Those are pretty Damn good, ** Tucker**
Posted by furryman
I imagine that we would have to have a composite of Guinan and Sam Malone manning (womanning? it-ing?) the bar. The 25th-century decendent of Woopi and Ted Danson’s love child, perhaps?
Oh, and Tuckerfan those are perhaps the best ideas yet…
And the Ferengyi(sp.?) would get rich by selling only Lite beer or beer without alcohol (and telling everybody that it is the real stuff).
And that Roaring 20s planet would be full of speakeasies and a turf war reminiscent of Capone & Moran would be going on.
How about:
In Stein Trek II: The Bath of Kahn, Kahn tries to convience the crew that beer should be for bathing, not drinking.
Stein Trek IV: The Voyage Home has the crew, drunk, returing to Earth but in their condition they end up in the 20th Century!
In Stein Trek V: The Finest Beer, Sybok commandeers the ship by having Kirk, Spock & McCoy arrested as being drunk and disorderly, then goes on a fruitless quest to find the finest beer.
Finally, in Stein Trek VI: The Rediscovered Drunky, the Klingons face the prospect of all their breweries closing, forcing them to admit that Federation beer isn’t so bad after all.
On Stein Trek: TOS, there would be the episode in which a transporter accident splits Captain Kirk into two people, one of them a happy drunk and one a mean drunk (neither of whom could function by himself as a complete, well-balanced drunk until they are re-unified into a single person); the episode in which a transporter accident sends several crew members into an alternate reality where an evil Empire rules instead of the Federation, and everyone drinks vodka instead of beer (and the vodka is of poor quality, and is rationed to boot); and the episode in which Kirk, Spock, Sulu, and Uhuru’s personalities all swap bodies*. All of these would illustrate the dangers of Transporting While Intoxicated.
[sub]*Okay, technically this one was from the cartoon series, the episodes of which were novelized by Alan Dean Foster.[/sub]
On Stein Trek: TNG, Wesley Crusher would always be getting into humorous hijinks involving fake I.D.'s.
On Stein Trek: DS9, Odo would spend a lot of time trying to find Quark’s illegal still. All of the other characters–including Benjamin Sisko–would humorously collaborate with Quark, even while pretending to help Odo. Jake Sisko would also spend a lot of time in pursuit of a good fake I.D.
On Stein Trek: Voyager…Hmmm…Seven of Nine…Seven of Nine drunk…Hmmmmmm…
And here I was hoping it would be a great Jewish odyssey. Missions would include hunting for the Maneischevicz (which I know is spelled wrong) discount outlet store, and watching the whacky hijinx that ensue when the replicator tries to make kosher pork shoulder.
I think I really need some coffee.
I suppose this is what the crew would order when some hostile entity has taken over the ship and they need to pull the plug on the main computer. Potentially even more effective than the old “Calculate pi to the last digit” or “This statement is false” ploys.
ME, I had completely forgotten about the obvious implications of having an always-inebriated crew running all that stuff. Either Spock, Data, Odo and Tuvak would have to bail out the rest of the crew every episode, or each ship/station would have life spans measured in nanoseconds. Talk about self-limited television. Maybe they’d all be miniseries?
Guest starring on these TNG and DS9 episodes (and perhaps serving as Technical Advisor) would be
[drum roll] Jenna Bush [/drum roll]
and her Secret Service detachment would be in TOS red shirts, so you just know what their life expectancy is…
Yeah, they do make that Romulan Ale, which is blue.
Star Trek IV could feature the hilarity of Chekov standing on a corner in San Fransisco asking random passers-by where the wodka is… “excuse me, can you tell me hic vhere is ze wodka? I am looking for ze wodka!”
And don’t tell me that Spock hadn’t been hitting the Romulan Ale before he allegedly communicated with Gracie (or whomever) the whale…
*“she is pregnant”
“How did you know that?”
“She told me. Pass the bottle of schnapps.”*
riiiiight.
And the constant drinking would explain why Voyager’s Chocotay has that tatoo over his eye … but you should see what Janeway’s is … and where! Launch the Photon Torpedos, full spread!