So I find myself in your city or town, wherever you may be in the world. I want to be able to walk into a pub or bar and ask for a beer without looking like a pillock. Not necessarily the wonderful little microbrewed drop you love, or the beer that’s hip this year. Rather, whatever mainstream, popular, unadventurous beer I can ask for fresh off the plane without overhearing the local rednecks’ “Who IS this asshole?” when I falteringly ask “Uh… one… beer please…”.
I’ll start off with Sydney (not applicable to other Australian cities):
“A schooner of New, please”.
This’ll get you a 425ml glass of a cold, sweetish Aussie lager. There are a few other variants, any of which will not cause any guffaws of raised eyebrows, but I’ll keep this thread simple and just provide one. This is the beer you drink while you listen to what the locals are asking for. You can get adventurous later.
From Denver Colorado; Coors, Coors light, Bud or Bud light would be in most bars. A Mexican populated bar might only have Tecate in cans. But for something a little more to my personall liking ask for a flat(Fat Tire by new Belgium brewing) or a 90(90’s Schilling by O’dells) that’ll be a pint or bottle, depending on what they have.
In The Netherlands you just ask ‘Biertje!’ (phonetic: beertje). This is used in a well-known commercial at this time, but is actually standard reference for a simple beer from the barrel. The alternative is ‘ilsje’. For some reason or another various Dutch subcultures insist on you only using one of those, but I use them interchangably. If you want more than one, just hold up the correct number of fingers; mostly it is too noisy to hear you properly anyway (and with more than one, you ask for ‘bier’ (just pronounced ‘beer’), like: ‘Vier bier’ (four beer).
Both are used to order the standard beer that is ‘onder de tap’ (below the counter, gotten straight from the barrel).
For sizes you may try to ask for a ‘vaasje’ (‘vasje’, but with a longer drawn ‘a’), which is a bit larger glass, or a ‘fluitje’ (smaller glass). Do not ask for a British style glass.
If you want to show you know more about it: either ask for a ‘witbier’ (‘vitbeer’, white beer), which is opaque, often served with lemon, and nice on a warm day.
Dutch people who are really ‘into’ beer prefer Belgian beers. Since that is a entire branch of knowledge of its own, I won’t go into that.
Summarizing: for a good impression, try: “een witbier, alstublieft”. (ayn vitbeer, al-stew-bleeft) A white beer, please.
Of course, all this preparation won’t help you one bit. After you mumble ‘Een biertje, alstublieft’, the barman/woman will reply in perfect English: ‘Here you go. That will be * Euro, please.’
In England, people who drink bitter are likely to order by brand (because they take their beer more seriously than lager drinkers), but since there is no single brand that is for sale in all pubs in any city you’d be better off asking advice behind the bar. Your accent notwithstanding, the staff wouldn’t assume you were straight off the plane, you might just be from a different part of town. In fact, in London the bar staff might well be from your neck of the woods anyway.
Since you’ve already said you’re a lager drinker instead, you’d just ask for “a pint of lager”. That would get you a 568ml glass of Carling, Carlsberg or Fosters (unfortunately).
Well, here in Western Pennsylvania you would be safe ordering Iron City, IC Light, Rolling Rock or Yuengling. You’d also do OK ordering a glass (short or tall) of anything on tap.
In Italy - Una bionda (media or grande) - a blond (medium or big), usually you’ll get Ceres or Heine. Una birra (a beer) will get you a Moretti and Guinness is simply Guinness
In St. Mary’s County just ask for a ten ounce. Twizer (Bud) if they want you to be more specific, but don’t worry they won’t. You will look like you have lived here for your entire life. Do not ask for a wine spritzer. This will actually get you thrown out of a few establishments.
I think in most of Germany you can get away with ‘ein pils, bitte’, but the Vienese (all of lower Austria?) have secret code, as usual. A “Seidel” is a 1/3 l. size, and a Krügl/ Krüg is a half liter. Most of the local beers are (IMO) swilly pilsners, but oh well.
Warning in addition to Tusculan’s notes on the Netherlands-- if you don’t specify something specific you’ll probably get Heineken, whose mafia runs the city, I think (a mass-market witbier in now made in the Netherlands (Wittekerk?) so that’s pretty ubiqitiously available as a good option). I think the same goes for Flanders, but you’ll get Jupiler or Stella Artois instead, so especially in Belgium, since the options are so brilliant, go ahead and order something by name, like “'en Rodenbach, alz-too-bleeffft. . . Dank-ooooo.” They’ll have Leffe and a couple of trappist things most places, so even at the dodgiest dive you can probably get a Leffe, and a witbier called Hoegaarden (hoo-chAaWrden) is also widely available. In Antwerp order 'een bolleke" which is a De Koninck in its particular glass- it’s the ubiquitous respectible local beer. Bartenders in Flanders are slightly less likely than those in the Netherlands to have fluent English. Don’t try to order in French when you’re in Flanders-- they’ll appreciate English more than French. Do not order in German in any Dutch speaking territories-- they hate that and would much prefer you just use English. In the French-speaking side of Belgium they’re not particularly likely to understand Dutch. As you approach the corner of the country near Luxembourg the likelyhood that they’ll understand anything in any language including Nahuatl and Klingon becomes greater (same goes for Amsterdam).
If you are anywhere southeast of Austria-Hungary up to Greece, try some variant of “adno peevoh?” (exception of Romania, of course) and something like a beer should arrive. Or they’ll start bartering for your girlfriend.
I think in most of Germany you can get away with ‘ein pils, bitte’, but the Vienese (all of lower Austria?) have secret code, as usual. A “Seidel” is a 1/3 l. size, and a Krügl/ Krüg is a half liter. Most of the local beers are (IMO) swilly pilsners, but oh well.
Warning in addition to Tusculan’s notes on the Netherlands-- if you don’t specify something specific you’ll probably get Heineken, whose mafia runs the city, I think (a mass-market witbier in now made in the Netherlands (Wittekerk?) so that’s pretty ubiqitiously available as a good option). I think the same goes for Flanders, but you’ll get Jupiler or Stella Artois instead, so especially in Belgium, since the options are so brilliant, go ahead and order something by name, like “'en Rodenbach, alz-too-bleeffft. . . Dank-ooooo.” They’ll have Leffe and a couple of trappist things most places, so even at the dodgiest dive you can probably get a Leffe, and a witbier called Hoegaarden (hoo-chAaWrden) is also widely available. In Antwerp order 'een bolleke" which is a De Koninck in its particular glass- it’s the ubiquitous respectible local beer. Bartenders in Flanders are slightly less likely than those in the Netherlands to have fluent English. Don’t try to order in French when you’re in Flanders-- they’ll appreciate English more than French. Do not order in German in any Dutch speaking territories-- they hate that and would much prefer you just use English. In the French-speaking side of Belgium they’re not particularly likely to understand Dutch. As you approach the corner of the country near Luxembourg the likelyhood that they’ll understand anything in any language including Nahuatl and Klingon becomes greater (same goes for Amsterdam).
If you are anywhere southeast of Austria-Hungary up to Greece, try some variant of “adno peevoh?” (exception of Romania, of course) and something like a beer should arrive. Or they’ll start bartering for your girlfriend.
One question for the Americans. I get the impression you guys tend to just ask for “A brand name”. Is glass size unimportant (or uniform) in most places, or does it mean that draught/draft beer is not so common, and bottles are served?
Ye Gods, no!
I mean, I certainly can enjoy a lager if I’m in the mood, but generally I stick to Tooheys Old (a top fermented black ale from the coal mining Hunter Valley area) It’s a bit like a bastard son of a stout, a Scottish Heavy and an English Mild in taste - in fact, it’s the only mainstream Aussie beer that isn’t a lager. For such a beer drinking nation, Australian beer really isn’t anything special.
That sounds alright – I’ll have to keep an eye out for it. Castlemaine XXXX is the only other Aussie beer that’s very commonplace over here, but Swan and VB are beginning to creep in, especially as guest beers. You can get a pretty wide range in Aussie pubs of course.
“A pint of bitter” or “a pint of best” would get you what you want in most places, and wouldn’t sound too odd. Better still, you could scan the pumps and pick one at random by name.
Down here in Geelong (hour outside of Melbourne) it’s “a pot of Carlton, please” [Carlton Draught]. Most pubs here have gone CUB (the brewery that makes VB and Carlton Draught) because no one would buy the Tooheys New they sold. Nasty stuff, that (IMHO).
Usually the glass size is whatever is behind the bar. If you are in Texas and want a pint of Shiner Bock, then you could get an Imperial Pint, a cold and/or warm beer mug, or some other strange glass. In most good bars or brewpubs you will get a true Imperial Pint.
A majority of bars in my neck of the woods have Budweiser (gross), Bud Light (bleh), and/or Miller Lite (nasty, nasty stuff) on tap, and a selection of brews in the bottle. I always try to get whatever I am drinking from the tap, as it is usually better.
If you are ever in Houston, try the Gingerman in Rice Villiage and ask for a Saint Arnolds on the Cask. Very, very good!
In Kansas City, one of the best local specialties is “Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat”, which is often given in the list of available drinks as just “Boulevard” or “Unfiltered Wheat”.
It’s a great beer too - and it is unfiltered, very cloudy with yeast and other Good Things.
IF you find yourself in a bar in Montgomery Alabama, and don’t leave immediately, NEVER ask for “whatever’s on tap”. There is no tap. Draft beer cannot be sold in Montgomery unless it is brewed on site. (Part of some archaic cholera law that no one has had the sense to change.) We have 1 brew pub. It’s not that great, but odds are you’d never be able to find it if you tried.
In addition to irishgirl’s comment on Ireland, a note about the differences between ordering beer in the UK vs Ireland.
In Ireland, if you want a pint you don’t have to specify the size - that’s the default setting. Just say “a Guinness”, for example, and you automatically get a pint. If you want a half pint (“a glass”), you have to specify.
In the UK, you always have to specify the size (pint or half). If you just say “a Guinness”, the barman/maid will look puzzled and ask you what size you want.
IMO, British bar staff are usually appalling compared to their counterparts in Ireland. They tend to take one order at a time, and pour one drink at a time, whereas Irish bar staff will multitask, taking several orders and pouring several drinks simultaneously.
I once watched a girl in a crowded Dublin nightclub take seven consecutive orders and fulfil them all at the same time, arms all over the bar like an octopus, and then work each transaction out - correctly - in her head. I nearly gave her a round of applause. By contrast, when I was in London a few weeks ago, I tried to order off a barman who was waiting for the credit card machine to connect. It was taking a long time, and he just stood there, so when I tried to order, he pointed to the machine and dismissively went “eh”.
Because of this efficiency, when you order a Guinness in Ireland, the barman will often pour 3/4 of the pint, and then walk off to do something else while it settles. An English friend of mine when visiting thought the guy had forgotten him and shouted “oy, what about my pint?” over the bar.
In neither country is it mandatory to tip bar staff, though I’m sure they’d be grateful if you do.
