Garth has pupated. After last month’s programme, he climbed up one of the stanchions for the lighting rig, and refused to come down. His family were called in, but their entreaties were for naught. The former darling of White Hart Lane merely hung there, upside down, and stared his amphibian stare. The days went by. The set became Watchdog, then Question of Sport, and on into See Hear. Throughout, cameramen were told to crop close to their subject, as too wide an angle might reveal Garth, upper right, observing impassively from his vantage point (indeed, Sam Torrance was so unnerved that he need a few stiff whiskies before enjoining Ally McCoist in sport-related sparring). An unpleasant smell begins to develop, forcing The Sky At Night to shoot its Leonids Special elsewhere due to Patrick Moore’s sensitive olfactory system, and a leathery chrysalis encases Garth’s body leaving only those sleepy, staring eyes which can see into your very soul gazing out from the giant pupae…
Subjects for the festive season:[ul][li]Scum: “Where’s yur tool?” “What fackin’ tool?” BOK! “This fackin tool!”. The ManYoo boardroom becomes the scene of a violent but uproariously funny set-to between His Alcoholiness Lord Ferg and a major shareholder over who owns which end of a horse. Cue headlines including the words “Alex Ferguson” and “horse’s arse”, with a picture of each to allow readers to assess their similarity, as the nation dreams of belting him round the head really hard with a snooker ball in a sock.[/li][li]Eurodraw Reaction: France, Croatia and Switzerland cack their collective keks at the might of world-beating Englan…sorry, wrong sport. We know about France, but what is the “Straight Dope” on Croatia and Switzerland?[/li][li]The Chelski Revolution. Can they do it? L’Arse were fortunate to beat them, and did Sunday’s performance genuinely set them up as England’s second team? [/li][li]Spurs. “Vegetarians? I shit 'em” Carling remarked to Archer as he handed over a sausage, no strings. Meanwhile, in the potting shed…[/li][li]The Drop. Leeds must go into administration before May to avoid starting next season on -10 (minus ten) points (should they require administration after relegation). Administrators would simply pay creditors as best they could: all decent players would be sold within a month. Any Leeds fans here deserve our support for having to make such an impossible choice. Why would any manager even think of taking such a job? Also, it breaks this Red’s heart to see Everton in the bottom three: Where be your spotty, illiterate homunculus hero now? Nil satis nisi Nationwide.[/li][li]Straight Dope Fantasy League. Previous month-winners Skopo and manwithaplan drop, Villarly, whilst London_Calling surges ahead like a steroidal Canadian. I aim to invent three new adjectives before the end of this list.[/li]Making books. Canny flutters, wily wagers and Leah Betts: Cunning punts from punning clowns, or, how to lose a lot of money by following bad advice.[/ul] Plus, anything and everything you wish to chip in no matter how tenuously it relates to the beautiful game.
No, no. It’s OK. You lot in the Premier League just mosey along, with your money-laundering Saudi Sheiks, and your leaking £30m a week.
Meanwhile, up here at the top of the 2nd Division, I’m getting a nosebleed. The view is fabulous!
Ian Holloway - legendary football mind, if only it could control his tongue in the post-match press conference* - cobbled together a team of plodders, cloggers and no-marks on tuppence ha’penny, and has turned them into a team - a force to be reckoned with. Proper football.
Now, somebody move my hand to the wall - I’m not good with vertigo…
*I’m sure you heard the “To put it in gentleman’s terms…” quote. This weekend’s shining golden nugget was lavishing praise on our long-haired right-back: “People say Gino’s a gypsy. But I assure you he doesn’t live in a caravan. He’s got a proper house. With foundations.”
The loveable loony.
Let it free, I beseech thee! The post-match interview has been a dark and barren wasteland of bland mediocrity since Brian Clough retired, only briefly illuminated by Ruud Gullit’s merciless treatment of Garth Crooks and Kenny Dalglish’s sheer incomprehensibility.
I loved the “taking a lady home” analogy, and it is good to see that Mr. Holloway looks like making a career of it. As for QPR, yes I thought they were too good for Div. 2 last season and automatic promotion is a shoo-in assuming the same quality.
Im much more hopeful of Bolton avoiding The Drop again this season after recent performances. Hope they can weather their next 6 games, some real stinkers coming up
In the cup that really matters THFC have the honour of hosting Man City tonight. Always a “lively” affair.
I would really really love it if we could beat little Kev and Safehands.
l how the mighty fall…We are desperate to win the League Cup to get into the UEFA cup and the filth win 5-1 in the same competition with a team of reserves. Not fair.
On another note I think Sepp Blatter is right (cut those words out and keep them - they don’t get used often) about Riogate. He should have been suspended sine die from the moment he failed to take the test. The duck-faced fool.
Spurs are to make an “announcement” about the manager at the THFC plc AGM on 11/12. I will be going as it’s always a fun afternoon.
I think the ton I stuck on curbuishley has gone south.
And regarding the drop…
We have Wolves on Saturday and that is an absolutely must win match for us as our next two are Newcastle (who have a lot of penetration in their side) and Man Utd.
We could be in the bottom four in ten days time.
I get the feeling that after being on the recieving end of a 5-1 drubbing at the hands of our Schoolboy XI last night they may be reluctant to roll over for you though…
I suspect that iversen may score. I have forgotten what that looks like.
maybe you could ask them if they’ll swap him for postiga?
Bloody foreigners innit. We’re always getting mugged off by them.
i think if they score a goal it voids their contract.
BREAKING NEWS…
Inter the Dragon has been rejigged and re-hashed. Now watch it drop down the SDMB Fantasy Football League table faster than a Sheik-less Leeds…
I think I’ve concluded Ranieri is going to have Chelski win the Premiership playing Seria A football, he’s certainly got the defence for it.
As I haven’t said it in this thread yet; John Terry for a Knighthood, anyone ? I can’t believe how he improves with (seemingly) every day that passes – now it’s his pace . . . who should partner him with In-Ger-Land, Rio (assuming he’s ‘available’) or you-know-who ?
I sense the famed David Pleat diamond will be making an appearance at some point over the next few days (if we’re not in the lead); Robbie Keane at the point and both Postiga and Zamora up front.
There’s no way I’m punting on this but . .extra time tonight ?
Extra time, penalties and a very long tube ride home.
I hope we win, obviously, but I can easily remember when we didn’t even ENTER the league cup as we thought it was below us.
I bet we enter the inter-two-bob cup as well this year.
(The reason why we didn’t last year, apparently, is that the South African tour was actually more lucratitive than a reasonable run in the UEFA cup. Sponsorships and telly eh?)
I haver recommended this book before - but it’s now out in paperback - “Broken Dreams” by Tom Bower - and examination of football finances. It’s not an easy read - Bower is a forensic accountant, not a natural writer, but full of very interesting and informative stuff. Highly recommended.
Terry Venables wouldn’t thank you for mentioning it though.
Well, hopefully we can see them off in normal time; it’s a great time to be playing them (as they’re all over the show) . . . fingers crossed. I thought a run in this pot may ease the cash flow a little but, from what I understand, this is a freebie for Season Ticket holders, isn’t it ?
I also noticed the Half-Season Tickets went on sale yesterday . . . I’m half tempted but I expect the seats are rubbish. Still . . . maybe.
Yep, 7 Sisters to East Putney/Southfields after several pints . . . cross your legs and think of England, dear oh dear . . . . rather you than me.
Fwiw, I fancy us to not concede. Maybe Postiga could actually get off the mark . . .
That book youi mention, is that the one where Joan Collins gets done in a lift ?
raises hand sheepishly
Everton fan here. Thanks for your charming words of support SentientMeat. Sixteen years of my unswerving support and what happens?
What happened to wonderkid? I keep telling myself that it’s early days, but when you’re cosying up alongside potless Leeds and useless Wolves…
sigh Pass the hankies, please…
Only joshing with you, SJSB. My animosity towards all things blue has lessened considerably since I left Scouseland some years ago, to the point where I was genuinely pleased that EFC stayed up on the last day a few years ago.
That said, I’ll probably be back in the motherland at the end of January when that old passionate sectarianism can come flooding back for the derby.
This is the last cup game that season tickets cover. There will still be a decent walk up crowd though, and we get a sky fee. And I will probably buy a pie or two.
The website used to have a facility where you could check the location of the seat before you bought it. If you go to the ticket office in person they will take you into the ground and show you the seat (desperate? Us?) .
The book you’re thinking of is Jimmy Hill’s autobiography (she asked him to kiss her somewhere dirty and he took her to coventry).
There is this brilliant letter (go to the section labeled “One Man’s Penalty Obsession”) to football365.com regarding the Chelsea-ManYoo game and the penalty that everyone not named Sir Alex agree was a penalty.
The letter writer disects the penalty with the same vigorous attention as a Kennedy Conspiracy theorists reviewing the Zapruder tape. His final conclusion:
You can also read reaction to this letter, here.
Noone has mentioned last weekend’s matches?
There isn’t much to say about Arsenal’s game, crushed Fulham but failed to score, it happens.
ManU seems to lack creative midfielders and for some reason Fergie thinks Forlan is good enough. Chelsea played a good game but didn’t impress anyone.
13 points from Chelsea to Fulham on 4th and 11 points from Fulham to Leeds on 20th.13 teams can still have a very good season or be relegated.
One of the youngsters playing for Arsenal last night is my kind of player:
(From here )
Olafur Ingi Skulason (defender/midfielder, aged 20)
Pub Fact No 1: The Icelandic youth international turned down a move to Tottenham because he has always been a Gooner.
L_C and owl do you want Rivaldo?
All of a sudden the sun is shining the birds are singing and he world is a beautiful place; Kanoute’s back ! Postiga gets his first goal ! Anderton kicked the ball hard with his left, yes left boot (and even and scored with it) ! Spurs look dynamic and penetrative!
Well, for one half anyway. And there was the slight problem of seeing Poyet in the team (with Anderton), second half tactics and Pleat continuing with his rehabilitation of Gary Docherty . . . which I’m far from convinced about . . .
But we’re through to a decent payday vs. ‘Boro at home in the quarters, and the distinct possibility of another payday after that . … almost all good!
What say ye, Owl ??
I did when this first came up a couple of months ago. Now I worry that he looks like a man chasing as many paydays as he can in the twilight of his career; looking at what he and his representatives are saying, the move to England is all about money (all this crap about $million offers from somewhere in the Middle East . . .bleh!).
That doesn’t have to be a bad thing (J. Klinsmann), but there are enough examples of older players coming here - and clubs being suckered by their reputations into making decisions they regret - for me to be very wary.
I’d also like to know more about why it hasn’t worked out for him in Italy – but we’ll never get the truth of that.
I dunno, I did like the idea but now it smells a bit off.
Gangster Octopus - Yep, good analysis but I didn’t think it that insightful; Cole was always looking to go down but . . . aren’t they all ?
One And Only Wanderers - Have you changed your user name at all - just that I remember a thread about someone going to Bolton vs. Blackburn, but the name was different. Not you ?