I’d apologize for length but if you haven’t learned my posts are wordy by now you don’t know my name. This part is not related to the pitting itself (which, as a teaser trailer, will threaten [and not idly] litigation and teach you something of Highland history in the bargain), so if you want to get straight to the pitting, feel free to skip ahead.
Now then:
I don’t read the Dope very often these days as I don’t remember when I’ve been more busy. This month so far (and it ain’t over) includes but is not limited to:
*Moving from my own very full packrat’s apartment to my mother’s very full packrat’s house which in addition to the irritation that is moving requires a damned near brutal purging and disposing of my goods (anybody need any computer monitors? Teflon cookware? TONS AND TONS AND TONS of books that I’m sending into exile? Towels? 19th century opera advertisements? Lemme know and I’ll either give them to you or make you a super cheap price) which means constant back and forth 200 mile round trips from my place to her’s, most of them after midnight
*Trying to spend as much time as I can when I can with my dying mother (pardon the melodrama but it’s a statement of fact) whose rapid mood swings as she adjusts to the notion of her death are epic, and this requires about 90 minutes per day on the phone and an occasionally 400 mile round trip whenever I have 2 consecutive off-days
*Dealing with a complicated but potentially very lucrative legal matter on an altogether unrelated matter
*Starting a new job where my predecessor left some while ago and thus dealing with a mountain of assorted work that’s gone begging in the interim
*Quitting my previous job and having to deal with the world’s most bureaucratic network of retarded dwarves who have made a mess of my IRA
*Dealing with the mondo annoying side effects of a new medication for a neurological condition
*Dealing with a sick dog, a faulty trash disposal, a remarkably strange family and a side-plot involving a pregnant friend’s need for stone ground oat and hominy blend all in the bargain
Consequently, though this post is several days old (and I think- I’m not sure- I may even have posted to the same thread after it was made) it has only today been brought to my attention.
How it was brought to my attention I’ll leave for a far more vicious Pit Thread, though I will say this: Excalibre, my little Chaim Rumkowski-in-search-of-an-atrocity-wanna-be liebling if you are not emailing me [and I honestly don’t believe you are] you may or may not be interested in knowing that some buds of yours from “another website” are and they are claiming to be you; if I’m mistaken and it really is you, please let me know in this thread [and whether it’s you or not emailing me I just want to tell you how much I’d love to hold your hand and kiss your cheek while a sexy young skinh… oh, wait, we can’t wish that on somebody, so never mind- Happy Monday, then.)
So that’s why the post in question is several days old but I haven’t responded til now. And this will be my longest pitting of an individual Doper ever so stick around, take your shoes off, have you some smoked almonds and get ready for the wordiest ass chewing over one Doper libelling and insulting the dying mother of another this little ol’ Message Board has ever done went and seen!
We’ll be right back after this message from our sponsor, “The All Pleather Shiatsu and Cunnilingus Simulating Wonder Chair” with celebrity spokesperson The Late Jerry Clower (“Yooowwwwwww!”)
[DISCLAIMER: THE ABOVE WAS NOT TRUE. I AM NOT AFFILIATED WITH JERRY CLOWER IN ANY WAY AND USE HIS NAME WITHOUT PERMISSION. THE REST WAS TRUE THOUGH, INCLUDING THE PART ABOUT SCOTTISH CLANS SOMEHOW BEING RELEVANT. I CAIN’T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM DUKE BOYS NEXT…