.

The body is a wonderful mechanism. Left to its own resources it will fight quite skillfully many of the banes that so many tout as major risks.

Attempts to prevent contact with what some might consider minor risks might vary well lead to a degree of susceptibility in the long run.

A house is clean if it looks clean.

Food is tolerable if it gives off no obvious warning signs.

Sterility, at times, seems grossly over rated.

I am not a Doctor

we are the microbes of captain amazing’s office. we snuck on the keyboard when he wasn’t looking. our 12,000th cousins colonized that olive. please, do not kill them. let them live. they are explorers, on a great mission, and someday, if not in their lifetime, their decendents will fulfill the dream. they will reach the sugar. oh, glorious sugar…let them live. do not kill the dream.

I see by his profile that MonkeyMan is a student…


Someone’s taking a microbiology class!!! Bwahahahaha!

The microbes respond:

HaHa MonkeyMan, once again you were stupid enough to ingest us! We laugh at your pathetic immune system! Right now we have our men attacking your intestines, I wouldn’t recommend going on any dates tonight! Be afraid, be very afraid MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Beg all you want. Laugh all you want. I will prevail!