The SDMB Self-Righteous Clique is an international criminal organization. You’ll get to work in an interesting environment and meet new people.
LACKEY (3 positions available.) Responsibilites include passing the head honcho’s orders down to the goons, laughing maniacly, looking evil.
SECRET AGENT (1 position available) Must supply own gadgets.
EVIL NINJA ASSASSIN (1 position available) Note: This is a serious organization, evil ninja assassins who are really good at heart and see the truth and do the right thing at a critical moment, thus foiling the evil organization’s plans need not apply.
If none of the above applies to you just submit your application and make up your own title. Since I thought of it first, I’ll be Head Honcho. However the position of El Presidente is still open.
Applications should include your name, position and title desired, and your opinion on carp. For example:
Name: Konrad
Position: Leader of internation criminial organization
Opinion on carp: Carp are found in all the world’s oceans. They can weight up 1.5 kilo, depending on the sub-species. Unfortunately they stand in the way of our organizations plans will have to be eliminated.
Name: Mullinator
Position: Evil Ninja Assassin (I am a former Evil Ninja Assassin for FORMERAGENT’s group.)
Opinion on carp: Oh sure, you get a nice tingly feeling while standing nude in a tank full of writhing carp, but just try to get the smell out.
The post below mine will most likely be occupied by LauraLee.
Objective:
To work with a progressive organization where my skills and talents will be fully utilized and I can be of assistance to thers, while the opportunity for advancement as well as the opportunity to enhance my skills exists.
Position Desired:
Lackey
Experience:
1990-Present - Assistant Lackey. Responsibilities include passing Senior Lackey’s orders down to the goons, maniacal grinning (however, have trained for laughing), looking somewhat scary (however, have trained to look evil as well).
Opinion on Carp:
I drive a stick shift pickup truck. Oh, wait, that’s carP?
References available upon request
1990-1999:
Name: Missy2U
Position: Leader of internation criminial organization
Opinion on carp: Carp are found in all the world’s oceans. They can weight up 1.5 kilo, depending on the sub-species. Unfortunately
they stand in the way of our organizations plans will have to be eliminated.
Name: Canthearya Position: Lackey who is hard-of-hearing and uses the handicap to get out of work. Opinion on carp: Funny you should ask. I am a member of the Carp Fishing Network ( http://www.carp.net ) which was formed to destroy all carpish life on this planet. As we all know, this freshwater, bottom-feeding fish (Latin name: Cyprinus carpio), is the largest of the minnow family, and is native to Asia. It is the carp’s insane intelligence and wily ways which have allowed it to populate Europe and America.
Summary of Qualifications: With her experience as the Goddess of Wisdom, Athena would make a stunning Evil Ninja Assassin. In addition to her own goddess powers, her status as the favorite daughter of Zeus allows her to occasionally call on him for helpful favors such as thunderbolts, pillars of flame, and general omniscience.
Her own exploits include the murder of Pallas in the war against the giants, crushing Enceladus under the island of Sicily, and, of course, the spear-trouncing she gave to Ares.
She is currently interested in a position which would expand her experience in the areas of subtlety and intrigue. Being a Goddess, she has never needed to indulge in secrecy, and as such, she’d like to expand into that area. The position of Evil Ninja Assassin would allow her this experience, as well as draw on her well-rounded history of murder and mayhem. She is an excellect choice for the job.
Athena, you and I are gonna have to duke it out for the role of Evil Ninja Assassin.
I have been assassining people since you were knee high to a samurai sword. I can and will seriously maim people with a snowball. My methods are so dangerous I am illegal in 52 states, and that’s not even counting the District of Columbia.
The post below mine will most likely be occupied by LauraLee.
Name:Nu Vo Da Da
Position/Title:Well I wanted evil ninja assassin, but I’ll settle for Secret Agent(just remember me when Mullinator and Athena kill each other off…)
View on carp:Carp are like kittens, and roommates. They’re fun to watch play, to feed regularly, and then to vivisect. Also they’re good with mustard and gin. (but then again, everything is good with gin)
I was under the impression that the Evil Ninja Assassin job came with a sexy female secretary. So, when I am hired, please forward me that resume. And by resume, I mean revealing photographs.
Athena takes out her brand-new stock of nifty sharpened metal throwing stars, numchuks (sp?), and daggars and looks at them blankly. “Damn things” she mutters, “I’m just going to use the tried and true.” She throws a thunderbolt at Mullinator.
“Ha!” she cries out. “Goddesses do not take job competition well!”
Name: John Corrado
Position desired: Lackey
Opinion on carp: Whatever you say, boss.
Evil Lackey Career Highlights:
[ul][li]As an employee for Nameless Computer Retail Organization, I easily convinced people that not only was Windows 95 superior to Windows 3.1 in every way, but that it was absolutely necessary to stand in line for two hours in order to be one of the first people to buy it.[/li][li]And, of course, you need the Plus pack and an additional 16 megs of RAM. Did I mention our specials on hard drives?[/li][li]As an employee for NCRO, I laughed evily and maniacally every time the section for Machintosh software shrunk.[/ul][/li]
JMCJ
Just confirming that my ass is, in fact, the wisest part of my body.
Shadow, you and your white leather can come over to Bucky’s, help me trounce the eeevil Cas Wm, esquire, Homocidal Maniac, and then retire with me to the smoking lounge.
Ummmm, NU VO DA DA: Secret Agent is already taken!
(says the Evil VB, tripping the trap door underneath NVDDs chair, sending him plummeting into the shark tank)
VB
Tempus is fugiting all over the place! Carpe that diem!
