Now my mother has really pissed me off

The BBQ Pit
1

This is kind of in tune with my IMHO thread about being treated like the baby of the family.

So I decided to give the old woman a call last night, to talk about stuff, and I mentioned DopeFests. She had a problem with the name, so I had I explain its origin: a column started in 1973 called “The Straight Dope,” that answered rather obscure questions. I made it very clear that it had nothing to do with marijuana or any other drug. Then I told her I went to TorDope and had an amazing time, and that it was good for my mental health. Sure, I had never met these people, but come on, I’m 30, I can make my own fucking decisions.

The clincher came when I told her I will be hosting three other Dopers for Doperéal. She didn’t like the term “Doper,” especially since I told her we’re generally an intelligent bunch.

Look, honey, I didn’t come up with the term.

I wake up this morning to a message from Mommy Dearest, saying that she had discussed this with my father, and they don’t think that “Doper” is good for my professional life (professional life - ha!), and that she knew I’d be annoyed at her (I am), but to please call her back.

Oh, fucking come on. If I were to call her back right now, I’d probably lay into her with vitriol, make her cry, and what not.

Maybe I shouldn’t have told her anything - mea culpa - but I wanted to tell her about good things in my life, and this is one of them. I don’t want to go back to the days of censoring what I say to her. Example: I went to NYC, camped out on West 41st St., and got a front row ticket to see RENT. It was amazing, and I was so happy. Is the “happy” part not the whole point? I live like a fucking urban hermit, so when I do get out, it’s good for me.

So call me a Doper, dammit.

I might call her later, when I’m less pissed off.

2

You kids today…you’re all on dope.

3

You camped out to see Rent???

It’s just as well you didn’t tell her about that one.

She may have had you committed for camping out to see the most overrated play on Broadway.

4

You’d think she’d be happy you were involved with something “straight.” Doesn’t she want grandchildren?

5

I’m not sure what the problem here is. Dude, you’re 30! At some point, you need to separate emotionally from your parents and assert your adulthood. If your parents have a problem with the word “Doper,” too friggin’ bad! Lusten to them, say, “Yes, Mom & Dad,” and then do what the hell you want.

6

ROFL! Imagine if the other part of ‘Straight Dope’ had caught on!

“Mom, I went to TorStraight this weekend, and I’m thinking of heading down for the big VegasStraight and meeting a bunch of other straighters in October.”

“How nice, dear. I’ll tell your father.”

7

Ummm… Scott, per Gobear’s point she’s an uncomprehending old lady. Why do you want to got to war over this? Her nattering, little old lady concern about for your “professionalism” should be funny and slightly endearing, not aggravating. What’s the big deal. You need to get out of the house more.

8

She doesn’t like you hanging around with intelligent people?

Not to sound like I’m gloating scott, but the whole time I was reading your OP all I could think about was how cool my mom was about this sort of thing. She never had a problem with anything like this - to give you my favorite example, shortly after I graduated from college there was a Star Trek convention in Chicago, and when she heard an ad for it on tv she wrote down the information number and passed it on to me just in case I hadn’t heard about it.
I was the oldest so I wasn’t her “baby” but one of my college roommates and best friends was an only child. His mother was constantly on his case about everything he did; we used to joke about it but I think it was part of the reason he moved from Cleveland to Chicago.

9

I’d like to find her nattering amusing, but none of you have been on the receiving end of a phone call from my mother where she’s crying and sputtering about whatever.

I was just only trying to tell her that I have a nice social outlet with people I see every now and again. Unfortunately, that entailed having to reveal the origin of said outlet. Maybe I shouldn’t have used the term “Doper,” but I did. Knowing my mother (I love hear dearly, don’t get me wrong), she’s probably been conferring with my father all weekend about this.

And as for the part about her wanting grandchildren, she already has five. To boot, she’s told me if I ever was to adopt (this is assuming that one day I’ll lead a responsible lifestyle, which is now becoming less probable), that she’d accept my kids as her own grandchildren.

I’m less pissed off now, but I really think it’s ridiculous how she freaks out on me about things like this. I mean, when I put the theme from “Shaft” on my voicemail, she flipped out. Come on, I was a student. It wasn’t like anyone important would be calling me.

10

My parents are amused by it. My mom wasn’t even fazed when I went to my first Dopefest. She was more worried about me being able to get home.

11

Ai-ya!

I was 30 in 2002. Before the election, MamaRilch and I were discussing the possible outcome. She seemed to be assuming that I was going to vote for Candidate X. After a slight hesitation, I said, “Actually…I’ve decided to vote for Candidate Y.”

She did not take this well. I forget how the rest of the conversation went, but I do remember that she fired off an e-mail shortly afterwards, stating, “You’ve obviously been taken in by the propaganda that blah blah blah…”

I gave her an hour or so to cool off, then called back. In a calm tone, I informed her, "Mom, I’m 30 years old and this is my fourth time voting in a presidential election, plus more state and locals than I can remember. It’s been a long time since we both went to the polls in Joliet, IL, for my first vote in the '88 primary. At that time, I freely admitted that I was voting for Paul Simon, as you were. Not simply because you were voting for him; it was my idea. But at the time, I got a lot of my ideas from you.

"I’ve grown and changed a lot since then. And you no longer know precisely what I think. The motivations you attributed to me in your e-mail are very far from accurate. But even if they were, there’s still nothing you could do about it. I thought I was old enough now that you would respect my right to an opinion that differs from yours. I’m sorry to find out I was wrong.

“You didn’t like it when your father would tell your mother how to vote. You said she might as well not have the vote if she only listened to him, and that you only hoped she still made her own independent choice when she was in the booth. So why should it not be the same for me?”

Amazingly, or maybe not, she backed down, with only a parting shot of “If Candidate X loses in California, I’m holding you responsible!” Luckily, the clusterfuck that did happen took the heat off me.

So scott, d’you think your mom would react well to a similar speech?

[tangent]Ah, the first voting experience. I stepped into the booth, pressed the button, and shkkkk! The curtains closed and the whole world was outside. My mom wasn’t in there, telling me what to do. My dad wasn’t in there, belittling me. My so-called friends weren’t in there begging me to do as they did, and my detractors weren’t there to mock me. Just me and those stiff levers that you push down firmly and it’s done. No hanging, pregnant or dimpled anything. My virginity didn’t go till the following year, I’d already tasted alcohol but wouldn’t be able to legally purchase it for another three years. But that day, I stepped into the booth as a kid and emerged an adult.

Why did they do away with the levers? And the curtains! You gotta have the curtains![/tangent]

12

You voted for president in 2002? Even by FLorida standards, this is a pretty late ballot…

13

Can’t you just point Mom to the website, or buy her one of Cecil’s books and let her make her own decisions?

14

She has made her decision and now is trying to change scott’s on the basis of that.

Giving her a book might change her mind, but why bother?

It is scott’s life and scott’s choice.

What the problem looks like to me is that his mother is trying to exert control.

15

:smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack:

I meant 2000! You know I meant 2000, right? :o Jeez, I’m glad she didn’t see this!

16

I think our parents have just heard too many damn horror stories about meeting people on the Internet.

I’m planning a trip to Europe with my parents next May, and while we’re in Amsterdam I would be thrilled beyond belief to hang out with Coldfire and the rest of the Dutch Dopers. When I told her I knew some people in Amsterdam and that I’d like to go out with them one night, she was OK with it until I told her they’re people from my message board. You’d think I was going to be abducted by a band of roving thugs!

Despite the fact that I’ll be 21 years old and a college graduate by the time we get there, she still seems to think that I need to ask her permission to do things. I’m the baby of my family too, Scott, so perhaps they’re just bemoaning their loss of control over their unmistakably hipper and more daring offspring. :slight_smile:

17

Because a) fighting ignorance is what Dopers are about and b) royalties, royalties, royalties!

18

No way in hell am I directing her to the site or to the boards. She knows I refer to myself as scott evil, and given the amount of personal (sometimes TMI) stuff I divulge here, she’d flip.

As in, it would be some speaker-phone conversation with her and my father, and they’d drive up to Montreal or something. (If they were to do that, I wouldn’t let them into the building.)

I’m just going to let it go. She said she realized I would probably be annoyed by her opinion, and I haven’t called her back, so I think she gets the point that yes, indeed, she pissed me off.

And it’s not like I skip around the office going “Yay! I’m a Doper!” :rolleyes:

She might think that by expressing her concern that she’s looking out for my own good, but she’s a) pissed me off, b) shown that she has a problem with my choices in life and judgment in general, and c) reinforced the fact that I’m still being treated like a baby.