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NEWS FLASH!!!
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Hey, it’s the fat man here, time for an Update.
Snootchie-Bootchies!!!
For all you carp-heads out there that missed it the first time…
So pay a-fuckin-ttention! 
And this is new:
When someone says something inanely stupid, anywhere, you should say <font size=+1>Cuidado!</font> Piso Mojado!
And we can all then snicker at their ignorance and wallow in self-righteousness.
Okay, okay, I admit I have not been doing the best job {sniff} of hiring and keeping everyone sorted out. I am only one man, tho my ass be the size of two. So here goes with an update:
Super Sexy Man trapping Slagents:
Cristi AKA Chastity O’Farnicher
Sassy AKA Trixie Mallay
That’s all for now.
And now…! {drum roll from monkey boy in raggedy andy outfit in corner}
<font size=+3>NEW HIRES!!!</font>
MissDavis102: Ass toaster.
Scarlet Pimpernel: Super Sexy Secretary Who is Taken Out on Dates By and Sleeps With Enemy Agents Because She Knows That They Hope to Find Out Secrets But She Dispatches Them Basic Instinct Style…WHEW!!!
That is way too much to say, so we will call her “Miss Head”. Her secretary code name is “Ivana Head”.
Doctor Jackson: Mad Doctor. Will report directly to our own Mad Scyentyst, Sylence, until the organization grows, or they kill each other. Dr. Jackson’s assistant will be
storytyler, but only after Bionic Machine-gun Artificially-flavored Chocolate Jubbly Implants have been added.
<font size=+2>Coldfire:</font> Slick lawyer type who disavows our involvement in any nefarious schemes. Looks a lot like John Travolta from A Civil Action. Will also handle firing for me henceforth. In case you’re wondering, he gets a large font for his/her name, cuz it’s so fuckin’ cool. Noonch.
And now, in
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Other News
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Official Aconymistic Name: SDMB S.A.R.C. This means we are the SDMB Self-righteous Acronym Posting Saps
This of course has nothing to do with our real agenda. Anyone who needs this explained to them, step into Coldfire’s office…<font size=+3>Cuz yer Fuckin’ Fired!!!</font>
Going forward you will need to address any benefits concerns with Blue pony. Be nice cuz he can tell you to gorw scew yourself. i’m sure he won’t he is a nice dude. I don’t handle these types of requests, being to fat and my coat too small to do so. On that note…
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The Nitty Gritty…
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It has come to my attention that a friend of mine is under legal attack!! I believe this is largely due to my self-styled nome de guerre “Fat Guy in a Little Coat”.
The Fat community, outraged at their portrayal as overweight, are seeking my legal blood. After recently registering my acid opinion on several websites seanbaby.comthese pressed ham bean-bags have e-mailed me and with all sorts of outlandish threats (i.e. I’m gonna eat your baby, I’m going to put my thigh on your car, I’m gonna sue you for slander and defamation of character.) I am being bombarded with hate mail. Fortunatlely for me, I am fat myself and have done nothing illegal.
Coldfire is to issue a non-sequitor statement in my defense immediately, and we will proceed to buy 51% of Hostess tm.
That’s all for now, Noonch.
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique